Ok Got A Question Regarding Anxiety Anger And The Kids.

[Just tryin to heal]

Ok so when my (stress cup) is full to the top and the anxiety is kicked in high speed. my kids(parker 6 and abbie 4) tend to burn my fuse alot quicker till the point i blow up in-turn i feel 500% better that the stress is diminished but then i feel 1000% worse (whole new stress) cause i blow up on the kids (i know this is because of my own exp with severe child abuse). But I hate that I yell at them I never get physically abusive ( my wife has to enforce/reprimand them) being that i can't even smack there fingers do to said child abuse.
I guess my question is does anyone have any experience with this any insight will be greatly appreciated i am going to talk to my T today about this but thought yall might have some positive input as well. Thanks for your time in advance

 

[Just tryin to heal]

I guess the question is how do you deal with it /stop it /live with it >/>/>/?

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Young children can and will push your buttons sometimes, and try to push the boundaries to test you on what they can get away with doing. I only have one child, a daughter, who is grown now. I have babysat kids also, including my siblings, when younger. I remember that sometimes it is best to put her/him/them in a safe playroom for a bit, and separate yourself from them for a few minutes, to calm down. Maybe have something cold to drink, and listen to some calming music.

 

[Friday]

The rules in my house are fairly simple, and they're mostly unilateral : What applies to my kid(s) applies to me as well. Two of those rules apply here:

1) Rule in my house: When is it okay to yell? When there is danger or you're far away.

That's it. Those are the two times it is absolutely, perfectly, 100% okay.

Any other time? Needs permission. So if I want to yell, and there is no danger and people aren't far away? I either ask for permission from those around me if it's to fun purpose, or I take my happy ass outside on timeout until I've calmed down if I want to yell because I'm mad.

2) Timeouts are not punishments. They're a time to let hot emotions fade, and cool reason to return. Timeouts are sacred, if someone is taking one, they need to be allowed to take one (except in emergency) until they're done. If you send yourself on timeout? Come off whenever you are ready. If you are sent on timeout... Thou shalt be able to explain : What happened, Why it happened, At least 2 things to do differently next time, & put it right.

// few other rules which may or may not apply //

- When is it okay to attack someone? When you're defending yourself, defending someone else, or learning how to fight.

- Rudeness is attacking someone, and has the same rules.

- If they have a choice, ask. If they do not have a choice, tell ... No is always an acceptable answer to any question. Everyone has the right to ask. The right to tell is reserved for whomever bears responsibility.

- Whining = You don't get what you want. Throwing a fit = you don't get what you want AND you go on timeout.

- THINK before you speak. (Is it True, Helpful, Inspirational, Neccessary, or Kind?)

- Do not do to others what you do not want done to you, unless asked.

- (adult rule only) Getting emotionally invested in an argument with a child is like getting emotionally invested in an argument with a piece of furniture. We all do it from time to time, but it's not useful & usually regrettable.

- (adult rule only) Don't bluff. What I say will happen? Will happen. Use these godlike powers carefully. ;)