Sufferer Looking For Release

[Fyrepixie0]

Good Evening,

I don't even know where to begin.. I have been on this rollercoaster for 15 years only in the last 8 have I truly understood what was happening to me, and in the last 2 years It has almost become 100 percent clear to me what had occurred.

I will cut straight to the point since there's no sense dragging it out.

When I was a young child (not sure how old yet) I was sexually abused by the people that were closest to me, my parents. They did some horrific things to me. I keep having flashbacks like I am there again being violated over and over. My life has gotten in turmoil because of it. I am regaining my life back, but I have little support.

There are days I feel like giving up.

To top it off, I have been assaulted sexually and raped by a few predators as well through the years. I've had an guy that I dated and trusted who forced himself upon me when we hung out as friends.

The memories are giving severe panic attacks. I just need to know there's hope out there.

 

[franciemarnie]

Yes, there is hope out there.

Are you seeing a therapist trained in trauma? If so, are you comfortable with them or do you feel they are helping you release the emotional energies that come flooding out?

I am so sorry for the living hell you have known.

Healing is possible. We are all working in it and sharing what works for us.

I am glad you are here. Welcome!

 

[nomedic1]

Welcome

 

[ronin47]

Yes, there most certainly is hope. You've made it this far and you deserve a medal for doing so. Many of us here can empathize with the on-and-off desire to just throw in the towel, and none of us want you to throw in that towel. Welcome and please feel free to message me anytime.

 

[arfie]

Let me join the choir in assuring you that there is hope out there. In here, too. Healing does happen.

In recent years I have taken to using those days when I feel like giving up to gently -emphasis on gentle- contemplate some of my dysfunctional habits. I picked up allot of them during my years of trying to cope with these nasty gnarlies on my own. Habits I would be richer for giving up. The goal is far from self-flagellation. Allot of those habits started as the best available solutions. The goal is putting away childish things. Neatly. Lovingly. Respectfully.

Whatever you find that works for you, just know that you are not alone. Keep hoping.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Fyrepixie0]

That is a great way to look at it Arfie, because If I continue to improve myself where else can I go from there but up in a better place. I will try that next time I feel so low. Self improvement is part of healing. I just wish I could find local support groups. There isn't any nearby. I don't currently have a therapist which it makes it tough.

 

[Flyaway]

I understand! Your story is very similar to mine. It's really not fair that we have been hurt so badly that we pay for it every singe day... and then to top things off are judged by a large majority of the public who are ignorant of what we have to go through each day.

I have had my days where I wonder if I can get through another day, and if I wonder if there is hope.

Lately I've been feeling as though there is more hope than I could have ever thought possible. Partly because I've found a friend who actually gets me and who is there to encourage me... And partly because I have found a purpose for my existance. I feel driven to help people who have experienced lives like us, and who need support to live the healthiest and happiest lives they possibly can.

There is hope! Are you currently getting counselling? Are you working? Hang in there!

 

[Fyrepixie0]

Flyaway Thank you for responding to my introduction.

You are right its tough, and I have often found myself feeling alone. I would want to reach out to someone, but I don't have many who understand. The biggest thing with my situation is the dysfunction. My parents are still in my life and I haven't confronted them. I have asked them in nice ways if something happened to me, but my memories are becoming more concrete.

I am not currently in counseling, because I don't have health insurance. I have been in search for a support group, but I haven't found one in my area. Also, I am working. I had a few weeks off, and I am starting a new job on Monday doing something I love.

That's great that you found a friend and someone you can trust enough to talk about these things. Over the last 2 months, I have someone in my life who is emotionally supportive and tells me I am beautiful everyday. I know I could use this considering the way I feel quite often. I love helping people and truly believe it is apart of my life purpose to help heal people who have been abused.

 

[Flyaway]

I'm so happy you've found someone to be supportive- just having one person makes all the difference!!! ...it's also great that you are changing to a job you love.

You know in regards to your parents; you can always walk away, strengthen yourself, heal a bit, and then confront them. They don't deserve you in their lives... It's the sickest abuse if all- being abused by the people who are suppose to protect and love you.

Have you looked into profit free organisations for counselling? I'm not sure how it works there, but whether you get occasional therapy from a help line or through an agency it will make a HUGE difference to everyday functioning! :happy:

 

[intothelight]

Hi Fyrepixie0,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

There is a sister forum that you may also find helpful: MySexAbuse.com.

Wishing you the best.

Debbe