My Grandparents Believe That This Isn't Normal.

[NukaGirl]

It's been nearly two years since my trauma happened. This past year, I've only just begun to go through the motions of recovery. My Grandparents somehow find it difficult to totally understand what exactly the after effects of my trauma are, and tonight after a massive blowout argument (not the first one, either) with them, their true lack of understanding really showed.

They seem to think that the lack of willing to do anything and the mood swings are not a normal part of what I'm currently recovering from. They seem to think that I'm using my trauma as an excuse to be lazy and mean. Now, I have tried, in the nicest and simplest way possible, to explain what the trauma has done to me, using what my support worker told me. Somehow, they don't understand, even though I explain that I'm not the only survivor to experience these feelings.

They also seem to think I should be over it by now. Again, tried to explain that I was not going to forget what happened to me after only two years. Yet they seem to think I should be.

Please tell me I am not alone in this, that someone else here has had to deal with family members thinking they're the victims in all of this?

 

[RussH]

Nukagirl, welcome to the forum, no you are not alone. Unfortunately those who don't suffer with PTSD don't understand those who do.

I am really sorry that you were traumatized, and you are suffering from it. I do know that you will meet many people where who both understand, and can give good advice on how to deal with your grandparents. You will find friends here.

 

[NukaGirl]

The problem is, they seem unwilling to learn. I wonder if I should even bother getting my support worker involved because she'll just be repeating what I've already told them, and if they're unwilling to listen to me, will they listen to her at all?

I'm just at my wits end here and I don't know what to do. I can't take the stress of knowing my Grandparents don't believe me.

 

[RussH]

and if they're unwilling to listen to me, will they listen to her at all?

Dave Ramsey, financial peace university, calls it the powdered butt syndrome. Since they powdered your butt when you were a baby, they don't have to listen to you now.

So they may not listen to you, but they may listen to an authority figure.

 

[catjudo]

seem to think that the lack of willing to do anything and the mood swings are not a normal part of what I'm currently recovering from.

Maybe it's all in how you phrase it. What stands out to me is that you didn't say you're unable to do things, you said you're unwilling. Personally, there are many things that are difficult or impossible for me to do because of my PTSD but that doesn't mean that I'm unwilling or that I won't at least make attempts sometimes. It might just seem like semantics but sometimes the way you phrase things can make a difference. Maybe your support worker will be able to phrase things differently or at least get through to them where you've been unable.

 

[Bluerose]

Your grandparents are of a different time - a time when people kept their problems to themselves and ‘washing your laundry in public’ was a no no.

I think life for you would get a little easier if you were to give up trying to make them understand and instead spend that time and energy on your own healing.

The truth I found is that so much time and energy is wasted on trying to get loved ones to understand where we are coming from. They try, bless them, but they’re never going to understand as much as we think they should.

Many people are dealing with stuff of their own and the most they can often offer is tea and sympathy. You are the leading roll in your life play, they are merely the supporting cast.

 

[NukaGirl]

Thankyou for the responses. Thing is, I've tried doing normal things that I don't want to do. I go out, I clean my room, I shower, etc... They make it sound as if I don't do anything.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Maybe not for all people, but for PTSD?

 

[WillyKat]

I don't have any evidence to support this, but I think people believe what they feel comfortable or familiar believing. Over their lives, they've adopted responses and beliefs they have learned.

It's very hard to deal with that and it taxes ones coping ability to keep trying or ruminating about magic words that will penetrate thicker skulls.

My two cents worth of advice is two-pronged: keep speaking your truth when you have to explain it to them, but dial back your expectations that they will in fact understand any time soon.

 

[Stanley Shi-Yume]

Watch out for emotional neglect. A lot, lot, of people are just completely switched off to anyone (their own or others) for emotion. We're not just talking about being emotionally stupid. It's a total disregard for emotion, ever. My 3 year old is more emotionally adept, and can just tell me when she is very "frustrating"



With the information available to me at this time, I of course can't judge if that's what you're experiencing with them. All I know is the emotional neglect is a catastrophic impact on the PTSD sufferer.

 

[NukaGirl]

Well, some good news. My support worker actually got through to them. They're being a lot nicer, they're not over reacting when I have one of my off days and while they may not be completely supportive, they're more supportive than they were. Lets hope this lasts.