Old Themes Re-Surfacing

[cragger65]

Just trying not to get too down tonight. The same old dual-theme reared its head today in councilling - family and insurance company. Family because of things that were said by them recently (I thought I had dealt with that and moved on, but it came back today) and the insurance company breaking my mind (I don't know how else to say it) a year after breaking my neck in a car accident.

I went for a walk to try to clear my head, and it worked great for the first mile and a half. But on the way back to the car, those sour feelings toward "the insurance people", hideous little creatures that they are, resurfaced powerfully and are with me still. Resentment, loss, the feelings of powerlessness feeding the resentment, the feeling of being "cored out" and hollow inside.

I can feel it moving toward a struggly night for me. Was hoping maybe someone wanted to chat, if you've had a shitty day too, maybe we can hold each other up.

 

[Robyn]

Hi cragger.

I bill and do follow-up on Medical Insurance (specifically Medicare Supplements) for a hospital and have for the last 20 or so years. I have some knowledge of other types of insurance as we have to know what we're talking about on the phones.

I don't claim to be a whiz kid or anything, but if you ever want to vent to me about insurance companies (I do it all the time) or if you think I can be of any help, just let 'er rip!

HUGS
Robyn

 

[Tinyflame]

Hello cragger,

It took years before my (and a relative's) fight with an Emergency-Measures Organization were resolved.
It got to the point I could barely get the mail or answer the phone without a virtual panic attack.
A lot of the fear dissipated after resolution, then time...then more time.

I know it doesn't help, but I listened to 2 of your songs (from a previous thread)- they were very good.

Peace to you.

 

[cragger65]

Thanks Robyn, I might just take you up on that. And thank you Junebug for telling me about your experience. Mine was identical to yours, I was horrified of the mailbox and the phone - both were carriers of more problems and more bad news. It used to take me a week sometimes to build up the internal fortitude to open a letter from the insurance company. I always thought, "this is where I wind up homeless and utterly insane". Well, the insane part I was basically already there. I just settled this March, and it does feel better, but still such a long way to go to feel "good".

I always try to tell myself that "it had to be this way" for some reason of which I am unaware. Maybe to find this board? Who knows.

 

[TLight]

Hi Cragger;
With the Fibro and employer battles in order to keep working, then the tortures of Social Security.....yes, all very disruptive when all you are attempting to do is heal.

I guess we can only put things in the hands of something larger than us, who I hope cares! Although, sometimes I wonder about that.........but know that you will be taken care of and that many of us on here understand the h*ll that these companies can put people through when they are sick. Hard on the entire family.

I know, I've had the same thoughts.....so talented yet I've ended up 'almost' homeless and insane.........but we are not insane and we will not end up homeless. There is too much survival instinct in us.......we can survive anything, that is certain. And you will survive this.

 

[cragger65]

Thanks for the encouragement, T. Here are the things I've tried tonight to cope:

Meditation (twice)
EFT
Energy Field/Reiki work
Elastic around my wrist, snapping
Just sitting with the feelings (when meditation didn't work)
Do NOT Judge Myself
Tell myself it will pass, tomorrow's another day

 

[Canadian Kitty]

I wish I would have been available last night Cragger. So sorry you had such a rough night. There is nothing worse than having one alone! I'm glad this forum is here and that others were around for you.

 

[Irton Pike]

hi cragger,

I read your post and it speaks to me of my feelings about how i have been treated at work over the last few years. Nasty untrustworthy people who tell lies and spread rumours and such like. The only way i can deal with it, and i don't deal with it very well, is going for a walk/run/bike ride and allowinhg myself a good ten minutes of HATE. After that I am usually pretty tired, and try to bring my thoughts round to apportioning blaim, and trying to get rid of the guilt i feel for actions tyhat were not my own and don't belong to me, even though they affected me. The things that were done to me were unreasonable and not to be expected. I know that, because the people who acted againast me tell lies about what they did and are too cowardly to admit to their actions. If they did, then i would have a 100% win tribunal against them. I am still here. I have dignity and I'm OK. And they haven't destroyed me.

I wonder if you could run a similar sort of train of thought when you are out for a bit of exercise~?

I hope that helps cos I could have written your words.

 

[Irton Pike]

And then I like to get home and spoil the kids by making a big sponge pudding or taking them up the park for ice cream and try to remember that i have a life and people love me for who i am.

 

[cragger65]

Thanks C Kitty, I appreciate that. And Irton, I think that's sound advice. I tend to hold my anger and try to reason with it/talk it away. That night I actually got in a boxing match with my loveseat ;P I think it helped. Sorry you've got such crappy co-workers, sounds like you can handle it though.

 

[Cindy]

Sorry I missed your bad night. We've all had them. There is nothing worse than sitting in the living room chair stewing and churning with anger boiling up inside. That's my MO. I find sometimes I do get relief journalling. Trying to express - list the issues from my perspective. Sometimes I can actually catch myself putting myself down or recognizing my faulty thinking. OR WORSE its r e a l ! I also have battled with the insurance company and people in charge of my care (hospitalizations) they are relentless. I have been suicidal in an ER and been "rejected" for admission - ultimately the ER won. We pay all these costs for insurance out of our pay each check then we have to fight to recieve the benefits! They are a business $$$ company why do they even make medicaldecisions?

OK, I'll shut up now. You opened the door. :doh: And I put my foot in my mouth. :doh:

I'm glad you made through that night. I'm sure there are still some left overs or the saga continues SSDD (Same sh** different day).

Another good distractor believe it or not - get yourself a tennis ball or superball and just bounce off the floor for five to ten minutes. Your so focused on the repitition and catching the ball it distracts you from everything else.

Cindy

 

[cragger65]

OK, no more about insurance (well, they should be skinned, tarred and burned at the stake, but that's the last I'll say ;) I might just try the ball - I've got one of those stress balls, but if I'm made it just makes me more aggravated. I think because it lacks contact. A sledge hammer would work nicely for my mood, but I like my living room the way it is... damn! ;p