My Grandson's High School Graduation Is Coming Up...

[Bosco2153]

Last year I missed my granddaughter's pre-school graduation and my grandson's 8th grade graduation. This year...in June, my oldest grandson is graduating from high school. I have worked on being able to attend for several months now. I have gotten myself off of my Abilify, off of the anti-depressant that I took for over 15 years. I'm sitting outside in the sunshine for 10 minutes a day...working towards more and more. I go to the store for groceries once a week with my husband, and on occasion we take the dogs for a run in an isolated location on the creek.

I know the time is almost here. I think about ways to get through it. I will be exposed to dozens of family, ex-co-workers (I was a teacher), ex-students and their parents whom I have not seen in over 3 years. All at once.

I'm not looking for a solution...I know there really isn't one as long as I am terrified of this event. It is what it is. My goal is just to not get triggered...not run off the field in tears, or hide somewhere and cry loudly for my 'mommy'. All of my grandchildren will be there and I don't want to be an idiot and embarrass or scare them.

I guess I just wanted to share how scared I am with people who understand. Thank you.

 

[cherryblossom]

Honestly, I think it's natural to be scared.

However, you are prepared. You know hat to expect, and you have worked hard to come this far.

You can do it. Just focus on your goal. You will do it.

Talk to your husband, if he can help you in the grocery store, he can help you at this event. Stick with him, and focus on seeing your grandson graduate. You can do this :)

 

[The Albatross]

A strategy is a solution to self manage and also giving yourself permission to withdraw from events when need be. Hope it goes well for you. Focusing on the desired outcome rather than the terror/fright/stress/anxiety is a habit to be cultivated to help you buck up during advantageous times.

 

[Bosco2153]

Thank you...I'm still not positive I can do it, but I am giving it all I can. Even if I have to sit in the parking lot...we'll see.

 

[Bosco2153]

Well today is the day. My grandson's graduation is hours away. I have given myself permission to sit apart from the rest of the family/friends, wear jeans and a tee and not get out of the car if I don't want to, not walk up to my grandson at the graduation, and leave at any point. Unavoidable problems are: it's a small town and friends and family will come up to the car if I stay in it; old students and co-workers might spot me; and my well-intentioned husband and adult children will try to encourage me to be 'strong' and convince me how safe I am, etc. because they don't understand the involuntary nature of PTSD. I HAVE to do this. I am almost sick with anxiety and fear. A cheerful, happy time is not my goal. My goal is to be present for my grandson, and to not freak out and 'run off' at the graduation, embarrassing and humiliating him.

 

[cherryblossom]

I don't have anything to say other that to wish you well. Do what you can, and enjoy it as much as possible. I hope it all works out better than you think it will.

 

[Bosco2153]

Thank you Cherryblossom....it usually does, and it probably will...but for some reason it is comforting to give myself persmission to take care of myself...even though this day is not about me.

 

[The Albatross]

Hoping it goes well for you, use your strategy and see it through as best as you are able!

 

[Bosco2153]

All went well. I let my son and grandson know I'd be there but that they may not see me. I had a nice chat with my husband to help him know what struggles I was facing and what I would need from him. He was a gem. I wore a simple cotton sun dress. I had a nice little jacket to put over it if I got cold....but it suddenly felt like 'clown clothes' and I rejected it for a velveteen hoody and felt much better. Lol. We stood to the side away from the crowds, but I could still see the stage...and I saw my grandson graduate. I heard them say his name. We left after his name and skipped the family party for him at my ex-husband's house. Thank you all for your support...it REALLY does help!

 

[The Albatross]

Very happy you got to see your grandson's special moment!! Good on you, build on your success?

 

[cherryblossom]

I saw my grandson graduate.

Congratulations. To both of you! ;)