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Patience my dear1
I'm hoping this will serve as an outlet and that I will find encouragement here during my current situation.
A little history...I was divorced 6 years ago and did not date for four years after. My daughter was a newborn at the time, and my son was 2 1/2. I started nursing school months after my divorce as well, so obviously being a single mom of 2 and starting college, a relationship was the not even on my radar.
So fast forward to Nov 2014, I was a new RN starting my first job and moved to a new town with my 4 and 6 year old. I needed some service type work done at my home and the man that took my account is my current boyfriend. The from the first moment we met, there was just a connection. Almost like I have always known him. We initially crossed the business to friend relationship when he told me he would text the number of the in home daycare he uses for his daughter, but from that day on we texted throughout the day into the night for weeks until he came over one night to hang out.
After that, we we started dating. I learned he has PTSD, and I noticed some of the symptoms here and there, but nothing too extreme. Mostly negative thought patterns, low self worth, and irritability. He's not violent, but he does get angry at random things and he has periods of extreme anxiety. He has trouble sleeping and when he dies sleep he is very active in his sleep. I can usually sense him getting amped up and can rub his back and his hair and I can see his body relax. He truly doesn't see his self like I do. He's such a good man, a good daddy, and a hard worker. He told me early on that he doesn't think he is ever capable of "being in love". I was mostly ok with it bc no one had ever made feel as loved as he did. I'd never trusted anyone like I trusted him, and I love him with all my heart.
Several months into our relationship, he began staying over and eventually he was basically living with me but he still had his own place. As we began doing life together, we became each other's rock. He was my safe place and I had never felt more like "me" than when he came into my life and accepted me just like I am. I became a soft place for him to land after a hard day, he says no one has ever been as kind and good to him as I am. I have gotten I love you from him here and there but those words aren't as important to me as how his actions make me feel loved. We've had ups and downs over the last year and a half but by far the good outweighed the bad. We've discussed marriage but he's hesitant bc he's had past relationships that have kind of ruined his perception of it.
On top of that, my children have started having some behavioral issues and the disrespect he sees from them towards me, the fighting and yelling in the mornings when they are getting ready from school etc is just something that really started weighing hard in our relationship as it makes his anxiety skyrocket.
Recently he just gets so easily irritated with me. He's so on edge all the time not just with me but at everything. I've noticed that since the beginning of the year, he's just more distant, doesn't communicate like he used to throughout the day, not as interested in sex, and just down. He started getting heart palpitations and is going to have to wear a cardiac monitor soon as well. As a nurse, I know that it's all stress related, but he is anti-medication and will not go to therapy. A month ago he and I got into a huge fight over "me never listening to him" and he said that he wanted to start staying at his place more bc of the driving back and forward, disrespect from my kids and he was just burnt out. He is clear that he doesn't want to break up but just needs space to breathe.
I knew that this was probably a good idea, as I needed to focus in on helping my kids through their issues, and he needed to decompress. My issue is that over the last month, we have been intimate only once, he has only been over to my place only once and met me for lunch twice. We went from a year and a half of being a family to going 12 hours without contact a couple of days where I didn't text him at all. He isn't interested in dating anyone else, he insists that he doesn't want to break up, and says he just needs space to breathe. Says that he's tired of doing all the driving and that he's having a hard time keeping it all together right now.
He says he's on edge all the time and has felt on the verge on losing it at work and with everyone. The comment was even made yesterday that he feels like he needs to protect me from himself. I am fully invested in this man and love him just like he is, but wish he would talk to someone so he could experience life like he deserves to. I pray that one day he can know how to be happy and content. I know that's a lot but any advice from anyone who has had similar experiences?
A little history...I was divorced 6 years ago and did not date for four years after. My daughter was a newborn at the time, and my son was 2 1/2. I started nursing school months after my divorce as well, so obviously being a single mom of 2 and starting college, a relationship was the not even on my radar.
So fast forward to Nov 2014, I was a new RN starting my first job and moved to a new town with my 4 and 6 year old. I needed some service type work done at my home and the man that took my account is my current boyfriend. The from the first moment we met, there was just a connection. Almost like I have always known him. We initially crossed the business to friend relationship when he told me he would text the number of the in home daycare he uses for his daughter, but from that day on we texted throughout the day into the night for weeks until he came over one night to hang out.
After that, we we started dating. I learned he has PTSD, and I noticed some of the symptoms here and there, but nothing too extreme. Mostly negative thought patterns, low self worth, and irritability. He's not violent, but he does get angry at random things and he has periods of extreme anxiety. He has trouble sleeping and when he dies sleep he is very active in his sleep. I can usually sense him getting amped up and can rub his back and his hair and I can see his body relax. He truly doesn't see his self like I do. He's such a good man, a good daddy, and a hard worker. He told me early on that he doesn't think he is ever capable of "being in love". I was mostly ok with it bc no one had ever made feel as loved as he did. I'd never trusted anyone like I trusted him, and I love him with all my heart.
Several months into our relationship, he began staying over and eventually he was basically living with me but he still had his own place. As we began doing life together, we became each other's rock. He was my safe place and I had never felt more like "me" than when he came into my life and accepted me just like I am. I became a soft place for him to land after a hard day, he says no one has ever been as kind and good to him as I am. I have gotten I love you from him here and there but those words aren't as important to me as how his actions make me feel loved. We've had ups and downs over the last year and a half but by far the good outweighed the bad. We've discussed marriage but he's hesitant bc he's had past relationships that have kind of ruined his perception of it.
On top of that, my children have started having some behavioral issues and the disrespect he sees from them towards me, the fighting and yelling in the mornings when they are getting ready from school etc is just something that really started weighing hard in our relationship as it makes his anxiety skyrocket.
Recently he just gets so easily irritated with me. He's so on edge all the time not just with me but at everything. I've noticed that since the beginning of the year, he's just more distant, doesn't communicate like he used to throughout the day, not as interested in sex, and just down. He started getting heart palpitations and is going to have to wear a cardiac monitor soon as well. As a nurse, I know that it's all stress related, but he is anti-medication and will not go to therapy. A month ago he and I got into a huge fight over "me never listening to him" and he said that he wanted to start staying at his place more bc of the driving back and forward, disrespect from my kids and he was just burnt out. He is clear that he doesn't want to break up but just needs space to breathe.
I knew that this was probably a good idea, as I needed to focus in on helping my kids through their issues, and he needed to decompress. My issue is that over the last month, we have been intimate only once, he has only been over to my place only once and met me for lunch twice. We went from a year and a half of being a family to going 12 hours without contact a couple of days where I didn't text him at all. He isn't interested in dating anyone else, he insists that he doesn't want to break up, and says he just needs space to breathe. Says that he's tired of doing all the driving and that he's having a hard time keeping it all together right now.
He says he's on edge all the time and has felt on the verge on losing it at work and with everyone. The comment was even made yesterday that he feels like he needs to protect me from himself. I am fully invested in this man and love him just like he is, but wish he would talk to someone so he could experience life like he deserves to. I pray that one day he can know how to be happy and content. I know that's a lot but any advice from anyone who has had similar experiences?
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