My C-ptsd Makes People Feel Uncomfortable

[maddog]

I think that in the ideal world, we would just tell everyone the truth and be done with it. That way, everyone would be on the same page, there would be no more secrets or awkwardness, and we would be taking a stand publically that there is nothing to be ashamed of...

But we don't live in the ideal world. Instead we live in a world where sadly, many people are unable, for their own reasons, to deal with the reality of complex trauma, or serious mental illness in general. We live in a world where there is stigmatisation and discrimination, uncertainty and injustice, and a whole lot of undeserved shame and invalidation for us to feel as a result of others' behaviour.

So I think we live in a world where it is wise to make the decisions that are best for us, as it's only ourselves who we can control in the end. I think this involves making the most informed choices possible about who to tell, how much to tell, when to tell, and when to hold back with information, even if it seems to pose more questions than it answers. It's a little harsh sometimes, and yes, it will probably cost us some friends and acquaintances, but it will also give us the greatest chance at privacy, validation and support, and I think we deserve that.

Maddog

 

[saffy]

So I think we live in a world where it is wise to make the decisions that are best for us, as it's only ourselves who we can control in the end.
Maddog

Hi Maddog
Your post makes sense and unfortunately we do not live in a caring and empathic world.

However, Left to my own control I have inevitably made the wrong decisions over and over again because the I am being controlled by flawed thought processes and behaviours. I am unable to make informed choices because I do not trust anyone or anything. And so the pattern continues.

Returning to perfectlyflawed post I can fully empathise with this :)

People shy away from me and tell others that i am 'wierd'

this is embarassing because I cannot help it! :(

however, sometimes I think that I am being over paranoid and think people are plotting against me, ie conspiring, I think this is one of the signs of PTSD also. so, ask yourself, am I over analysing and being over sensitive or is it really happening? for me its hard to convince myself either way :(

best wishes

Saffy

 

[Anna]

Yep same here and as all above, I second what Gizmos says. This is why I never share with anyone about my illness.

I have the T-shirt.

People think I am quirky, weird, a freak, nutter... Crazy, whatever.

To be honest, best way to deal with it is to just not care.

f*ck them. Get on with what you are doing. If they choose to judge you then they have the problem.

 

[PerfectlyFlawed]

Thanks for everyone's replies! I had an exhaustion attack because of this last night. Couldnt even drive home which was like 5 minutes away

 

[Mandy Tad]

Hi I hope you safe now? I have been like that too. I went to the shops and just started crying, sat in my car and could not drive home. Could not figure out what was happening to me. I called my husband to come and get me from work.

I just read your posts and yes it is difficult to talk about what we are going through. I lived in denial myself that I had PTSD and something like this could happen to me, so how could I expect family and friends to help me. I recall telling a close friend and he stopped talking. I was extremely upset and decided not to tell anyone. Then one day he shows up at my house and says he did not know how to react, he was shocked that someone like me who was always laughing, making jokes, enjoying her life could have PTSD. I then realized it is not us and how we are, some people do not know how to react and help so they prefer to stay away.
And there are some who think they know it all, and think they can give the best of advice which hurts like crazy.

For me personally, I do not speak about the PTSD even to my family. Initially, I tend to pretend that I am normal but inside I am being eaten up with thoughts. But after joining the forum I can speak about it not much just a little bit.

 

[Srain]

((((PerfectlyFlawed))))

It is difficult to explain to others what you have been through, esp. if they are your family members.

This has been my greatest challenge. I first had to deal with a semi-correct diagnosis' which included severe depression and Migraines but it was when I began to be hospitalized due to many episodes I couldn't control is when things got very uncomfortable for myself and others. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Bipolar, GAD, to name a few. I was in and out of the hospital for several years and then over-medicated for awhile.

All the while I felt like I had disappeared, the mask to cope had been ripped off and I was unable to fight for myself. I felt oddly removed from life and those around me in a way I hadn't felt since I was a child. I tried to explain this to therapists, my psychiatrists, friends, and family but it seemed to only scare them. The people I use to connect with seem to get angry at times at me. I was told many things about what was wrong with me but none of it seemed to fit and I dove further inside (outside?) of myself.

What I have come to know is that not everyone is going to get it and working with a Trauma Specialist is extremely important. I also know that understanding my symptoms and how they work within myself is a vital key to getting back in touch with myself and others. It's very much a process.

Finding support is so important. For me, not all my support knows the details of my traumas, they just support me because they understand I "struggle". I can tell them I have depressive times or a hard day and that's all they need to lift me up. Mental Illness is extremely challenging to handle alone. That's why I feel finding support in as many places as is possible is so important.

Sending you peaceful thoughts,
Rain

 

[JustBe]

I don't discuss it except in Therapy or here on the forum. Of course, I am not invisible as I would like because I always have Kira with me. When people ask what she does, I say she's a medical alert service dog. She is kind of, and it stops the conversation.

 

[kittiekittie]

I have gotten to the point where I can't take rejection anymore once I have tried to forge some kind of attachment. Some people get freaked out when I tell them about my ptsd and the things I do or can't do or whatever the case may be - but I would rather them get freaked out and leave right away, than try and form a relationship with them and have them bolt from me later. It doesn't always work, and sometimes I get hurt anyways, but I found someone now who is willing to put some work and effort into it, and I feel more secure than I have in basically all my other relationships. I try to be really, really honest and proactive, and although I am nowhere near perfect, I make sure to apologize and admit to where my issues have been at fault and have blamed him instead of taking responsibility. The problem with this, is sometimes people are jerks, and I have been blamed and take advantage of when things haven't even been my fault. Sometimes I really can't tell the difference, and some people play on this.

 

[saffy]

The problem with this, is sometimes people are jerks, and I have been blamed and take advantage of when things haven't even been my fault. Sometimes I really can't tell the difference, and some people play on this.

Yes I have found this also Kittiekittie, regularly. Before I couldn't even recognise this at all untill way after he is gone!
I tend to beat myself up for not recognising it earlier, then loose even more trust and so the cycle begins. I think here with me, anyways, that learning new and sticking too bounderies has helped a little, but also try to be more mindfull with what is going on in the present instead of worrying or dreaming about the future. I also remind myself that a relationship should be equal and respectful and so I should have the courage to demand this. haha, I still fall foul though but it is getting better ;)

best wishes
Saffy

 

[kittiekittie]

Before I couldn't even recognise this at all untill way after he is gone!
I tend to beat myself up for not recognising it earlier, then loose even more trust and so the cycle begins.

Yes, I can't even tell you how many times this has happened to me. My mom or friends would try and point out what I was doing, and then my boyfriend at the time would just try harder to drive it home that it was all my fault. It turns into this really horrible cycle and you really really cannot see it until it's behind you.

I'm trying to get better at the boundary stuff, and have brought it up in therapy and to my current significant other, but even the demanding thing is hard because sometimes I feel like I am asking too much. I mean it's hard for me to tell when I am being reasonable or not, or when I am asking too much or not. I don't like feeling needy, but I have found if I don't lay it down then it just creates more issues in the long run.

 

[Mandy Tad]

One of the things I learnt at therapy today, though it has been mentioned to me several times is "be kind to yourself", what I realized is yes we beat ourselves up and get hurt more making us loose our trust and confidence even more. Today I was told again, be kind to yourself. I am hurting a lot with all that has happened and though it is not fair, the pain is difficult to deal with. I could not understand what my therapist meant by this, I came home and did a search on Google and found this which I hope will help someone out there - Whenever you want to improve anything in your life, there's only one place to look: inside you. "When you look, do it with love."

I then sat down and said, Okay stuff has happened what can I look and find are the positives that have come out of it. I was surprised to find 3.
1- I found this forum and I think I made many friends here for life.
2-Being at home, I found a lot of peace in baking, which even my little daughter said to me, Mum since you being at home, I really enjoy all the stuff you make for me.
3-I used to get dreams of my childhood friends, school friends who I lost touch with. I reconnected with them on FB and the memories and chats are helping me smile again, making me realize that life is not all that bad.

What I do know is I will never be the same again, I have been hurt and shattered but will I do it again? Will I let them bully me again I really dont know the answers, will I run away or will I scream and yell again, Will I have another flashback and want to end myself? Why did I let a damn good job go just because I was frightened I had a flashback. I do not have an answer and I am beginning to realise the more I try to find an answer the more I am hurting myself. i know I will still do it but I am now trying to also tell myself be kind to yourself, you were hurt and it will not change but be kind and gentle.

As someone said - Everything will be okay in the end, and if its not okay, it is not yet the end.

 

[Mandy Tad]

It seems to be that really no matter what I do or don't tell people - the situation is awkward.

Hi Shellbell, I understand what you are going through. PTSD is not an illness that people can relate to. There is not much information out there for people to understand how PTSD is different from depression and anxiety and other mental illnesses.

There is no explanation to why people behave or react when they find out about you having PTSD. In what you wrote I sense that you want to tell people but are afraid of their reactions. It is part of the PTSD. I too feel the same, friends who used to speak with me everyday just stopped talking, some say the wrong thing, like its okay, you are strong you will get over it. Some are supportive. Be close to the ones that are supportive and tell them you need them to be there for you to listen to you. I have a friend who just sits and listens to me while I talk.

Avoiding people,- you do it in your own time, when you are ready to be with people you will be. What we loose when suffering from trauma is our confidence and trust. You know that by being alone makes it worse. I did not attempt to go out for months but slowly I made myself, not because I want to please others but because I wanted to please myself, be happy for myself. I hope in time, you take the little tiny baby steps forward. It is scary to make the step, but think of it as a little baby, they walk they fall, they cry and try again till they are strong enough. Little baby steps Shellbell little baby steps. be kind on yourself and do not beat yourself up for thinking what others feel about you when you tell them you have PTSD.