New here - "getting out"/survivors guilt/sibling currently at risk - input appreciated

Hi all,

My journey has been like peeling back an onion as I'm sure many can relate. I grew up in dysfunctional household...both parents undiagnosed, but emotionally unstable mother/enabling & dismissive father.

Left home at 17 and in a nutshell, I attracted many of the same sorts of attachments in my adulthood. I'm at a place where I finally see through the veil of it all and have concrete healthy steps to continue to build the life I want.

What's bugging me more than ever however, is that one of my siblings is suffering the brunt of our family's dysfunction for the past decade. They were diagnosed with schizo over a decade ago and I first I bought into the narrative that they had a mental break...not realizing that the mental break was probably due to all the shit they'd gone through at the hands of my parents because they received perhaps the worst of it when I look back on everything. I have noticed that my mother has strong traits of Munchausen by Proxy. I've reflected on her taking me constantly to doctors when I was younger and telling her friends I was her "sick child", but I didn't think anything of this until recently, my schizo-diagnosed sibling told me she was behind all his electro-shock treatments (against his consent) and ordering drugs that IMO he doesn't need because she got guardianship over him even though he has passed every mental health evaluation for the past decade.

I now question whether he ever even needed to be institutionalized to begin with and not to mention since I have so much experience being around predatory people/gaslighting and such, I can see how that influence can quite literally make someone question reality...I've experienced it but luckily got through it.

What's sad is that when he was first institutionalized, it was like that movie "Mommy" where he thought he was being taken care of by his loved ones and they just threw them into the psych ward w/o his consent which is traumatic as hell. They came to our parents with their mental health concerns and they totally betrayed their trust.

I was in such a brain fog about all this - at the time I was still on the tail end of an abusive relationship, I'm just starting to see how bad it all was from the very beginning and how it's really like more malevolent/deliberate than I realized because my parents were always presenting it like ("oh, we had to put them in a psych ward, they were really sick, we're so sad, it's so hard...pity party like) when I'm starting to think it's all bullshit lies now.

My third sibling I talk to has told me that this parent that has guardianship had made a "joke" saying "that's it...i'm just going to have to kill them (schizo sibling). I'll just go to jail" and to me that is not a joke...this same parent has emailed me saying their going to mental health legislation meetings to help "reform" the system because it's "broken" and to me that's even more of a red flag because it's now becoming more of her identity as this "savior/do-gooder". And she has not had ANY professional help - no therapy - infact when I mentioned it may be a good idea, I was met with hostility.

Even one of the psych counselors called her out saying she needs to give my sibling some space...but that's just one person out of many.

I feel so much guilt because I feel like I'm sitting back and literally letting my sibling die at her hands, but I'm fearful to report it because she is a medical professional and no one in the family thinks she is anything but sweet and kind and good. She's also a "Christian" so she can hide behind her church.

Also, my sibling that is going through this does have a fond attachment to her because what her and my father do is basically break them down to build them up. They'll put them through all this behind the scenes AND be the ones to comfort, provide and socialize so I don't want to burst their bubble and say hey you're being royally abused, but they (my sibling) has spoke to me and said they're noticing things themselves and I just listen and do my best to stay neutral.

If it goes reported, there's that risk of my sibling doing worse mentally AND I don't want her to take it out on my sibling in a way he does die. I've been hesitant to bring this to a therapist myself because of what may happen, but also I've had issues finding a trustworthy therapist for myself AND trusting myself like am I making too big a deal of this?

I'm not seeking validation, but open to honest input. Thanks for reading.
 
Irrespective of whether your sibling has schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder, there are 2 realities that are very difficult to come to terms with: (1) they require ongoing treatment, and it’s treatment that a lot of folks find pretty awful; and (2) they have better chances at recovery/remission if they have a supportive family helping them.

Which is not to say that your mum is making good choices. So much as an acknowledgement that it’s a complicated and distressing situation, where the best outcome is very often still not a great outcome.

If you aren’t already, it might help to join a local support group for supporters of people living with mental health issues. People who understand the complexities of the situation, and are dealing with similar issues themselves.
 
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