Living on disability

[Deleted member 38242]

I know I'm posting a lot, but I've been sick, and stuck at home alone. I hate being sick, and it makes ptsd a bit worse.
I have had insistences on disability where men (and others) get so pissed I'm on it becuase I'm poor, and undateable, or less than. People treat you like shit, and act as if your working the system even if you have proof that you can't because you break under to much stress, or get flashbacks and are almost rendered helpless. I feel like shit about myself, and my family that I love abused me so badly due to their own mental health issues, and blaming me as the scapegoat. They fought, and argued with me over me taking medications that hurt me badly. If I got off them they would flipout, and fight me the whole time while it was obvious the medications were hurting me. I cried and was in psychotic depression for three years straight, and they kept saying maybe I needed more. It was f*cked up. My siblings who were treated diffrently became financially sucessful, and have good lives. I was institutionalized, and repeatedly psychologically tortured. It hurts. I wish the pain would go away, and people didn't look at me like I'm a piece of shit. But there is nothing I can do. I've been rendered helpless, and treated like dog shit. I didn't even have the words, or law to fight them until this past year. It feels like its to late. I don't get a turn at life. I hate this pain of being singled out, and abused by my family, and the psychological medical industry for 26 years at different intervals, so now at 39 I'm gutted, and raped of so much in life. It just hurts. I'm getting out of my apartment today. Maybe that will help.

 

[asadafagahajakal]

I'm going to a psychiatrist next month to get to the bottom of my ptsd and whatever bullshit is going on in my mind. And I'm applying for disability because I'm on the same boat as you. Simply can't keep a full time job, and obviously can't provide for my family's needs. But I feel guilty about it, like I'm exploiting tax payers, even though it's my only option.

I'm so sorry that you were forced on meds as a kid, happened to be too. I swear that zoloft gave me some degree of brain damage, but my step mom didn't give a shit. She wanted me drugged and not a "nuisance". It's disgusting what people will do to their own flesh and blood for their own gain.

Don't feel bad about using the system. Your taxes paid for this service. So it's not a "hand out", it's an entitlement. You're entitled to the benefit because you meet the disability criteria. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Is there any way you can fake having a job? Like "oh yeah I'm a dishwasher at XYZ restaurant"? Maybe if thatll stop people from bothering you?

Peace

 

[ladee]

My financial situation is no ones business! I might share here that I'm dirt ass poor...but in the world?
Nope.
If I had money and 'things' I would Just be overwhelmed taking care of it.
Simple is GOOD, not LESS THAN

 

[Deleted member 38242]

Thanks. I understand both post. I have absolutely no self esteem. But that's part of the abuse that have me PTSD. Constantly getting verbally assaulted, and told your shit will f*ck you up. My family threw me under the bus, and so did anyone I trusted and asked for help. I got apologies 20 years later after the damage was done, and it's to late now.....
I also got reabused by some authorities because I guess only they can talk about people. Anyway. I'm just kind of half ass sick. Thanks for the words. I needed them.

 

[Will86]

Seems like unfortunately, you have a lot of toxic people around you, don't let those toxic voices get inside your mind, don't listen to them or even consider that they might be right.
You have been through a lot in your life and you have the right to get helped financially and you have also the right to feel bad and no one has the damn right to judge you.
The fact that you are posting this thread demonstrates that you are trying to find solution to your issues and you are also looking for support, which means you don't wanna give up.
Don't loose faith, don't loose hope, your time will come soon or later.
Take good care of you.

 

[EmmaOwl]

Don't feel bad about using the system. Your taxes paid for this service. So it's not a "hand out", it's an entitlement. You're entitled to the benefit because you meet the disability criteria. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

This is an excellent point. I have family who reminds me of that. "You paid in." He's right.

I STILL sometimes feel bad/stupid/guilty about it - that's not the case. I'm not a bad person for going through a social service system.

This is a truth I would love to ingrain in any and every person who feels bad about seeking and/or receiving disability.

 

[Deleted member 38242]

I am on SSDI, and I guess I did pay in. Maybe I'll just tell people Im retired. It's just so not good to run across all the hate I've gotten. I love in a small community, and they all know me, and that I'm on disability.

 

[mamachick]

Do not let others make you feel bad about yourself. If you were awarded disability, you deserve it and it is nobody's business. you don't know where others get their money or what they make, and your business is not theirs. As you get these toxic people out of your life, you will realize this. I don't advocate lying....again...nobodys business. You can always say you work from home and own no explanation. Getting better is your job right now....Be well.

 

[Will86]

The problem when it comes to mental issue is that people can't see your problems with their own eyes.

When you break your two legs and you are unable to work for a long period of time, you get helped financially and everyone finds it normal because they can see that you cannot work.

On the other hand, when you suffer from a mental issue and cannot work, people don't understand it and always think you could do some effort to work instead of not working.

It's called ignorance , unless they have already been there , certain person cannot understand this.

 

[Will86]

Don't feel bad for their own lack of knowledge concerning your condition.

 

[Breezi]

My family and friends (all AA people) all disengaged for a myriad of reasons, I guess. I've never needed their support so badly, and all I've gotten is more abuse and pain. Not sure how I'll feel in 20 years or even if I'll last that long. The common theme seems to be that we all started out with abusive families. This includes both my family of origin and immediate family as adults. I know positively I would never have treated anyone the way I've been treated. It causes a great deal of pain, but the meds do help, as well as therapy. I'm in the middle of it too, so I'm afraid I can't offer advice, only support for what you are going through. PTSD is maddening and the disconnect between mind and body is so baffling. The main reaction from the public is that you are a drain on society. It's no wonder most of us suffer severe self-esteem issues. Get well, and take good care of yourself.
Breezi

 

[Cannottakethis]

I am on SSDI, and I guess I did pay in. Maybe I'll just tell people Im retired. It's just so not good to run across all the hate I've gotten. I love in a small community, and they all know me, and that I'm on disability.

I have had issues with this too. I tell people I'm a stay at home cat mom, retired, a consultant.....I try to be creative. It's nobody's business where my money comes from.