NeverAgain86
New Here
After 8 years I've finally admitted to myself that I need help with my previous domestic abuse assaults and sexual assaults and abuse.
The whole process is frightening, especially because I'm only in my mid twenties. I've always hidden my pain, anger and sadness and although I've seen a therapist a few times throughout the last 8 years, I haven't ever fully explained what happened to me and my child. It didn't take more than the first session with my therapist (I've been going back to her for the last 2 months.) that she diagnosed me with PTSD. I know what it is, and I know how it affects my emotions, my thoughts and my physical body - but I also understand that having to fight through my problems will cause just as much pain and suffering.
Two weeks ago I met with a specialist who performs EMDR treatment. I had read countless booklets about the process and understood what it was about, but I was not prepared for the affects it had on me directly and the affects brought out in the aftermath. The flashbacks are worse, the nightmares are frequent - nightly - and the memories are surfacing greatly, especially with the sexual assaults, which are the biggest part of my trauma that I've hidden away the deepest.
My support system is thinning extremely. I can't talk about these type of things with my family members, except my younger brother. (He is not my biological brother, but more like my best friend with the same last name - hence, we love each other as brother and sister.) Ironically, I feel closest to and most comfortable with my brother, even though the thought of being round men is terrifying to me. Unfortunately, he is currently living in a different state, so texting and phone calls are all we have. The other members of my support system are also out of state and don't know anything of the sexual abuse, they are convinced my trauma was strictly physical violence and nothing more.
The only other person who knows the entire story is my boyfriend who is away studying in a different country. The last 4 weeks he has started ignoring me and has left me feeling abandoned and alone even more than I already feel.
My support system is small, and nothing physical. When I need comfort I have to rely solely on words, which help... but realistically I think having some physical comfort would help tremendously as well.
I'm here to learn how others cope with their PTSD and to find out if there are any techniques I can try that haven't already been recommended to me, to calm myself when I have trigger events.
For 8 years I didn't admit I needed help, and now I am.
The whole process is frightening, especially because I'm only in my mid twenties. I've always hidden my pain, anger and sadness and although I've seen a therapist a few times throughout the last 8 years, I haven't ever fully explained what happened to me and my child. It didn't take more than the first session with my therapist (I've been going back to her for the last 2 months.) that she diagnosed me with PTSD. I know what it is, and I know how it affects my emotions, my thoughts and my physical body - but I also understand that having to fight through my problems will cause just as much pain and suffering.
Two weeks ago I met with a specialist who performs EMDR treatment. I had read countless booklets about the process and understood what it was about, but I was not prepared for the affects it had on me directly and the affects brought out in the aftermath. The flashbacks are worse, the nightmares are frequent - nightly - and the memories are surfacing greatly, especially with the sexual assaults, which are the biggest part of my trauma that I've hidden away the deepest.
My support system is thinning extremely. I can't talk about these type of things with my family members, except my younger brother. (He is not my biological brother, but more like my best friend with the same last name - hence, we love each other as brother and sister.) Ironically, I feel closest to and most comfortable with my brother, even though the thought of being round men is terrifying to me. Unfortunately, he is currently living in a different state, so texting and phone calls are all we have. The other members of my support system are also out of state and don't know anything of the sexual abuse, they are convinced my trauma was strictly physical violence and nothing more.
The only other person who knows the entire story is my boyfriend who is away studying in a different country. The last 4 weeks he has started ignoring me and has left me feeling abandoned and alone even more than I already feel.
My support system is small, and nothing physical. When I need comfort I have to rely solely on words, which help... but realistically I think having some physical comfort would help tremendously as well.
I'm here to learn how others cope with their PTSD and to find out if there are any techniques I can try that haven't already been recommended to me, to calm myself when I have trigger events.
For 8 years I didn't admit I needed help, and now I am.
