Relationship New Here

[burnbright]

Hello all,

I have been with my partner for nearly 5 years.

I have been aware of past trauma in my partner's life for about 4 years, and was so grateful in the beginning that she trusted me enough to be open with me. Our lives together since everything was out in the open have been rocky yet committed. I was warned by my partner that she had a tendency to sabotage, and that at the end of the day all she wanted to believe was that someone would prove her fearful sabotaging tendencies wrong. I have been committed to being as consistent and supportive as I can be while remembering to take care of myself.

My partner and I recently began couples counseling, and this has presented us with a likelihood of my partner suffering from PTSD though as counsel to us collectively, our counselor does not want to formally diagnose.

Since learning of my partner's potential PTSD, I have tried to learn what I can.

This process has resulted in my seeing so many circumstances of her raging on me or shutting me out in a more complex light. I want to be able to understand as best I can how to be a supportive partner; I fear doing too much as much as I fear doing too little. I have trouble understanding what is fair or reasonable to expect, and when it is fair or reasonable to believe so.

Though I have been there since 2006 trying to understand my way through the rages and disassociations that can last for hours or weeks, it's only been a couple of months since PTSD has become an umbrella under which these happenings connect and are explained.

I love her so much. I want to be the best partner I can be, and I have only recently come to the realization that my perfection or imperfection as a sufferer's partner does not directly lead to my partner's ability to see that I will not prove her fears to be right.

I am so grateful that there is a community like this one.

burnbright

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[amethist]

Hi burnbright, welcome to a place of understanding and learning.

There are so many things to learn being a supporter, but taking good care of yourself is possibly the hardest one for all of us. We seem to think that if we do that, we are not supporting them, by being selfish to our own needs.

Many of us find that by doing the best we can for our own needs, can make a big difference in supporting them.

Read and ask questions as you need to. There is so much information in the area alone, to keep you going for a while.

Take care.

Amethist

 

[burnbright]

Thank you, Amethist, for saying what you did; I feel that recently the divvying-up of my emotional energy between being a supportive partner and taking care of my own needs has gotten a lot harder.

We had a hard night and a hard morning, and I turned all that energy into getting on here and reading everything I could.
I already feel stronger; for myself and for her.

 

[Loving4PTSD]

Welcome Burnbright. I do think coming to this page and reading about what other people are going through will be a huge help. I know it was for me. I didn't feel so alone anymore and I realized that there are other people out there going through the same things. And venting about what is going on in your life will feel great. Sometimes you just need to get things out in order to feel a little better. Feel free to contact me at any time if you would like to talk!;)

 

[ISupportHer]

I will just chime in to welcome you. It's great that you are doing couples counseling and actually awesome that she is allowing your participation. I think that is huge.

ISH