New Here, But Sadly Not New To Abuse...

[mortiis31]

Hi everyone, I've just signed up here, as a last resort of sorts, I guess. I'm looking for some friendship and support, or anything really, as where I live nothing is available.

I'm 34 years of age, an author from New Zealand (small town called Blenheim, in the upper Southern Island), and things are pretty heavy right now, in terms of where I am in my life.

I am not 100 percent certain on weather this is the place to post about my experiences or not, so I won't in detail, other than to say that I was sexually abused on an almost nightly basis by my Father from the age of 3 until I turned 10. My mother was also very abusive (physically and psychologically, not sexually) and actually knew that the abuse was carrying on.

I have also been raped during my younger adult years on two occasions (these were both one-off occasions, yet were very very violent attacks).

The whole thing has pretty much destroyed who I am, and no amount of counseling or psychotherapy has helped in the least, to be honest.
I have an underlying hatred for men and all things that men stand for (even though I am one myself, I also loathe myself immensely).

As I said, I'm here for friendship, companionship, and to meet fellow people who are kind, understanding and non judgmental (this is a huge MUST for me).

Thanks so much for listening to me.

Scott
x

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Scott and welcome.
Sorry you have to be here - but glad you are:)
I don't think you will find us judgemental in the least, although some suggestions are hard hitting. But I always think that is a good thing... it makes you think!!

Look forward to hearing more from you, in your own time , when you are ready.
Regards
Lucy x

 

[Darkness Shines]

Scott, I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Really. You can talk to me about whatever you want. I'm pretty OK with reading other people's stories most of the time, and certainly don't think I'm judgmental. Hope I'm not, anyway! I'm no stranger to self-loathing either.

 

[anthony]

Hey Scott... welcome to the forum.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hey Scott,

Welcome to the forum :wave:

This is the right place to discuss your issues where sexual abuse is concerned. The majority of our members are female, but please don't let that put you off. I believe that whatever our gender, we all still suffer the same insecurities, and issues. It's great to have you here, although I'm obviously sorry that you have reason to be here. But you are very welcome. I look forward to getting to know you better :)

 

[Blutarg]

Hi Scott. I'm also new here and, although I'm female, I have had similar experiences to you so I can understand where you are coming from to a certain extent. But I think, for some reason, it must be harder for a man so you have my compassion. I have met many men who have had horrid experiences and they all share your feeling of self-loathing just as I do. I hope you find friends and support here because you need that more than anything if I can guess anything about where you're at. From what I can gather, you've come to the right place. Hope to hear more from you.

 

[Nyx]

Welcome. Sorry to hear about what you've been through. I would like to tell you something though: don't give up on yourself! The people who brought you here, to this point in life, are horrible people. They are, not you!

Take care of you, okay?

 

[cherryblossom]

I'm also new here

Welcome to the forum too, Blutarg :peekaboo:

I hope you find help and healing here.

 

[mortiis31]

Hi Scott and welcome.
Sorry you have to be here - but glad you are:)
I don't think you will find us judgemental in the least, although some suggestions are hard hitting. But I always think that is a good thing... it makes you think!!

Look forward to hearing more from you, in your own time , when you are ready.
Regards
Lucy x

Lucy, thanks so much for your comments. Yes judgement is a huge barrier for me, I am constantly judged where I live, for everything really!
I hope that everyone here on this forum is as sweet and welcoming as yourself.
X

 

[mortiis31]

Scott, I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Really. You can talk to me about whatever you want. I'm pretty OK with reading other people's stories most of the time, and certainly don't think I'm judgmental. Hope I'm not, anyway! I'm no stranger to self-loathing either.

Darkness Shines,
thanks so very much for your sweet comment. I would like to talk to you, perhaps we can exchange Facebooks? It would be easier for me to chat there, if possible. Send me a PM.

 

[mortiis31]

Hey Scott... welcome to the forum.

Anthony, thanks mate.

 

[mortiis31]

Hey Scott,

Welcome to the forum :wave:

This is the right place to discuss your issues where sexual abuse is concerned. The majority of our members are female, but please don't let that put you off. I believe that whatever our gender, we all still suffer the same insecurities, and issues. It's great to have you here, although I'm obviously sorry that you have reason to be here. But you are very welcome. I look forward to getting to know you better :)

Cherryblossom,
thanks - I am glad I have found the right place to discuss some issues which are a little overwhelming to deal with on my own. I am currently thinking of throwing in the towel where counselling is concerned - it just does not seem to be moving forward, and I don't see a point in keeping it active if it's gone stale, if you know what I mean.

You are right in what you say - we all do suffer differently, but we all suffer, so if we're all here for one another I think that something good can come of this (or at least, I hope so!).