My Son Has A Party Invite - Its Where My Daughter Was Abused!

[timetorecover]

I came home from therapy and my son had been given an invitation to a 6th Birthday Party. It is at the hall where my daughter's nursery school used to be, where she was sexually abused by a teacher, (before it got shut down!)

Months ago, I was toying with the idea of going back to the building. My therapist advised me not to, I took her advise and continued on my recovery and never thought I would have to face the option of being invited back to the premises.

The mother of the kid whose birthday it is, knows about my daughter's situation. Her daughter was also at the same pre-school and at the time of the police investigation, she was kept in the picture.

I am so angry, its so thoughtless. My husband said they do not owe us anything and cannot plan their lives around us.

My PTSD brain is seeing red, feeling targeted and very upset :(

 

[Zipperhead]

They probably don't recognise the fact that a building can be triggering. Before I was diagnosed I'd never heard tell of a trigger for PTSD. It is not a personnal attack, or even people being insensitive to your security issues. It's most likely just a case of people not understanding what your situation is, and therefore not taking your personnal needs into consideration.

I know how triggering this must be for you, but please realise it's the place that has triggered you, not any deliberate actions by anyone else. How were they to know that you would react like this? So can you deal with going to that place? Can you deal with your son being there without you? Decide, and politely respond. It is not their fault you are triggered.

 

[timetorecover]

Thanks Zipperhead, no I am sure that they do not understand.

I have declined politely! I could not imagine sending my son without me...

 

[KP the nut]

I know how triggering this must be for you, but please realise it's the place that has triggered you, not any deliberate actions by anyone else. How were they to know that you would react like this? So can you deal with going to that place? Can you deal with your son being there without you? Decide, and politely respond. It is not their fault you are triggered.

I agree Zip.

If you decide against allowing your son to attend. Why not organise a family event which you will all enjoy and direct your sons attention away from a party, something like a theme park, zoo, bowling etc.

(((HUGS))) to you whatever you decide.

 

[BloomInWinter]

They have no idea that it would be triggering, but you deserve to protect yourself and your family as you see fit.

They may even have thought it would make you feel 'left out' to not give you an invite. It's possible their intentions were good, even though it doesn't feel that way.

May you spend the time making happy memories, at least as much as you are able.

I'm sorry you have these memories to have to live with. Gosh... :(

*Linking Arms*

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I tend to agree with your husband.

It's not up to anyone else to build their lives around our triggers.

I also don't know the situation. Do you come from a small town with one main gathering venue? Was everything else booked? I doubt this was done with malice. You're personalizing something that wasn't done to harm you.

But...you have a right to stay safe and untriggered. If you don't want to go, then don't go.

If your husband isn't triggered by the venue, couldn't he take him?

 

[timetorecover]

Thanks guys, I am so grateful for your replies!

Scared of Lonely, we live in a very large City (too BIG!), not a small town, there are hundreds of places locally, which is why it shocked me really.

My husband does not want to go back there either. We have planned a day out instead.

I have been triggered, but its fine. It made me realise a few things. Its all a learning curve!! :eek:

 

[timetorecover]

I have been thanked for letting them know.

I feel good and in control!