Well, I attempted to cancel, but he didn't answer and I got too nervous to leave a voicemail message. He then did call me and without my saying anything, he said, I'm kind of nervous, as I haven dated for awhile and just wanted to let you know, from my end, there's no pressure, I just want to get to know you as a friend and treat you to dinner because I think you are really nice.
I was confused... so confused...
I told him I don't think I'm ready to date myself and I don't want to hurt you by trying when I don't feel ready to date anyone.
He said, well if you are up for it, maybe let's see this as two friends going dinner at(the place we went to us kind of famous and very pretty) and just going together to enjoy each other's company and the (place we went to).
So... I went. I scrambled at the last minute to find clean and slightly dressy pants and a scarf, and went. I cried on the way there, and I don't know why.
Once we sat down, and talked about the good food on the menu, it was easy... I had a good time. We walked down a pedestrian mall afterwards, watched street performers, talked about basketball, and just spend two hours just hanging out. Nothing felt at all romantic-ish. Which felt safe.
He didn't once try to hold my hand or anything. I was so relived. And he asked if things were ok with me and gave me a lot of room to choose things, and he kept his own hands in own pockets too!
When we parted, at a train station, he said he had a really nice time and asked if he could give a "side hug, like I do with other friends." I said ok, and it felt ok.
I got on the train home, and cried again. I have no idea why.
He texted me and said he had a good time and that he thinks I'm really neat, and he felt comfortable around me and he doesn't usually feel relaxed around women one in one. He wrote that he is ok being friends without any expectations of something more, if I would still be up for that. He said he would like to have more friends like me.
Which oddly made me cry more. I have no idea why.
But we texted back and forth and we are going to go play co-ed drop in basketball next week at a local rec center, and I'm looking forward to it.
It's a little confusing since this started off as a date, but then we both took a step back.
I think I just made a new friend? :)
I'm glad I told him I wasn't ready to date, and I'm glad he was ok with it, very respectful, and glad that I went.
The idea of like really dating as more than friends freaks me out, but maybe this is a way to experience being safe when I'm one on one with a guy... which is kind of a big step for me right now. It didn't used to be, but it is.
Thank you so much everyone for all the encouragement and advice!!! It made a huge difference for me sorting through this. :)
