Supporter My Girlfriend Has Ptsd And I'm Here To Learn.

[Mouseshadow]

I've fallen in love with the most wonderful woman. She was the most challenging person to get close to. I courted her for 2 months and have been with her for 3 weeks. This week she withdrew from me emotionally and hardly talks to me at all except to say "Good Morning" and later in the day to say "Goodnight" or "Hope you had a good day." What she really is saying to me is, "I'm still with you. I'm still here." She told me she had emotional problems but I had no idea until now. My first reaction when she stopped communicating was that of a typical ignorant fool. What happened? What did I say? What did I do? This is my first glimpse of how our relationship will really be. We had a great talk yesterday and she was able to open up enough to let me know she had been sexually abused her entire childhood and has no memories before 8 years old. She is 28 and is a great mother to 3 boys. The boys are her world and she can just be herself with them. Her adult life has been one abusive relationship after another. I gave her the keys to the relationship. I told her she's driving and I am fully committed to her. I told her I would take a "50 First Dates" approach and take it one day at a time. She replied that we will be dancing a two-step... Two steps forward - one step back. I'm here to be the best man I can be.

 

[kahlan]

The first withdrawl is a shock! At least it was for me :) Its not an easy road, but you've made a great first step in finding this forum. There are some great people, a lot of support even if its not what you want to hear, and a great place to learn about PSTD.

Check out the supporter section and don't forget to take care of yourself :)

 

[Justmehere]

In your other thread you mentioned you have been telling her you love her every day and that you text her multiple times a day, and have been very affectionate and persuasive and sounds like she doesn't respond as much as you would prefer. I think you two might have very different levels of comfort about closeness. She also may be more distant this week for reasons other than the relationship. She is a single mom of 3 boys and that alone is a full time job. You both might be great people, but I am not sure you are a great fit right now since it sounds like you both have different comfort levels with closeness - it sounds almost like you need a high degree of it or might feel slightly abandoned and she may be overwhelmed and shutting down with your pursuit of her.

 

[Mouseshadow]

Thanks Kahlan! I realize that for me to be a true supporter I will have to grow as a person and face my own insecurites and misguided emotional reflexes. She is a great woman and to be with her I will have to be a better man. Win/win.

 

[Mouseshadow]

You're right Justmehere. I only text her when she texts me but I do like to tell her I love her once a day before bed. Don't know if that's a good idea. I definitely felt abandoned at first but I had no idea what was going on. Now that I know she has PTSD I am committed to understanding and not having that knee-jerk reaction of abandonment and insecurity. I guess I'm about to find out about myself. I really love her and want to do right by her but I am well aware that in the end it may not work out. I want to try my best because if I'm with her in the end it is all worth it.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Welcome Mouseshadow.

It's good that you are here. Being a supporter has its ups and downs. Nobody starts off knowing what to do, or even what is going on half the time with their partner. It's a learning process... all supporters have a lot to learn. You have to learn about PTSD in general, learn about the specific type of PTSD your sufferer has, and learn all about your sufferer's specific symptoms, treatments, and moods. There is a great supporter section, and lots of good advice.

 

[Sam jam]

Hello Mouseshadow!
Its really honorable that you are here to be a better man for her, and to try and understand what she is going through.
When my fiancé idid the same thing for me when we first started dating and he found out I have PTSD. I'm so happy he did, it has made us a stronger couple.
Best of luck to you!

 

[intothelight]

I hope you find the information and support here helpful.