Newlywed Dealing With Ptsd Spouse..

[SJN]

I'm recently married to an incredible Iraq combat veteran since I've known him the only thing we have dealt with ptsd related is his inability to get a honest hood night normal sleep... Until recently it's all falling apart, he's always angry short tempered doesn't remember things and idk what's going on! He wants to have children and thinks things are fine and he's slowly decreasing in happiness and liveliness I feel like he's falling back into major PTSD symptoms how do you deal with your spouse with PTSD??

 

[stella]

Hi, SJN:

This is the first time I've ever been on the forum. I've been sitting here for over 2 hours reading the different comments and crying. I've been married for 12 years. We found out in the fifth year of marriage that my husband has PTSD. He's been in counseling for 7. It seems to help him, but things are still pretty crazy. I am also learning today through all of the posts here that most of the ways I have interacted with him have been really bad for both of us. My suggestion is counseling and definitely reading on this site.

Good luck to you!

 

[MurphyJB]

Hi SJN, welcome.
My fiancé is an OIF/OEF vet.
Is your husband seeking treatment?
Make sure you take care of yourself. Set boundaries and stand your ground.
If you ever want to talk, feel free to send me a message.

MJ

 

[SJN]

Thank you.

 

[Jestadud]

Welcome SJN and thank you for trying to understand us. I don't have any simple answers for you as they don't exist, instead I wish you good luck on your search through this site which has so much information and look forward to getting to know you as time goes by.

 

[Nicolette]

He wants to have children and thinks things are fine and he's slowly decreasing in happiness and liveliness I feel like he's falling back into major PTSD symptoms how do you deal with your spouse with PTSD??

Welcome SJN

While your life choices are yours to make, and while having children is a wonderful experience, I wouldn't recommend that you make such a huge decision while your husband is "decreasing in happiness and liveliness". The reason I say this is while children are a blessing they are an added stress and require a huge commitment. Stress + PTSD don't got well together at the best of times let alone when someone is deteriorating.

My advice would be to ensure your husband's PTSD is more managed before adding children to the mix.

As advice in relation to dealing with your spouse, like any relationship everyone is different, so the only blanket statement I would make is to ensure you have firm healthy boundaries and are not the target for PTSD symptoms otherwise you will get dragged down too. If you get dragged down then you then start fighting a losing battle. The best advice I can give is to look after yourself and encourage your husband to seek help. I would politely, while being direct, point out your concerns to him or even pinpoint situations, and then give him time to digest what you have said.

I would even suggest saying, in a manner which you deem best, that in order to have children, it is important that he is managing his PTSD. Maybe use it is an incentive for him to 'improve' and learn better coping mechanisms???

 

[SJN]

Thank you everyone, others insight is much needed.