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jean lafitte
Steal as much time as you can for yourself...I know what you are feeling. Even if it's just a quick cup of tea outside of the house, it's somewhat therapeutic.
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Childhood Ive Been An Adult All My Life. Im Tired Of Being An Adult.
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Steal as much time as you can for yourself...I know what you are feeling. Even if it's just a quick cup of tea outside of the house, it's somewhat therapeutic.
Oy, this is a biggie!! the loss of your childhood with the attendant need for play, security, safety, love, guidance, physical affection, and time to be completely taken care of and nurtured is a massive trauma. I was a preternaturally 'mature' child by the age of 6 or 7 - doing housework, chores, getting up and getting myself ready for school completely on my own and racing to catch the bus on time - who didn't know how to play, giggle, be un-self conscious. I was serious all the time, and it took a terrible toll on my ability to make friends and feel connected to others as a child.
First you absolutely need to understand how severely parentified you were, and how this pernicious belief that you must take care of everyone else but yourself is going to do you in if you don't manage to break that pattern. Do the research, if you can get therapy go for it, and start every single day, reminding yourself that you must find ways to love and take care of yourself. Do your best to get rid of all the leeches in your life, or at the very least learn to establish boundaries and SAY NO. People pleasing is rife in those who have been forced to grow up prematurely. There's an excellent book by Harriet Breaker called The Disease to Please: How to break the People Pleasing Syndrome that was a real eye-opener for me. It made me furious to realise how I'd been duped by my upbringing into being such a doormat for others and neglecting myself on so many levels!
You must learn to stop serving others and root out that submissive mentality that leads you to believe that you're not important and that your needs mean nothing and that you're bad for asking for what you need/want. Otherwise you'll always be vulnerable to exploiters and abusers who sense your lack of inner self and your need for external validation and acknowledgement. It's SO worth getting a grip on this issue - the feeling of empowerment when you do is tremendous.
First you absolutely need to understand how severely parentified you were, and how this pernicious belief that you must take care of everyone else but yourself is going to do you in if you don't manage to break that pattern. Do the research, if you can get therapy go for it, and start every single day, reminding yourself that you must find ways to love and take care of yourself. Do your best to get rid of all the leeches in your life, or at the very least learn to establish boundaries and SAY NO. People pleasing is rife in those who have been forced to grow up prematurely. There's an excellent book by Harriet Breaker called The Disease to Please: How to break the People Pleasing Syndrome that was a real eye-opener for me. It made me furious to realise how I'd been duped by my upbringing into being such a doormat for others and neglecting myself on so many levels!
You must learn to stop serving others and root out that submissive mentality that leads you to believe that you're not important and that your needs mean nothing and that you're bad for asking for what you need/want. Otherwise you'll always be vulnerable to exploiters and abusers who sense your lack of inner self and your need for external validation and acknowledgement. It's SO worth getting a grip on this issue - the feeling of empowerment when you do is tremendous.
I can't even tell you how much I needed to hear this. My therapist is constantly telling me I need to do more "self-care" activities, but it's 50% I don't know how and 50% I feel guilty for taking time for myself, as though I am not worthy of the attention and care that I give to others. I just bought a sketchbook to help work on this.
katz
Platinum Member
I was so young when the problems started that I can't remember being a kid. No worries. No responsibilities. Just live life to the fullest. I'm so angry that I have to take care of me, now. All because of something that someone else did. It sucks. And now, I have to clean up a mess that someone else made.
This is exactly how I feel.... I always get really angry at people when I see them lose it over nothing... like a break up after a month or something.... please!!! I think how dare they be able to lose it, not be in control.... why cant I do that. Then realizing Ive just gone & got myself partners to do the adulting for me...then they are mentally abusive because you pick the controlling ones. because they apparently adult better. they do not....
I feel the same way.
WOW! I can relate. I've always taken care of myself, picked up he slack of irresponsible adults. I know I have to do for myself, but I resent it sometimes. I just want to be someone's son, just once.
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