Other I've been paying for the sins of other men all my life

[Movingforward10]

The countless people who caused my abuse aren't enough?

It’s not that it’s enough or not enough: it’s the question of who. And the answer you have given is abusers. People who need you to believe these things and instilled this in you in the first place. People who are wrong and abusive. People whose opinion are actually worth shit.

I see it as picking off the fleas of abuse. It’s flea after flea after flea of their words, messages, abuse that we internalise and see ourselves through their lens. Picking the fleas off to make you free of those messages. Because they are cognitive distortions.

I appreciate that may feel invalidating. And I understand the anger.
My response didn’t come from a place of invalidating but understanding it from my lived experience.
But, take what works and leave the rest is a good moto on this website.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

ive had problems with both sexes and how i see them. Some parts of my dissociative system carry a *lot* of the shame that other men (like my dad) should be carrying and find it painful to be / be associated with men. Same goes for what they think is expected of them and not feeling / feeling seen as real men because of what trauma done while growing up and by people and how that changes how you act. And being scared of being / being seen as / giving off abuser traits.
Other parts of me think men or humans in general are automatically greedy and abusive animals (with exceptions) and they are one of the only normal ones that isn’t going to want to hurt anyone below them.

And very much relate to feeling like nobody takes your trauma seriously because of being male and it’s purely a joke to people. Not true but can feel pretty true esp with the internet. Yes people are like that but not everyone.

All of that and the anger is justifiable but it is true that things are less black and white than they feel. and that isnt to say youre wrong to feel angry or making things up because that’s not true, but the feeling that rhe entire world is against and out to get you can feel better. Mind reading is a big thing i have, being convinced people think something because that’s what im used to being true, and making it that everyone is like that, before i know actually. big trauma thing but it can heal slowly.

i was/am enmeshed with my dad, it sucks.

sending support, people do get it.

 

[somerandomguy]

Hey @SoulSeeker, I am a man with sexual trauma and I have had many experiences in my life that led me to think pretty much exactly the way you do. Over time I was able to see them as cognitive distortions and core beliefs and slowly chip away at them with CBT, EMDR, and talk therapy. I still have food and bad days cognitively, but now I know when I'm having a bad day and can take steps to fix or offset it.

The thing is, you absolutely are not wrong about the way many people in the the world see men and men's issues. And yes, it sucks for us male survivors. But I found that the more I focused on that, the less ability I had to heal myself. I had to see myself as a good man who didn't deserve what happened, but deserved to heal from it.

YOU are a good man who didn't deserve what happened to you. It wasn't your fault. And you deserve to heal.

 

[Mach123]

Well done! There’s practically no men left now. Not the men we grew up with the guys that came home from the second world war. They’re obviously is no end to discussion about this topic but one of my favorite examples is from the farm.

A boar or a male pig is very disagreeable and he’s murder on the other pigs, his family in other words, but if you take him away, then the piglets become weak and sick they experienced failure to flourish. Don’t take my word for it.

Everything comes down to dominance in my opinion I don’t like it, but we’re partly animals. I know if I don’t stand up to my wife she eats me alive. But do you think that’s what she says?

I would almost you know if I was younger. I might’ve transitioned because of all this. I wouldn’t even think about that now, but I mean I’m 67 and besides, I wouldn’t do anything to myself that was irreversible.

But I thought about this a lot and you did a great job with your post.