General New Here - Long Distance Relationship with PTSD

[samsara]

PS> You don't need to tell him you are moving back. It's of no concern to him.
concentrate on yourself. Are you sure you need to move back? It's a big deal and very unsettling if unnecessary. Maybe you could find another job there?
Or go to a city you have never been to and always wanted to, Have a new adventure, start afresh?
The last two years may have been about him. Now it's time to stop him dictating what and where you go. It's your life now, enjoy it and nourish your spirit.

 

[blueeyedgirl]

PS> Are you sure you need to move back? It's a big deal and very unsettling if unnecessary. Maybe you could find another job there?
Or go to a city you have never been to and always wanted to, Have a new adventure, start afresh?
The last two years may have been about him. Now it's time to stop him dictating what and where you go. It's your life now, enjoy it and nourish your spirit.

Wow, you sound as if you know exactly what I've been feeling! Because, yes, I have to admit, the past two years since I've been here in Boston...well, they have largely been about him. So much so, that I've been unable to truly find a life for myself here. But, I also cannot deny that acclimating here has been extremely hard. I'm a Southern girl. That may not mean much to you in Australia, but consider moving to some place in northern Europe! Very cold, very different, and you don't know a soul. Not only that, but no one really cares to know you. That's been my life for two years!

I'm not close to my family, but I do have a few extremely good friends in Georgia. They are my family. So, I'm going back there. Actually, a girlfriend of mine is actually willing to break her lease just to get a place with me!

My moving has nothing to do with him. Although, I cannot help but think about how/if things would change once the distance is gone. But, that's really moot at this point...because he DOES need therapy. And, thank you for your words of encouragement! I simply couldn't wait for another month or so until I hear from him again to tell him what is so obvious. I just hope he listens...

Thank you again! :)

 

[Cowgirl]

Good for you, to look after yourself. PTSD does not have to mean a complete unavailability to a relationship, as it has with him. From your descriptions, I think he has more problems than "just" PTSD. I'm going to give you some unsolicited advice, though. Do not move near him. Do not seek out his haunts. Do not feed and nourish that part of you which hopes to rekindle anything with him. Instead, understand that you will grieve the loss of the relationship, even though it hasn't been happy and healthy for a long while. Give yourself some time to grieve, and time to heal. Don't launch into another relationship, but be open to casual dating. Get out and do things you really enjoy. Pursue hobbies. Get involved in groups that promote those hobbies. Meet interesting people of all ages, for friendship and camaraderie, not romance. Nurture yourself. Best wishes! Cowgirl

 

[samsara]

Could not have said it better myself cowgirl! The best advice on here.

 

[Nicolette]

Yes, good advice Cowgirl.