List Your Joke, Funny Caption To Brighten Ptsd

[desiderata310]

Three aspiring psychiatrists from various colleges were attending their first class on emotional states. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from the University of Texas, "What is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Rice.

"Elation," said she.

"And you, sir," he said to the young man from Texas A&M, "how about the opposite of woe?"

The Aggie replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

 

[Poofycat]

A blond, brunette, and redhead all went out hunting. The redhead went out the first day, and at the end of the day she came back with a huge bear. "Wow!" the others said. "How did you get that bear?" "Well," said the redhead, "I found the tracks, followed the tracks, and boom! I hit the bear!"

So the brunette goes out the next day, and at the end of the day comes back with a giant moose. "Wow!" the others said. "How did you get that moose?" "Well," said the brunette, "I found the tracks, followed the tracks, and boom! I hit the moose!"

So the blond goes out the next day, and at the end of the day comes back all beat up and bloody. "Oh no!" the others said. "How did you get all beat up?" Well," said the blond, "I found the tracks, followed the tracks, and boom! I hit a train!"

 

[scout86]

Q. How can you tell if an elephant is in your refrigerator?



A. You can't get the door shut.

 

[Changing4Best]

I'm reading a book by Linda Richman called "I'D RATHER LAUGH" and it is sad but funny. She even mentions PTSD.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

How do you make a blondes eyes sparkle?

Shine a flash light through her ears.

 

[scout86]

Q. What did the peanut say to the elephant?

A. Nothing. Peanuts can't talk.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Why does a penis have a hole?

So men can be open minded.

 

[Forgetful]

Some of my favorite examples of sarcasm

• If I promise to miss you, w
• ill you go away?
• I took a pain pill. Why are you still here?
• Mom always told me to share, so you hold the grenade, I'll hold the pin.
• If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong
• Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. So when you do criticize them you're a mile away and they'll have no shoes.
• Do not walk in front of me, I may not follow. Do not walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk beside me either. Pretty much just stay the hell away from me!
• If at first you don't succeed, you probably shouldn't go skydiving.
• How do I adjust the auto correct feature on my husband?

 

[Forgetful]

And some more..

• Today a man knocked on my door looking for a donation towards the local pool. I gave him a glass of water.
• If you had another brain...it would be lonely.
• A recent study found that a woman who carries a little extra weight lives longer than the man who mention it.
• I asked God for a bike but I know he doesn't work like that, so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness

 

[Freedomfighter]

Female Drivers

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut right in front...

I was at work today when two elderly women loaded up a cart full of gifts to be given away to the awaiting winner. I watched with interest as they piled lawn chairs and similar items onto the cart. All of the items they placed in a manner that they were lying horizontally to the door frame.

Naturally they approached the door way and since all of the items were packed on the cart sideways the cart could not possibly have made it through the door frame.

I just about died laughing when I saw that: not much smarter than dogs: have you ever seen the video clips where dogs attempted to get lengthy sticks through the door frame that they picked up and the sticks always were in the way of the door frame?

That is exactly what these women did and I just erupted in laughter when both of them proved that they have the average IQ of a dog.

 

[Friday]

Public Restroom Poetry

From the days of pay-toilets
Written on the inside of a door.

Here I sit all broken hearted
Paid to shit, and only farted.

:shifty::cautious::roflmao:

 

[Deleted member 46500]

A friend of mine went on a date with a chess player, to an Italian restaurant, with checkered tablecloths. It took him maybe half an hour to pass the salt.