Living In A Glass House

[RussH]

I find it easy, at times, to feel normal. To be as I use to be; able to handle situations and circumstances that I should be able to handle. And then something happens and the walls of my glass house comes tumbling down.

My wife was doing our taxes and she asked if I wanted the good news or the bad news first? All it took was for me to hear bad news and my anxiety level rocketed up. Fortunately I was able to maintain, but it still shook me.

It made me realize that I am still living in this glass house. The walls seem strong an secure, but they are really made of a fragile material that can shatter as the smallest sign of trouble. I don't like being this fragile. I want to be strong.

I hate how PTSD has done this to me. I don't like being fragile. I don't like it that anxiety is right around the corner just waiting to attack and leave me shattered.

One thing I believe, one thing I know is one day I will be strong again, but until then I will continue to live in this glass house.

 

[Sighs]

Hugs if you accept them! My vet had a complete meltdown the other day because he was out of clean socks. Not having your gear squared gets people killed. Except in civvy land it doesn't. And I found him a pair of clean socks in the spare room...

Somehow its the little things you didn't know you needed to brace yourself for that hit hardest. Hope you have some loving support with you in your glass house.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

One thing I believe, one thing I know is one day I will be strong again

That's what you've got to keep saying over and over again as your mantra. You will be stronger. You are already strong. You can be fragile and strong at the same time. And you will get stronger.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Keep on fighting the good fight, it does eventually get better and there will come a time when you find that you do not live overexposed in a glass house but one with boundries inside and out. Hang in their, it does get better in time.

 

[Seagreen]

I find it easy, at times, to feel normal. To be as I use to be; able to handle situations and circumstances that I should be able to handle. And then something happens and the walls of my glass house comes tumbling down.

I like the way you have described this. The glass house metaphor resonates with me.

One thing I believe, one thing I know is one day I will be strong again

I think you are already strong to have endured trauma and PTSD. Your strength and determination are inspiring and I know, will make a positive impact on your recovery.

 

[sun seeker]

Yup, I get you. I call mine a house of cards, but it's the same concept. I was nodding from the point where you said your anxiety level rocketed up as soon as you heard the words "bad news" (hope it wasn't too bad!) It reminds me of the "bubbleizing" concept @Nam gave us. So easy to think all is well when things are going well, and then something hits you and you're on the floor gasping for breath. But it doesn't mean you're not getting better. It's a dance: two steps forward, one step back, trip over a rock in the path, get up, another step forward...

 

[shimmerz]

one day I will be strong again,

This struck me in this posting. i feel like you are not giving yourself credit here.
Bad news financially would cause anyone's anxiety to surface. It sounds like you have done some great work and that your window of tolerance is much larger. What about all of the things you do like this.....

I find it easy, at times, to feel normal. To be as I use to be; able to handle situations and circumstances that I should be able to handle.

Perhaps your house is made of aluminum siding with the occasional glass window? Windows are good! Without them it can get really really dark! :cool:

 

[The Albatross]

The observation that you are more fragile than you would like to be is an opportunity to take the actions necessary to initiate change or expand/learn some coping skills.

Financial stuff though is tough to deal with for most all people, even without PTSD.

 

[Ellabella44]

I pretty much have a cardboard box.... when its wet ( anxiety) the whole thing crumbles away.

having days you feel normal is good, shows that you can have them and be able to deal with things at times.

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

My man can have a meltdown if I don't put his T-shirts away properly (with pockets, solid color; with pockets, white; with pockets, pics; white no pockets; new whites; old whites; hole-y whites for sleeping, et al). He never directs this AT me, but I hate being a trigger when it happens, cuz even in the best of recoveries it exhausts him ... So day by day we take stock of the things we CAN control (now, I give him a clean pile of T-shirts, laid out flat and smooth so no wrinkles, and then HE folds and sorts them to keep his almost-OCD like behaviors in check). It's at least good to SEE a stone flying at you before it hits .. in theory. :) Kuddos to your girl for ASKING you first instead of just blurting out the situation. I try to ASK my man before I give him info if there's a chance it could be a trigger ..

We can't always avoid hitting the wrong notes, but in the end the song can still be beautiful. :joyful:

I'm a believer! ;)

~S2B

.. and we are ALL fragile. Some are just better at hiding it than others. :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

After being fragile & vulnerable for a long time now, though it was absolutely terrifying at first I feel now that maybe fragile isn't all bad. To have a heart & emotions & authenticity, well I'd rather live what is left of my life that way even if it feels more frightening or dangerous. (It also takes less energy & it's more honest of who I am or how I am, I guess.)

Hugs for you dear @RussH . :hug: