Relationship New To Relationship And Ptsd

[Ali]

The 831 and LUS were all I got on some days.. and I know that was difficult for him. I am pretty good about telling people how I feel as I am much better at speaking than writing. I speak my mind, but being raised in the south I also know how to sugar coat it if need be. Right now, I do not feel I need to sugar coat anything.
I know the isolation is not his fault, and if anything, he actually tried to fight it back this time. Well, that's what he told me anyways.
The museum thing was a bummer. I was looking forward to meeting his son, but there will be a next time. I'm not going anywhere and either is he

. He is going to try his hardest to be here this weekend.
Tomorrow is a big day, careerwise, for him. So, if you think about or just so happen to be reading this on the 15th, please send some positive juju this way.
Thanks Ya'll,
~Ali~

 

[Marie E.]

(((Big Hugs))) Ali

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Sending juju!

I love you (((((((Ali)))))))))))))

 

[Ali]

The career move he was looking for didn't happen.. secretly I am happy, but for very selfish reasons. The job he wanted was extremely dangerous. Although it would make him happy, I think I would prematurily grey;).
He ended up having to drive pretty close to me today and we met up for lunch at a park. We only had about 15 minutes, but it was so GREAT to see him. I wish he would have given me proper time to get cute... he just called and said." What are you doing in about 20 minutes?"
It was the fastest 15 minutes of my life.. I think I only blinked twice, knowing that time was eating away at our picnic lunch. Moments like today... those 15 minutes... :inlove:
No visits planned for at least 3 weeks. I have to go out of state. He said he is going to concentrate on working overtime, saving money and coming over to visit for a 4 day break!!! Not just 1 or 2, but 4 woohoo!!! Sorry! had to share my excitement. I'll be back
Feeling Like I'm 16 Again!!~Ali

 

[deer_in_headlights]

(((((((((((((((Ali))))))))))))))))))!!!

 

[Redheaded Stranger]

I've had people try that with me, when I'm overwhelmed and need to isolate. It's usually all about them, and feeling insecure in our friendship, and wanting me to comfort them - when I barely have energy to keep living. To be burdened with having to continually reassure someone, when we are in need and depleted, is too much of a drain. It can cause us (in a self-protective mode) to cut off all contact entirely with the person who wants to be with us.

Wow. Revelation! I didn't realize that my need to know that things are okay were burdonsome to him. So what am I supposed to do when he isolates? How do I know he's coming back?

 

[Redheaded Stranger]

Deer,

I think you may be my new favorite person. Your loving responses to Ali are beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. I'm in a super-similar situation to Ali and your hugs to her felt like hugs to me as well. You are a sweet, responsive, thoroughly lovely person and I wish you peace, beauty and laughter.

Readeaded Stranger

 

[Ali]

Deer is one of the best assets on here. I will be back on a little later~ things are not good here :(

 

[seedling]

Sorry to hear it Ali, hope things look up soon.

 

[ktmarie71]

The people here are amazing. I have learned so much from the different perspectives, useful advice and honest expressions of emotions.
I read just about everything I can get my hands on about PTSD. I have it myself but it is a little diffrent for my husband who has it from combat. The books listed here are good and there are some sites on FB that also have good lists. Some of the military PTSD sites might have some ideas about where to get more specific books about PTSD and law enforcement.
I do not have much to add to what has already been said. You have some really good advice being offered. The only thing I could add is not to lose your sense of humor. I think that humor is really the thing that gets my husband and I through all this.

 

[Ali]

Alright friends.. I am sad to say I pushed too far and he has "dismissed" me. Last weekend he was suppose to come over for few days. Tuesday he started acting weird. I asked him if things were still a go and he said yes, he was just tired and would text me in the morning. Wednesday morning nothing, afternoon nothing.. I called and left him a voicemail. He responded back via text 'yelling' at me (which he has NEVER done) that he was on the firing range and to f^*$ing relax. I had no response to that..... this is different. I hadn't seen this side of him and I didn't like it. Later Wednesday evening I sent him the normal goodnight message and he responded will text later. Again, not normal. Thursday I didn't even attempt. Thursday evening he sent me a text from a WAKE ~ I didn't even know someone had passed away! stating that he was in love with me, but had to find new job, wants to be with me, but can't right now too much sh!t going on, how he quit drinking, and has no money....?????? I am blown away! Last message he sent me until tonight was I gotta go~ I love you ~ Text or talk in a few days. This was all 10 days ago.
Tuesday he posted on FB that his 'Uncle' had passed away. I knew this had to tear him apart as he admired and respected this man. I knew his Uncle had been sick for a long time. I didn't call or text, I simply responded that I am sinceerely sorry for his loss. I did not pressure any kind of response nor did I get one.
Tonight I pushed... I knew when I was doing it, that it was probably the wrong move. It was. I called and he ignored it ( i knew from the timing) I then sent him a text. I asked him was he trying to make me mad? His response hurt. Again 'yelling'. "STOP!! I ahve a lot of f*%^ing sh!t going on right now! I will see you and text you when I am ready! Quit texting and calling!"
I can't pretend to understand what he is going through. 2 deaths in a row with the PTSD already in motion.. I really don't feel 1 phone call and 1 text deserved such a douchebag response. I am not upset right now. Right now I am PISSED! ** I need to go back an reread others post to get a grip on our reality.
I don't know if he will ever call or text again. He was worth putting up with PTSD for, but the way he spoke at me... I was really very uncomfortable with that. This is a man with a beautiful protected soul whose wink of an eye would make me weak in the knees and blush. (tears are flowing now) He promised to never hurt me...its not the isolation~ it's the anger. I am scared IF he ever wanted to see me again (big IF) I will fear him. I feel so stupid! and embarassed.
Sorry to go on. A little support would go a long way. Please just be honest as usual. Thanks~Ali~
p.s. via FB status.. he is drinking again

 

[Redheaded Stranger]

Dear Ali,

I am so sorry for the way you are feeling right now and for how he treated you. You didn't deserve that kind of response, but I guess that is how PTSD works. I'm learning but end up doing the same kinds of things and getting either no response or the wrong one.

Please know that we do understand. We can't change it, but we are here for you and love you and cry when you cry. Consider yourself hugged and patted and if I were there I'd cook you a big batch of cookies.

I'm sorry.

Red