My Girlfriend Has Ptsd.

[Darin]

I've been with her for nine months out of two years and obviously because of not understanding the disorder, we have broken up a couple times, this being our third attempt to make it work.

She doesn't ever blame PTSD for being distant and not following through on things, so her mother told me to find out about it and since we have been back, I have researched as much as I can to find out what I can do and how I have to be to help her.

Things have improved, but she is worse than ever, since our last breakup, she got back with her ex boyfriend for a couple months and he is quite the abusive type, mentally and physically. She has practically abandoned her kids and is at a friend's house without a job and avoids her family.

I am one of the only links she has with her family and her two year old son is like my son, so I have been taking him to her to reestablish a relationship lately.

The abusive ex has done some damage to her self esteem and she is insecure enough to believe what he has told her, so being told that she is a bad mother and her kids are better off without her has been devastating to her relationship with them. Even though I say very positive things to her every day, she turns it on me and makes me sound like I've attacked her, she believes she deserves to be treated badly.

Her mom and I are trying to figure out a way to get her therapy, but everything is very expensive and her mom is dying of cancer and I just started a business not long ago and its just getting established.

I know it sounds like a lot to deal with, but I know she is worth it and she has trust in me for the most part. She needs to reconnect with her mom before she is gone, there is not much time and I know her mom's cancer is a huge part of her heightened stress level.

I am still learning about this and I want her to be happy and enjoy her life rather than just barely get through it, I'm not leaving her, I'm with her for the long haul, even though it's been tough.

She disappears at times and sleeps a lot, there are times when she will be totally normal and funny and then I don't hear from her for a couple days, which freaks me out because I know she is depressed, but she isn't trying to see her other kids yet and I don't want to be pushy, but her ex husband will push abandonment through the courts if something isn't done soon.

Anyway, I will be on here, I have read some of the posts and they have been helpful.

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[Sandra]

Welcome to the forum. I hope the info on this site will help you.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Darin,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. There is an entire section here for supporters, with a lot of information in the forms of articles and posts. There is also a Wikipedia section where you will find information on PTSD.

Remember to take care of yourself, as it sound like you have a lot on your plate. This is a great site for supporters to give and receive the support they need too.

Take care.
Debbie

 

[Srain]

Welcome to the Forum,

I'm a Survivor and when my now husband met me I was in throws of PTSD symptoms. I had lost a considerable amount of weight and could hardly bring myself to eat. I was on leave from work and struggling significantly but we connected in a HUGE way. He has been patient and loving, that was over 10yrs ago. I have since added over 20lbs, sometimes 10lbs, depending on what I'm dealing with. The important thing is that he helped to encourage me to seek out the help I needed.

It sounds like you care very much for your GF and want to be there for her and her son. You are in the right place :) Understanding what all PTSD entails is the first step and as Intolight suggested, the Supporters on this site are amazing! Don't forget to take good care of yourself as well.

Peace,
Rain

 

[adrenalinejunkie]

Hi Darin,

I am now pretty stable, in my forties, but in my twenties and early thirties much of my behavior was similar to what you are describing with your girlfriend. You are a good person to stand by her. Unfortunately, unless she wants a better life and she wants to become stable, there's not much you can do. It's the old 'you can lead a horse to water' conundrum.

Everyone is different, but what saved my life in my early thirties was finding the right therapist and getting on anti anxiety medication. These things were able to get me grounded and centered so that I could get through life.

I have met trauma survivors who are addicted to drama. For awhile, i was addicted to drama. It mimicked the drama of my childhood and so I kept repeating it over and over again with my boyfriends, husbands, etc., by driving them away with my behavior. But I wanted the drama to stop and when my boyfriend put his foot down and told me that he wanted me to talk to my therapist about medication, I did. And it worked. It is ten years later and we are still together and living a drama free & stable life.

Good Luck,

AJ