My Work Knows Now

[mytai]

@Ryn, I could email her before hand, but I know she wants me to verbalize what I want/need.

@novemberDark, marking up my face is new. In almost 20 years of abuse, this is the first time he's ever marked up my face. Enough to leave scars when the stitches come out. I don't feel very strong inside right now, in fact I feel very weak and like I'm about to fall apart.

@Em C., thanks for the hugs. I don't ever really feel like they are shutting me out, but I do worry that now that my boss knows why I've missed so much work, that he will begin to worry about my ability to perform to my current standard.

 

[Ryn]

I understand. But if you really think a hug would help you right now, then I say ask anyway in whatever way you can. You are learning to verbalise as you go along - right now, whatever you can do to help with your immediate safety and well-being is worth it.

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now, @mytai. I wish I could do something to help. Hang in there. Hugs to you.

 

[billie]

Hang in there @mytai you are on the next step now. The all new situation always will give off some anxiety for some. I guess just be aware of that and take it easy on yourself.

 

[desiderata310]

I remember… vaguely the first few days after my attack. Kind of somewhere between fragile and numb. I say vaguely because it's all a jumble now.

Be extra kind to you, please?
So glad your boss is doing the right thing.

 

[novemberDark]

If you don't always feel strong, just as long as you are aware you have it.

 

[mytai]

@desiderata310, trying to be kind to myself. This feeling is different than the one I had after the sexual assaults in December. I almost feel more violated in a way because he followed me for two days before the attack, and he now knows where I work. Work was my safe place, I didn't have to worry, there was very little to no stress involved with my job. He took that away and marked up my face which brings a whole level of embarrassment and shame. My face is bruised and stitched up, my self-esteem is shot, and I can't do anything about covering it up. Fragile is a very good word for how I feel right now, I'm scared I will break before I see my T on Thursday.

 

[Em C.]

You've got this and we are all here to make sure of it!

 

[Echo]

@mytai - we're all standing round you in a cyber-circle of hugs. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. No-one will be blaming you for what this despicable man has done. It must be so horrible for you to feel this fragile and to have a safe space taken away from you. It is good that your co-workers know though, because that brings an added layer of safety. Mytai, your spirit is strong to have dealt with all of this and made it this far. Just remember baby steps and take one hour at a time.

Sending you strength and hope ...