saoirserylyn
Bronze Member
I recently relocated two hours from home and changed jobs to move into an apartment with my boyfriend. Naturally, this transition had caused a great deal of stress in both of our lives.
Immediately after moving in, I went through a complete and total mental breakdown. I didn't sleep for nearly two weeks due to horrible nightmares and recurrent flashbacks. I blame it on the new apartment, even prior to my trauma, I had a hard time settling into a new place and being able to call it "home."
During this transition breakdown, I took a lot of my fears and anxieties out on my boyfriend. I was constantly picking fights with him, screaming and yelling and crying. I had no control over my emotions. Supposedly one night I came into the bedroom, threw something at him, screaming bloody murder that he needed to get out of my bed. My bed has always been my safe place when I'm depressed. So, I'm guessing this episode occurred due to me feeling as though he was standing between me and my ability to feel calm and safe.
I quickly found a new therapist and am seeing her three days per week. Things have calmed down a whole lot since getting back into therapy.
Problem is, my boyfriend has troubling issues of his own. He shuts down completely when people yell etc. His mother was abusive when he was a child. Ever since my breakdown, he refuses to be physically affectionate towards me by saying that I need to initiate the affection more often (due to sexual abuse in my past this has always been confusing for me). He expects me to be able to watch triggering shows, movies, animes. He has called me mean and abusive. He has no respect for my problems anymore. I've been struggling and doing everything I can to accommodate him and give him everything he needs, but it's killing me. I'm not sleeping, working overtime, doing all the shopping, Laundry, etc. He asks me why it's hard for me, why I'm not doing more.
I grin and bare it all because I just moved away from home, I'm all alone... I don't know anyone here but him... I'm spending every night sitting awake crying while letting him sleep. I've contemplated suicide twice since living here.
He loved me so much before, was so close to me, so understanding of my trauma. Now I feel like he's using it against me to drive me crazy. And it's taking all that I am to hold myself together, but I can't do this alone.
I'm scared to leave my new job (I love my job). I'm scared of getting a broken lease on my credit (we're both on the lease). But I'm also becoming afraid of him.
Before living together, I'd have flashbacks and he would try helping me. Now when they happen, he walks out of the room to play video games or tries to start an argument with me.
When I asked him why all this is happening, he tells me it's because I was abusive towards him the first two weeks (during my breakdown) and he is emotionally scared from it and needs time to heal. Which sounds like an excuse to me, but I'm trying to be understanding.
What should I do??? Am I in the wrong here??? Please any insight would be a god send right now. Please help me.
Immediately after moving in, I went through a complete and total mental breakdown. I didn't sleep for nearly two weeks due to horrible nightmares and recurrent flashbacks. I blame it on the new apartment, even prior to my trauma, I had a hard time settling into a new place and being able to call it "home."
During this transition breakdown, I took a lot of my fears and anxieties out on my boyfriend. I was constantly picking fights with him, screaming and yelling and crying. I had no control over my emotions. Supposedly one night I came into the bedroom, threw something at him, screaming bloody murder that he needed to get out of my bed. My bed has always been my safe place when I'm depressed. So, I'm guessing this episode occurred due to me feeling as though he was standing between me and my ability to feel calm and safe.
I quickly found a new therapist and am seeing her three days per week. Things have calmed down a whole lot since getting back into therapy.
Problem is, my boyfriend has troubling issues of his own. He shuts down completely when people yell etc. His mother was abusive when he was a child. Ever since my breakdown, he refuses to be physically affectionate towards me by saying that I need to initiate the affection more often (due to sexual abuse in my past this has always been confusing for me). He expects me to be able to watch triggering shows, movies, animes. He has called me mean and abusive. He has no respect for my problems anymore. I've been struggling and doing everything I can to accommodate him and give him everything he needs, but it's killing me. I'm not sleeping, working overtime, doing all the shopping, Laundry, etc. He asks me why it's hard for me, why I'm not doing more.
I grin and bare it all because I just moved away from home, I'm all alone... I don't know anyone here but him... I'm spending every night sitting awake crying while letting him sleep. I've contemplated suicide twice since living here.
He loved me so much before, was so close to me, so understanding of my trauma. Now I feel like he's using it against me to drive me crazy. And it's taking all that I am to hold myself together, but I can't do this alone.
I'm scared to leave my new job (I love my job). I'm scared of getting a broken lease on my credit (we're both on the lease). But I'm also becoming afraid of him.
Before living together, I'd have flashbacks and he would try helping me. Now when they happen, he walks out of the room to play video games or tries to start an argument with me.
When I asked him why all this is happening, he tells me it's because I was abusive towards him the first two weeks (during my breakdown) and he is emotionally scared from it and needs time to heal. Which sounds like an excuse to me, but I'm trying to be understanding.
What should I do??? Am I in the wrong here??? Please any insight would be a god send right now. Please help me.
