Death My therapist passed suddenly

[Strangelongtrip]

Hello all. I got some hard news today. My therapist passed away suddenly after some non-covid health problems. I'm torn up. There were things we disagreed on, but we always came back to a conversation. I and he both considered us friends. I had just finished up my sessions with him and we were going to keep in touch. He saved my life. When I came to him, I was fresh off an almost suicide attempt that made me leave school, and suicidal almost daily. Now, less than 3 years later, I'm thriving, coping and chasing my dreams, only two semesters from my degree. I would ask him questions and examine things in a way where he'd just get a smile on his face and sort of shake his head because he had to think about it.

Because of COVID we may not be able to have a memorial for him. I keep thinking about the last time I saw him. He said he hated goodbyes so this wasn't goodbye, it was an until next time. Except there isn't a next time. I had so many good things in my life I wanted to tell him about, I even wrote him out an email about a week ago but I never got to tell him some of my dreams were happening. I owe him my life. I know the best way to honor his memory is just to live authentically, but it just seems so hard right now. I'm letting myself feel the deep emotions and just cry. It's just hard. I wanted him to see what I was going to accomplish. It's making me terrified of losing my family members who are around his age, too. I'm about to leave them and move far away and maybe I shouldn't do that, even if they've been sort of toxic.

I'm going to see another therapist at the practice to help process the grief. I'm cycling from anger to denial to sadness and all the other stages. I just needed to put it down somewhere. My friends have been so supportive, which is awesome too. I owe him for that, too, having wonderful friends. Before I saw him my friends were not real friends. Now I just am surrounded by wonderful people. I am so grateful for him.

 

[whiteraven]

I'm so sorry, @Strangelongtrip. What a hard thing to have to deal with. I'm glad to hear that you are taking care of yourself!

 

[EmmaOwl]

Now I just am surrounded by wonderful people. I am so grateful for him.

OMG That's awful! I'm so sorry you've had to experience that and at this kind of in-between time too. My therapist was on the edge for months but he finally recovered and is home from the hospital. It was odd when things were so up in the air, feeling this person's physical pain,

But... I can't describe the relief when I found out he was one of the lucky few to come OFF a ventilator in these strange and scary times. My thoughts are with you. From what you wrote, it sounds like you two did some excellent work together. Of course you are cycling through emotions and grief. I'm so sorry, that is one of the most unimaginably stressful things even at a stable time, to lose someone close to you so abruptly! :( From what you've written, it sounds like you are doing well. and also "normal" in the cycling through grief. I'm really glad you have someone to process this with, at the practice, and you can come around and get through this time relatively unscathed.

Best thoughts to you. Even if you don't have a 'real' memorial, know that your message right here is a tribute to the efforts of you and your therapist together. You're doing well. You're also brave to work with someone new so suddenly for your grief! Do you think you might transition to a different therapist? (Forgive me if that's an intrusive question. I ask just because I am starting with someone new - my guy is presumably getting back to work once lockdown ends, but we've worked together for more than 10 years and I am going ahead with the process of finding a new therapist - which is scary in new and different ways.) All of it is a mess! You sound together. Take care of yourself! and let us know how things are with the new person, if you are so inclined!

 

[Strangelongtrip]

Thank you both. @Allie D. I’m so sorry to hear yours has been through tough times! I’m temporarily transferring to a new one, I’m not going to be living here much longer so it won’t be for long but I’m hoping it’ll be helpful with this transition period in my life.

 

[EmmaOwl]

Thank you both. @Allie D. I’m so sorry to hear yours has been through tough times! I’m temporarily transferring to a new one, I’m not going to be living here much longer so it won’t be for long but I’m hoping it’ll be helpful with this transition period in my life.

I did want to say, I am sorry I focused on myself in my reply. But I was kind of startled to see this post while I was trying to find the words & the place for my issue.
You sound busy, I wish you the best in all of your transitions!

 

[Strangelongtrip]

No worries @Allie D. I've done the same thing, it's not exactly exciting that someone's experiencing the same thing but it feels like you're a little less alone, I totally get you! I'm glad that even though we're both struggling you were able to find solace in my words!!

Thank you!! I'm mostly excited but overwhelmed, too, but I'm getting there!