I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the correct thread but since it caused me to have a panic attack. I will post it here.
Last weekend my husband (soon to be x) called me from jail. He has been in there for 7 months awaiting trial. He had tried to kill me and was almost successful. I try to not talk to him unless it is absolutely necessary, but I chose to take this call and I am glad I did. He called to tell me he had been given a blood test in jail for sexually transmitted diseases. I didn't think much about it until he told me the results. He said he tested positive for HIV. I felt my world slipping away, as I had unprotected sex with him during the 5 months we were married before he tried to kill me. We had both gotten tested right before we met and I saw his results and he saw mine. What I didn't know was he had been abusing steroids and sharing needles while we were married. I found all of that out after he was in jail for a few weeks, as I found the evidence in my garage hidden away.
Since my attack, I have suffered from PTSD and have been working with my doctor and therapist to decrease my symptoms and be able to function daily at work and home. I had made such wonderful progress and I feel like I have taken many steps back upon finding this information out.
I hyperventilated and couldn't breath for what felt like forever. I was a basket case and have been taking Clonapin (for my anxiety attacks) a few times a day since finding out his results. I hadn't taken this medication for many weeks and was excited about my progress. So after my panic attack and initial shock, I went online and found a HIV testing center that was open on the weekends. I couldn't wait until a Monday to get tested.
So for the entire weekend I stayed in bed, I mean all weekend. I didn't eat, I had terrible stomach pains, and ended up running a fever for 4 days. I literally made myself sick. I prayed every prayer you could think of and I kept preparing myself for the worst. My thought was I survived attempted murder only to be faced with a disease that will shorten my life. I was a basket case. Come Monday morning I still had to go to work. I am a teacher and my students need me, plus I needed to keep my mind focused.
On Tuesday morning I awoke at 4:30am, out of the blue. Sleep does not go well when my anxiety gets bad. I checked my email as I HAD to see the results if they were there, and they were. My results were negative. I was elated. I am elated. Since I had not had sex with him for more than 6 months, it was an accurate test. I had read that the virus can be in you and not show up on a test until at least 6 months.
I just don't know how much more I can take sometimes. I feel so overwhelmed by all of the circumstances surrounding the case and when we have a court date that gets close, my PTSD symptoms get worse and my anxiety goes way up. Our next court hearing is April 25. Since I haven't been subpoenaed I won't go but the next one after that the district attorney told me I will need to go to and testify. Even though I won't go to the next hearing, I still experience terrible anxiety on court dates (there have been 4 so far).
I can't wait to get the trial over and for him to be sentenced. I don't know if it is rational or not but I worry that when he gets out he will come and find me and try to give me HIV by attacking and raping me or that he will get out and try to kill me and maybe succeed. I know this is decades away, but I can't help but worry about it, I am petrified of him. So, this is my life right now.
Last weekend my husband (soon to be x) called me from jail. He has been in there for 7 months awaiting trial. He had tried to kill me and was almost successful. I try to not talk to him unless it is absolutely necessary, but I chose to take this call and I am glad I did. He called to tell me he had been given a blood test in jail for sexually transmitted diseases. I didn't think much about it until he told me the results. He said he tested positive for HIV. I felt my world slipping away, as I had unprotected sex with him during the 5 months we were married before he tried to kill me. We had both gotten tested right before we met and I saw his results and he saw mine. What I didn't know was he had been abusing steroids and sharing needles while we were married. I found all of that out after he was in jail for a few weeks, as I found the evidence in my garage hidden away.
Since my attack, I have suffered from PTSD and have been working with my doctor and therapist to decrease my symptoms and be able to function daily at work and home. I had made such wonderful progress and I feel like I have taken many steps back upon finding this information out.
I hyperventilated and couldn't breath for what felt like forever. I was a basket case and have been taking Clonapin (for my anxiety attacks) a few times a day since finding out his results. I hadn't taken this medication for many weeks and was excited about my progress. So after my panic attack and initial shock, I went online and found a HIV testing center that was open on the weekends. I couldn't wait until a Monday to get tested.
So for the entire weekend I stayed in bed, I mean all weekend. I didn't eat, I had terrible stomach pains, and ended up running a fever for 4 days. I literally made myself sick. I prayed every prayer you could think of and I kept preparing myself for the worst. My thought was I survived attempted murder only to be faced with a disease that will shorten my life. I was a basket case. Come Monday morning I still had to go to work. I am a teacher and my students need me, plus I needed to keep my mind focused.
On Tuesday morning I awoke at 4:30am, out of the blue. Sleep does not go well when my anxiety gets bad. I checked my email as I HAD to see the results if they were there, and they were. My results were negative. I was elated. I am elated. Since I had not had sex with him for more than 6 months, it was an accurate test. I had read that the virus can be in you and not show up on a test until at least 6 months.
I just don't know how much more I can take sometimes. I feel so overwhelmed by all of the circumstances surrounding the case and when we have a court date that gets close, my PTSD symptoms get worse and my anxiety goes way up. Our next court hearing is April 25. Since I haven't been subpoenaed I won't go but the next one after that the district attorney told me I will need to go to and testify. Even though I won't go to the next hearing, I still experience terrible anxiety on court dates (there have been 4 so far).
I can't wait to get the trial over and for him to be sentenced. I don't know if it is rational or not but I worry that when he gets out he will come and find me and try to give me HIV by attacking and raping me or that he will get out and try to kill me and maybe succeed. I know this is decades away, but I can't help but worry about it, I am petrified of him. So, this is my life right now.
