Where to start. I've been in a relationship for many years with someone who is not well. He has told me he has CPTSD, but I have seen medical reports (he shared them with me) that indicate he has ASPD. The story of the relationship is too much to share here, but suffice it to say there has been chronic and extreme hypersexuality throughout the relationship plus vague references that indicate he may actually have been a victim of childhood sexual assault. I have been in therapy for several months now and recognize the relationship as abusive and am trying to extricate myself. I have been severely traumatized by his behavior over the years and also now have a CPTSD diagnosis of my own as a result. My question to all of you - and I am asking solely because I am honestly curious - not because knowing the answer will excuse anything he has done or convince me to stay in the relationship because I feel sorry for him - is it possible for CPTSD from childhood sexual assault to manifest itself in this way?
My CPTSD, His CPTSD or ASPD?
- Thread starter sp2007
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Weemie
Policy Enforcement
You'll have to be more specific. Sexual abuse can certainly result in hypersexuality, yes. Abusive behavior is not in the diagnostic criteria for PTSD, but PTSD can cause people to be more likely to abuse if they are unmanaged, have additional factors like combat Conditioned Emotional Responses, or comorbid personality/mood/psychotic disorders.
Untreated mental illness in general can increase the risk of poor behavior, but a reason isn't the same as an excuse. We all have agency, and as legally competent adults we are responsible for our behavior. If we have disorders that increase the risk of harming others, then we are responsible for managing those disorders.
Untreated mental illness in general can increase the risk of poor behavior, but a reason isn't the same as an excuse. We all have agency, and as legally competent adults we are responsible for our behavior. If we have disorders that increase the risk of harming others, then we are responsible for managing those disorders.
Friday
Moderator
Most basically? Nope.
There are a whole lotta shit symptoms that come along with PTSD, but that doesn’t cause people to take that shit out on others.
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- #4
Thank you. I think you hit the nail on the head - he is unmanaged. I have obviously suggested he seek therapy but he seems annoyed at the suggestion. From my perspective as a relationship partner, his hypersexuality is the most hurtful/abusive of his behaviors but there are other behaviors that are also problematic. I struggle with knowing/understanding whether CPTSD from sexual abuse is actually at the heart of it or whether it is just a clever ruse by someone who has ASPD. In a sense it doesn’t matter because I need to leave either way, but it does matter because I am trying to figure out whether I can let him remain in my life in some way. This has been so difficult because I do care about him. I hope this makes sense.
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- #5
My concern is that he is using CPTSD as an excuse for behavior that is actually a symptom of ASPD.
Movingforward10
Sponsor
I had childhood sexual assault. And I used to engage in hypersexual behaviours. And I used to not understand appropriate behaviour in relationships. And I prob could, in my younger days, say some of my behaviour was coercively controlling.
However, I made the decision at 24 to learn from my mistakes in relationships and not behave in certain ways again. And I didn't. I didn't understand then the reasons why I behaved in certain ways, or allowed others to behave in certain ways to me, but I stopped some behaviours.
It took me a few more decades and a few years of therapy to understand it all.
So, like others have said: yes, no, context, other issues and ultimately: every adult has the ability to think and reflect (unless they have a cognitive issue) and has agency over their behaviour.
However, I made the decision at 24 to learn from my mistakes in relationships and not behave in certain ways again. And I didn't. I didn't understand then the reasons why I behaved in certain ways, or allowed others to behave in certain ways to me, but I stopped some behaviours.
It took me a few more decades and a few years of therapy to understand it all.
So, like others have said: yes, no, context, other issues and ultimately: every adult has the ability to think and reflect (unless they have a cognitive issue) and has agency over their behaviour.
- Thread starter
- #7
Thank you all so much for your replies. They have all been extremely helpful, as have many of the other threads here. As I mentioned, I am working on extricating myself from this relationship. We have been together a long time and there is lots of good mixed in with the bad, which makes it harder to leave and extremely sad/painful as well.
That said, as you all have clearly stated, having CPTSD does not excuse bad behavior (regardless of whether it may be a cause of or contributing factor in the behavior). And, of course, I am not even sure he actually has CPTSD - I have only actually seen one official medical report, which had a diagnosis of ASPD, which is a far more concerning possibility.
The relationship has been very confusing for me because of all this and, as a result of his hypersexuality - and the resulting trauma/CPTSD that has caused for me - I am now highly reactive and unable to function in a healthy way around him.
We have actually been on a "break" for the last two months as things had become very heated following another indiscretion and several months of concerning behavior on his part where he tells me he is depressed/suicidal, and then disappears for hours and hours, including overnight, and refuses to respond to texts/calls just to let me know he is ok. I am supposed to meet with him next week to talk about what we are doing and I am dreading it.
I am concerned he will try to sweep this all under the rug as he has done on numerous occasions and I cannot allow that as the relationship is currently toxic. We have been talking on and off during this break and have actually seen each other twice during that time; the last time we met, he showed me that he was working through Pete Walker's CPTSD book. While that may be an extremely small step in the right direction, it could also just be an extremely devious manipulation, meant to elicit sympathy and keep me in this dysfunctional situation.
I have asked myself what it would actually take for him to convince me that he is serious about addressing his issues and I am not sure. It's like being with an alcoholic, who says they want to stop drinking, but appears not to be able to do so - how do you know when you can trust them again? Big questions. I'd love to hear from anyone who has experienced something similar.
In the meantime, I'm just trying to establish and reinforce boundaries to keep me emotionally safe and continue to put one foot in front of the other. I am not young and this is not where I envisioned being at this stage of life. It feels like I am having to start all over and rebuild from the ground up. The whole thing has just been a total mindf*ck. I hope there is light at the end of what seems to be a very long and dark tunnel.
Thank you all again for sharing your thoughts/perspectives. I'm happy to have found this community.
That said, as you all have clearly stated, having CPTSD does not excuse bad behavior (regardless of whether it may be a cause of or contributing factor in the behavior). And, of course, I am not even sure he actually has CPTSD - I have only actually seen one official medical report, which had a diagnosis of ASPD, which is a far more concerning possibility.
The relationship has been very confusing for me because of all this and, as a result of his hypersexuality - and the resulting trauma/CPTSD that has caused for me - I am now highly reactive and unable to function in a healthy way around him.
We have actually been on a "break" for the last two months as things had become very heated following another indiscretion and several months of concerning behavior on his part where he tells me he is depressed/suicidal, and then disappears for hours and hours, including overnight, and refuses to respond to texts/calls just to let me know he is ok. I am supposed to meet with him next week to talk about what we are doing and I am dreading it.
I am concerned he will try to sweep this all under the rug as he has done on numerous occasions and I cannot allow that as the relationship is currently toxic. We have been talking on and off during this break and have actually seen each other twice during that time; the last time we met, he showed me that he was working through Pete Walker's CPTSD book. While that may be an extremely small step in the right direction, it could also just be an extremely devious manipulation, meant to elicit sympathy and keep me in this dysfunctional situation.
I have asked myself what it would actually take for him to convince me that he is serious about addressing his issues and I am not sure. It's like being with an alcoholic, who says they want to stop drinking, but appears not to be able to do so - how do you know when you can trust them again? Big questions. I'd love to hear from anyone who has experienced something similar.
In the meantime, I'm just trying to establish and reinforce boundaries to keep me emotionally safe and continue to put one foot in front of the other. I am not young and this is not where I envisioned being at this stage of life. It feels like I am having to start all over and rebuild from the ground up. The whole thing has just been a total mindf*ck. I hope there is light at the end of what seems to be a very long and dark tunnel.
Thank you all again for sharing your thoughts/perspectives. I'm happy to have found this community.
