Whirlwind
Gold Member
i was doing so good and now I’m just not feeling good. I hit some snags lately with a bunch of random issues. Fixing things as everything seems to be falling apart at once...saved some $ which should be a yea for me but instead it just hit me as a reflection of all of the losses over the years...all of the things in life that were never taken care of so they rotted ...dried up...fell apart.
And these nice summer days are clicking along....I get out, volunteer but I’m still “invisible” just a lot of people moving along in life, I’m friendly but haven’t made connections yet. I know it takes time...ugh, time. Not something I feel I have enough of anymore.
Starting from zero (no friends, family) late in life and all of this feels so heavy all of a sudden.
I’m doing everything on my own, fixing away....no job and trying to see what I could do......saved for something fun but now think I better save the money. Play it safe? When it comes to me...it seems right when I start to do something for myself....something happens to siderail me...or scare me away so to speak.
I always put myself last in life and unintentionally isolated myself. Behind me a heap of things I wanted, tried, failed or let slip away. I finally did a lot of hard but healthy things for myself last year....it was brutal but I did it. It took a lot out of me. Maybe I am just tired?
Pardon the ramble....this is not where I wanted to be in life. In the past I always had hope because I was young and had time. I’m just worried and feel unsteady all of a sudden. The usual practical worries but the aloneness is what bogs me down. I can do it, have done it and that is a blessing but its not me if that makes sense. I loved a busy life, active home with people coming and going. That was my happiest time in life but it was so short it makes me sad to even remember it.
Maybe it’s the snags I’ve hit lately but that is part of life and I’m disappointed it hit me so hard. I need to be able to pull myself up when this happens. I don’t rebound easily and always with my own thoughts doesn’t help things. And then I feel guilty as I know others have it harder than I. Rinse and repeat.
I’m trying. It just got really hard all of a sudden and I hate feeling this scared.
Thanks for listening.
Whirlwind
And these nice summer days are clicking along....I get out, volunteer but I’m still “invisible” just a lot of people moving along in life, I’m friendly but haven’t made connections yet. I know it takes time...ugh, time. Not something I feel I have enough of anymore.
Starting from zero (no friends, family) late in life and all of this feels so heavy all of a sudden.
I’m doing everything on my own, fixing away....no job and trying to see what I could do......saved for something fun but now think I better save the money. Play it safe? When it comes to me...it seems right when I start to do something for myself....something happens to siderail me...or scare me away so to speak.
I always put myself last in life and unintentionally isolated myself. Behind me a heap of things I wanted, tried, failed or let slip away. I finally did a lot of hard but healthy things for myself last year....it was brutal but I did it. It took a lot out of me. Maybe I am just tired?
Pardon the ramble....this is not where I wanted to be in life. In the past I always had hope because I was young and had time. I’m just worried and feel unsteady all of a sudden. The usual practical worries but the aloneness is what bogs me down. I can do it, have done it and that is a blessing but its not me if that makes sense. I loved a busy life, active home with people coming and going. That was my happiest time in life but it was so short it makes me sad to even remember it.
Maybe it’s the snags I’ve hit lately but that is part of life and I’m disappointed it hit me so hard. I need to be able to pull myself up when this happens. I don’t rebound easily and always with my own thoughts doesn’t help things. And then I feel guilty as I know others have it harder than I. Rinse and repeat.
I’m trying. It just got really hard all of a sudden and I hate feeling this scared.
Thanks for listening.
Whirlwind
