daydreamRAD
New Here
Im hear because i suffer from cpstd and ptsd.
Breif history my dad was an alcoholic and suffered through a lot of trauma and he brought it on to me. My mother cheated on my dad and ran out on us. My dad today is 20 years sober and we have a great relationship. My mom i keep in contact.
I started using pills and drink at 15 i wound up at the height of my addiction at 22 and went to rehab it changed my life after rehab i put myself in a sober living house i need to leanr better life skills and be able to leanr how to cope. I did just so attended na meetings regular worked the steps. I end up having to move with my mom worked at a restaurant were i meet my beautiful wife. We were unsepratable. After a year of being together i found out i was going to be a dad it was the best most exciting moments of my life. I thought i made it.
Then life hard blow my best friend was killed car surfing. That was hard i remained drug free and dealt with it the best i could i hid my pain from my wife and tried to forget.
Then 6 moths later delt the blow that would take me to one of my darkest days of my life. I was at work pulling a trailer. I yeilded but the road was hard to see who was coming because the couture of land . As i was crossing the 4 way i noticed a pickup speeding toward me and i know at that point the only way to go was to floor it and hope to makenit across and i didnt. He hit the trailor and tore it off my truck and he hit a powere line i rolled and by the end of the wreck he ended up slaming into me. I was stuck in the pickup and gass was leaking everywhere and i couldnt get out get out and I finally squeezed threw the window. I made it with 2 cuts onnmy head and whiplash. How ever the guy that hit me would later die of his injuries.
I was drug throw a lawsuit and my company lawyers were saying this guy was more at fault, then they offered his family settlement money and in turn made me out to be incompetent. I struggled because the guy had 5 children at home it messed with not only that every time i closed my eyes id see the wreck over and over i never experienced anything like that i felt hopless and id just wished over and over ibwould of just died in that wreck.
Anyways, it took a big toll on my family wife I’d be distant and would be always doing somthing or bs with friends and avoding my wife and child then i would get angry and frustrated and my vioce and my tone expression would all change.
I felt lost and i put alot strain on my wife. I wound up relapsing and try to off myself and wound up OD went back rehab seeked counseling things get better.
What i struggle with now is im fine things are going good for a good time then i get stress piling up and i go back to being distance in my head then i start getting angry and frustrated and everthing changes again for serval weeks or a few months then i snap out andim fine.
The one thing I did’t get out counseling is leaning what ptsd and seeing when i start to have an episode or my triggers or how to rationalize how to breath how to catch myself befor i start the cycle over again.
I really wanna be me. I was a funny out going and goofy person. i just want to be that guy.
The ups and down also hurt my relationship with my wife. She deserves me at my best she truly has been the best person ever, and dealt with a lot; i just want to give my wife and kids thebbest version of me that I can possibly give and what they deserve.
Right now i dont have insurance for counseling. Were i live there is no truma counselers the closet is an hour away. I’ve been writing not holding stuff in tryinng to say what’s on my mind and stay in the moment and take it 1 day at a time. Any tips of advice would be great i would gratly appreciate it.
Breif history my dad was an alcoholic and suffered through a lot of trauma and he brought it on to me. My mother cheated on my dad and ran out on us. My dad today is 20 years sober and we have a great relationship. My mom i keep in contact.
I started using pills and drink at 15 i wound up at the height of my addiction at 22 and went to rehab it changed my life after rehab i put myself in a sober living house i need to leanr better life skills and be able to leanr how to cope. I did just so attended na meetings regular worked the steps. I end up having to move with my mom worked at a restaurant were i meet my beautiful wife. We were unsepratable. After a year of being together i found out i was going to be a dad it was the best most exciting moments of my life. I thought i made it.
Then life hard blow my best friend was killed car surfing. That was hard i remained drug free and dealt with it the best i could i hid my pain from my wife and tried to forget.
Then 6 moths later delt the blow that would take me to one of my darkest days of my life. I was at work pulling a trailer. I yeilded but the road was hard to see who was coming because the couture of land . As i was crossing the 4 way i noticed a pickup speeding toward me and i know at that point the only way to go was to floor it and hope to makenit across and i didnt. He hit the trailor and tore it off my truck and he hit a powere line i rolled and by the end of the wreck he ended up slaming into me. I was stuck in the pickup and gass was leaking everywhere and i couldnt get out get out and I finally squeezed threw the window. I made it with 2 cuts onnmy head and whiplash. How ever the guy that hit me would later die of his injuries.
I was drug throw a lawsuit and my company lawyers were saying this guy was more at fault, then they offered his family settlement money and in turn made me out to be incompetent. I struggled because the guy had 5 children at home it messed with not only that every time i closed my eyes id see the wreck over and over i never experienced anything like that i felt hopless and id just wished over and over ibwould of just died in that wreck.
Anyways, it took a big toll on my family wife I’d be distant and would be always doing somthing or bs with friends and avoding my wife and child then i would get angry and frustrated and my vioce and my tone expression would all change.
I felt lost and i put alot strain on my wife. I wound up relapsing and try to off myself and wound up OD went back rehab seeked counseling things get better.
What i struggle with now is im fine things are going good for a good time then i get stress piling up and i go back to being distance in my head then i start getting angry and frustrated and everthing changes again for serval weeks or a few months then i snap out andim fine.
The one thing I did’t get out counseling is leaning what ptsd and seeing when i start to have an episode or my triggers or how to rationalize how to breath how to catch myself befor i start the cycle over again.
I really wanna be me. I was a funny out going and goofy person. i just want to be that guy.
The ups and down also hurt my relationship with my wife. She deserves me at my best she truly has been the best person ever, and dealt with a lot; i just want to give my wife and kids thebbest version of me that I can possibly give and what they deserve.
Right now i dont have insurance for counseling. Were i live there is no truma counselers the closet is an hour away. I’ve been writing not holding stuff in tryinng to say what’s on my mind and stay in the moment and take it 1 day at a time. Any tips of advice would be great i would gratly appreciate it.
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