Nugget Vs. Trains & Buses Part 5 - For Old Times Sake

[nugget]

I hear you Lisa, my psychiatrist once told me that my life was like a derailed train wreck after my accident and we had to put all the wheels back on the track. Slowly as we worked together putting the wheels back on the track my life was to fall back into place. Well not taking anything from anybody else but my train must be one of the longest wreck around. I seem to put two sets of wheels back on and three crash off, but i shall keep putting the buggers back on sooner or later the tide has to change and more stay on than fall off. Some of lives simple tasks seem to end up being a all day event for me and the next two or three days that follow see me having to have a rest because im totally mentally worn out.

 

[batgirl]

Its funny Anthony, as big and ugly as i am

OMG you're not ugly, at least not to me! I've seen your picture Rob and I think you're cute. I can see how other people would be a bit freaked out by you but not me... I tend to like big intimidating men, probably because there's so many of them in my family! ;)

 

[anthony]

Just an Australian thing Evie... the way we speak I guess.

Rob, nothing wrong with being honest mate, that is exactly what you want to be, especially with yourself. Ok, so you likely hit it on the head with the sexual abuse, though don't for a second think you can "get over it", because you will never just get over it, you will come to terms with it, completely different outcome and approaches. One is like beating your head against the wall, the other has a more logical path with an acceptable and realistic outcome.

What you must differentiate now though IMO, is that your surroundings and lifestyle have completely changed since your abuse. Your nothing like the same person, even though you mind sometimes wants you to be, your not. What you fear is your past, not your present. I doubt you fear the kids, but more what the kids stand for. Sure, if the kids pulled a knife or gun out, then you may have something to fear, but I believe the actual fear is off your past trauma... and I believe you know this anyway, as from your statements above.

This is an area I believe you really need to work on Rob... you see, you have to accept that you are the victim, and its perfectly ok to be the victim. Being a victim doesn't make you weak, far far from it, it simply means you where over-powered and forced to do something that no person has the right to engage without permission. Its like a person saying they deserved to be raped, if only they did something differently, if only they weren't drinking, if only their dress wasn't so short, etc etc.... all factors not attributable to blame or guilt, but instead a persons right to drink, wear a short dress or clothing of choice, enjoy themselves though never did they ask to be raped. Nobody asks to be raped.

A person once said to me that they did ask to be raped, being in a sexual situation, though the negation of rape was eliminated the moment they "asked" for sexual contact, as it was consential. What they meant was really they wanted forced, rough sex, not to be raped against their will.

NOBODY ASKS TO BE RAPED, EVER.

 

[nugget]

Thanks Evie.
Thanks Anthony, the more i read my post and your response i became aware i have this built up anger inside from my sexual abuse and my MVA and there this funny twist that sees me being scared in a situation then just totally lossing it and all this built up emotion and anger lashes out. So the one poor bloke that tries something on me will cop the full brunt of my built up time bomb. Im not really sure if thats what im scared of, what will happen to me after i let my bomb off, or will i just go to water when i need to back myself in a time of trouble.

Thanks mate, i still reckon we gotta catch up and sample a few of the finest amber liquids we can find.

 

[jods]

I remember how hard it was for you to tell me as your friend about your past & as your wife I stood beside you on the day of the MVA.
The one thing that has never changed in you is your ability to be a wonderful father to your children & to still be the most gentle, loving soul to those that you love.

 

[becvan]

I know this is rather late but I just wanted to say well done Rob! Your tenacity is always inspiring! Hope to hear more of your travels soon!

Hugs,
bec

 

[nugget]

Hey thanks bec their could be some great tales to tell soon i think im getting my licence back to drive a car again so look out.

 

[becvan]

ooooohh, sounds exciting Rob!

I can't wait to hear all about this! :)

bec

 

[anthony]

Good stuff mate... excellent progress.

 

[nugget]

Well the head f---s off getting my drivers licence back, Christ i think it would of been easier to run for Prime Minister. First of an appointment with my GP to fill out the medical form to say that im fit (as in general health ) to hold a licence. Second form was to be fill out by my diabetes specialist to say that from his point of view my diabetes was under control and i was fit enough to drive a car. The third was from my psychiatrist who had to fill out a form that read like i was giving up the birth right for every child to be born with my name for the next fifty years or so. The first two letter meant jack shit if the shrink didnt fill out the form, all was going well untill we got to the part when he had to fill out about, has the patient ever contemplated or attempted suicide. Has the patient ever been in hospital, does the patient suffer psychiatric illness. Well so far i get about five ticks in the wrong f---ing list. Like why the hell would i be seeing a psychiatrist if i didnt suffer a psych illness. But he keeps filling the form out signs it, hands it over and smiles. Was it a smile, like, **** you are never getting it back, or iv`e done all i can its up to the Medical Board at the Motor Reg Department. So im back off to see my GP again he has to put all the forms together and fax them off to the Motor Reg, then i play the wait and see if i get a letter in the post game. Well by this time ive nearly lost all urges to drive a car again, i haven`t driven for nearly a year and then it was only 300 yards around the corner to the shops. I haven`t given up all hope of getting it back, their are millions of Christians out there waiting for the old fella to come back, so me waiting to here some news ain`t that bad.

 

[becvan]

you would make an awesome Prime Minister!!

Wow, why the hell do they need to know all that information? Sheesh, it's not even that bad here and we have the graduated licensing system!

Congrats, Rob. Those are big scary steps to take. You can do it! (despite all the government crap!)

I'm rooting for ya!

bec

 

[nugget]

Yer its weird Bec its all to do with the class of license i held prior to my accident i had to have a medical each year to hold on to Dangerous Goods / Road Train License. And it wasnt as easy as walking in and getting my car license and not my truck license my truck overode my car, and since i spent time in a Psychiatric Hospital well that just threw more shit on the pile and confused Motor Reg people. Christ theirs people driving around out there that are in a worst state than me but i have to live by the system so i shall.