More present now very depressed

[Gs172003]

Is this related??

 

[ladee]

Not exactly clear of what your question is... but yes, I have become more depressed sometimes, the more real and present I have been.
Can you expand a bit? Don't want to say things that may not be related to your question. Gentle hugs if you accept.

 

[Gs172003]

I posted not too long ago that I have been more present in myself the past few weeks. It hit me today that at the same time I've also been very depressed. I can't help but wonder if the two are related and if they are why?

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

The more present and aware I become, the more I see the depths of the actual shit show we're surrounded by, and trying desperately to function within, on so many levels, and yes, it can be/is very depressing.

I think I'd feel more concerned about myself if I didn't feel depressed (angry, heart-wrenched, disgusted, deeply saddened, violated, etc., etc.) as a result of all that I've discovered along the way, to be honest. Seeing so many others who appear to be otherwise kind and intelligent not seeming to be the slightest bit affected by or giving a damn about the state of things that's accepted as "normal" is even more depressing to me.

Trying not to let myself remain in that state is where it can become tricky as f*ck some days, as I'm constantly surrounded and there's really no escaping the shit show. That's where the awareness of each energetic exchange I choose to engage in via my daily choices comes in really handy. Learning to be my own best/healthiest distraction has been/remains an ongoing pain-filled chore.

 

[ladee]

I know the more present I am, the more real the trauma is. I have been more present also here in the past few months... we were probably depressed before, just more aware of it now.. don't know if this helps..

 

[Gs172003]

I know the more present I am, the more real the trauma is. I have been more present also here in the past...

It does. Thank you.

 

[Muted]

If I’m understanding what you’re saying about being present...Going from dissociation to dealing with feelings/ being present is extremely difficult. It’s like going from numb to not numb and that can hurt. I’ve also experienced a lot of grief and sadness for how long I wasn’t present. No one can give me back my time.

 

[Gs172003]

If I’m understanding what you’re saying about being present...Going from dissociation to dealing with...

Going from not feeling totally in my body like I'm always "groggy" I guess to being in it. Im not sure if that's what you mean.

 

[Muted]

Going from not feeling totally in my body like I'm always "groggy" I guess to being in it. Im not sure i...

Yes, have you ever felt like you lose time when you don’t feel in your body?

 

[Gs172003]

Yes, have you ever felt like you lose time when you don’t feel in your body?

I don't know about losing time but I will feel like I can't connect with my surroundings. Like I'm stuck in my head and everything around me has faded out. Sorry I'm terrible at this.

 

[Muted]

I don't know about losing time but I will feel like I can't connect with my surroundings. Like I'm stuck...

I think understand what you’re saying. You’re doing a fine job of explaining. Do you know anything about depersonalization or derealization? It’s on the dissociative spectrum. I bet there are some good resources on the site about it. Does anyone have a link?

 

[Gs172003]

I think understand what you’re saying. You’re doing a fine job of explaining. Do you know anything ab...

I've read about it but I don't understand it. ( I'm not that smart lol)