Sufferer Noname's introduction. abuse, ptsd, & aspbergers

[NoName]

I'm an extremely exhausted abuse survivor. I'm been fighting subconsciously for as long as the age of school started. I've been a laughingstock, manipulated and judged, experiencing distressful situations where I would feel a never ending pain. I've been trying to love myself and accepting my PTSD that I was diagnosed with a year ago. But Ive been losing people Iv'e built trust with due to being forced to move back to the country where it all happened, and is now living a life with people who think I'm sick for trying to reach support and understandment about my PTSD. Can't even live knowing i have Aspergers without being seen as a weird person.
So I found this site and just thought that. This could be the one place where I can find the belief of not being alone with my traumatic life. As a young individual with triggered flashbacks from any sign of bullying or loud agony screaming. It feels like I'm never gonna find a way out of this dark hole without being called names. Ive been living in a enviorment where Ive faced repeated discomfort and abuse while the responsible culprits have denied their impact. With just how I can't even reason with them without having them trying to make me feel any type guilt. It's very bad for my health and Ive been desperatly trying to find someone to talk to and find comfort, with no luck found. However I needed to find a sign for a different belief and that's how I finally found this site where you probably can be seen as a real individual with a story compared to an over dramatized lunatic.

 

[ladee]

Welcome, glad you found us.... yes you are welcome here and heard... and supported.... A lot of very loving and kind people here. Hope to see you around.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

The reasons that landed us all here surely do suck, but glad you found it and chose to be a part of the community. We're all pretty much sick and tired of being sick and tired. You're in good company while here, at least. May you feel at home.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

This could be the one place where I can find the belief of not being alone with my traumatic life.

Welcome @NoName this is the place where I have continued to find the knowing now that I am not alone with ptsd and with my distorted and fragmented sense of myself. Through these forum threads and members here I am learning vast amounts of important life-giving and life-saving information. Reading about and allowing by interacting with other members here (oh so scary for me to let my guard down and try and risk rejection, cruelty, etc.) to share with me how they live with ptsd and some are thriving not just surviving, I have found day to day hope. I actually got the courage to go through EMDR by being in this forum. And I'm still growing and moving forward through massive amounts of trauma @NoName

I've been a laughingstock, manipulated and judged, experiencing distressful situations where I would feel a never ending pain.

My entire family has attempted to make me the "laughing stock" of our family. And I've been excommunicated and I know why now...and it doesn't have anything to do with me personally as a human being. And it has everything to do with the fact that I am out of denial of how NON-functional (not dys nor mal) my family really is...and they are afraid of me telling family secrets not only that they're afraid of their spouses, boyfriends, etc. learning truth about how f****** up our family of origin truly is!

Again welcome to the forum and if you want to learn how to live and be in recovery (I understand their is no cure for ptsd) then you've come to the right place. I don't want to malinger in this forum, and stay sick as I am, and oh h*** I do know how sick I am...and blaming my abusers won't fix it...I must slowly but steadily learn here and try and grow and not allow perps to be puppeteers and puppet masters of my psyche, physical body, and the rest of my life any further (anymore).

I am so glad you found this site...I am so glad and full of gratitude that I found it too...Welcome Home...(crying)...:hug: (Hugs, if you will accept).

 

[EveHarrington]

I think you'll find lots of support here!

Welcome. :hug:

 

[NoName]

Reading all these warm and kind responses really means a lot and I'm very thankful.

@JadesJewel beautifully written of you and I accept your hugs:hug: