Mum, Mom, Mother We All Have One

[Hashi]

She's just as powerful DEAD as she was alive

I'm sorry this is the case for you. I don't think it's the case for me. This is partly what I mean when I say people don't understand my feelings.

She is never going to be accountable, or accept anything, she has far too many mental health issues for that.

My beliefs are that when she's in spirit, everything's going to be different for her. What my challenge really is, is accepting that now rather than having to wait until she's actually died. Because in the end it's all the same. It's a shame I have to wait until she dies, but I do think that her death will make a huge positive impact for me and others. Just like my grandmother's - her mother's - death was a huge relief and welcomed by so many of us. and has made things better.

My burden is to do with while she's alive, her ongoing manipulation and her complete uselessness at dealing with this existence. After that, I might go through all sorts of emotions myself, but I think that is different. I also think it's possible people don't understand that, or me, or what my understanding is. I'm me, with my history, and I react like me.

 

[NovemberStar]

@Hashi I hope you're right and for you that is what happens. All I know is, sometimes the most conflicting and painful stuff happens AFTER our abuser's die. It's not necessarily just a relief. of course you know you and you might very well be right that that will be how you feel when she dies. I know few people however who have been abused by their parents and once the parents die, they feel better / relief they're not around anymore. Sure - there's bits of that - but more often than not (and you might be the exception) there is a whole lot of new pain and sense of loss.

While she is alive it sounds like you have to be so on guard as to avoiding her from hurting you further - once you know longer have to be on guard (ie once she dies and you know you are safe from her manipulation) the void that leaves might reveal a whole bunch of other stuff you didn't know was there.

The effect they had on us doesn't die with them either unfortunately. All it does is stop further physical harm.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

[Reflecting on Chat]

Sammy, I hope this thread is helping you to let go of your need/want to have a mother who loves you and treats you like a mother should, instead of simply grinding glass into your wounds and making the acceptance process worse. I wish you the best.

What is my mom? Limited.