Narc Husband Part Back On Attack While Therapist Is On Vacation...

[Freedomfighter]

My husband and I go to the same T. Ive been going to her longer and she has become a tremendous source...

So you started seeing this therapist before your husband? Does that mean she treats the both of you as individuals or is she a marriage therapist? Your situation describing your husband's behavior sounds odd and it is very common that abusive partners will attempt to connect to the same individuals than the victim.

To me it sounds like the two of you should not have the same counselor, or perhaps if using the same counselor than the both of you should only have sessions in which both of you are present so none of your counselor's advice could be taken out of context by your abusive husband.

He almost sounds like an angry little boy that follows you around who wants to butt in and talk to the same people than you do. I know lots of such insane people.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

While I can related to the therapist aspect I wish I could related better to your situation, for me I don't think I will ever be capable of the a relationship with anyone, but if I could I would never be able to cope with abuse from a spouse. I am surprised your handling it this well. I praise your strength, that you have been able to cope with this, and reach out on this forum for feedback. Maybe some of this strength can be directed towards developing a care plan for yourself that includes steps you might take in dealing with your situation. A plan that has a goal to work towards. It may help you think more clearly in a high stress environment. And it may help you gain strength you did not know you had.

 

[shimmerz]

I went through this years ago (about 11) when I was mistakenly attempting to save my marriage. What I didn't realize was that the only reason my husband went was so he could gather ammunition from another male (or better yet female) about how 'crazy I was'. There was an agenda. And in my way of thinking, the agenda is always, when gaslighting is being instigated in a relationship, 'this person is crazy, so don't listen to them'.

My therapist, (it's a long story and I won't bore you), when he was told by my ex that I had gone to see a specialist because I kept losing my keys, forgetting where I put things (gaslighting), looked at him and said 'Well, okay, she is doing something about what is happening with her. What are YOU doing about YOUR issues?'

Funny thing is that he never went back after that. Oh, wait, idiot me..... when he refused to go last minute, I remember being in the car with him, insisting that he pay for the missed appt. What I didn't realize (and this was confirmed sometime later) was that he told the therapist that I was refusing to go and that he was being forced to pay. That I had freaked out on him after that last appointment. lol.

I wish I had understood this type of dynamic better in those days. As it stood, I didn't have a chance. I was a babe in the forest.

My suggestion would be to keep in mind that there is an agenda here. You are being gaslighted for a reason. That won't change, no matter who is in the room. Doesn't matter why he is doing it (I wasted so much time caring about this). It matters that, if humanly possibly, get out as often as you can until you can make plans to secure your safety and leave.

Best of luck to you.... I will be sending you warm thoughts

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

make plans to secure your safety and leave

I echo the words from @shimmerz above, your safety and well being should be your top priority, no one can take care of you better than you. He certainly is not taking care of your well being. May I suggest you spend a long day away from the situation, visit your family or something, but for the sole purpose being to think. Get yourself some space so you can sort this out in your head without other influences. So you can get a care plan for you together, so when you go back you have a plan of action to follow that protects your interests.