My Husband Was Recently Diagnosed With Ptsd, Adhd & Bpd. Help!

[Cathy]

I love my husband dearly but he is driving me nuts! We've been married for 11 years, no kids thank goodness, and no pets either (too loud & volitile for pets right now).:( He has finally started taking meds for his ADHD and told me that he also has PTSD (didn't elaborate severity) but I'm not surprised about that. He grew up in a violent home AND city and took care of his mentally ill mother. My husband is contantly critisizing me (for my own good he says), and correcting my speech. AAAAAHHHHHHH (That's the biggest thing right now - he can't seem to understand anything I say!).
The sad thing is that I have tried for years to get him to address his anger issue, Jekyall & hyde personality, and now that he is getting therapy and starting on meds I can no longer deal. I feel trapped. We don't live together but I visit him as often as I can tollerate (we fight too much). I try so hard not to react but I often think that he starts fights to irritate me on purpose. Do you think I may have developed secondary PTSD from "chronic stress" (constantly walking on eggshells)? Is it worth giving him more chances to recover from some of his childhood traumas?

Sorry for the long post but I don't know what to do. Thanks so much.
Cat

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome the forum. I am sorry I cant offer advice, but I wanted to welcome you. Have you looked in the Supporter relationship part of the forum? There might be some helpful things for you there.

Take care

 

[Girl3]

OK - breathe - wow....yes you can develop a type of stress reaction to living with someone who has BPD. BPD and PTSD can overlap - but it can also just be severe PTSD talking on your husband's part. ADHD is a separate issue but can really ramp up the whole anger thing. (I have CPTSD and my husband has BPD/ADHD so I get the "living at the circus" atmosphere.) His ADHD meds may worsen his BPD/PTSD symptoms so they may need to add clonidine, and a tricyclic for sleep - but you need an MD who understands the interaction of the various meds. We have gone through ALL the ADHD meds and doses until we got the right gimish for making the ADHD better without making the BPD worse. He also needs to get a really healthy lifestyle - complex carbs, meat, no soda, minimal pure sugar, good sleep hygiene - exercise daily - and many times these guys don't want any of that because they crave junk and stay up all night. ADHD people criticize because they have "systems" and their minds are going at full throttle which is why they cannot slow down and take care of their own issues. I have found that calmly pointing out that A) the criticism wasn't helpful or necessary and B) we still have some objective we need to achieve - works well. The therapist taking care of him needs to address everything - even if it is "one thing at a time". My heart goes out to you.

 

[Girl3]

Oh and I love Basenji's -

 

[Cathy]

I love them too! My brother has a Tri-colored Basenji and he's awesome!
Thanks for the imput! Cat