Once Again

[sonicwhite]

I'm in a lot of state of confusion. Idk if I have PTSD or my nightmares are due to Demonic overlap. I know when I first came here I was at ease. A lot of ppl I could relate to. Now I'm not so sure. My pdoc passing away before he could dx me PTSD. I lost a lot of hope. Some here will say since you are not dx PTSD it could be something else. Which puts me into a lot of confusion. I know it doesn't matter whether I have a dx or not. But the doc will only go to four mg of prazosin. So I can't test the water on whether or not the dreams are due to trauma. I know in my heart that I have been down the shitty road. Kicked when I was down. With no advocate to help me while in jail. It was like living a nightmare over and over again. My dreams are all meshed up pictures of what I went thru. Idk anymore. I feel like I'm stuck under a rock and can't get out. I know I have OCD. I know I have BP I with psychotic features. I know I have GAD and panic disorder but no matter what I try to do I get locked into thinking it's some kinda demonic attack. Oh well.

 

[joeylittle]

I feel like I'm stuck under a rock and can't get out. I know I have OCD. I know I have BP I with psychotic features. I know I have GAD and panic disorder but no matter what I try to do I get locked into thinking it's some kinda demonic attack. Oh well.

Sometimes, if doesn't matter exactly what we call it, when we know what's wrong. So, you're having nightmares and they could be coming from a couple of different places, but you're clearly hurting (and I'm sorry for that, it sounds really hard, what you are dealing with right now). Do you have a therapist you could call on for some help?

 

[sonicwhite]

No and I know I need one. My last therapist retired. So all in all I'm just going at this solo.

 

[seedling]

@sonicwhite, sorry it's so confusing right now. Not easy losing your pdoc that was supporting you either.

but no matter what I try to do I get locked into thinking it's some kinda demonic attack

I don't know if telling yourself the rational diagnosis (whatever it all might be, taken together - you will find out) can change what it feels like to deal with. I can understand that the diagnoses you know you have, as well as the diagnosis you might get (of PTSD), can all certainly feel like a demonic attack. You need to help slay those demons, shift that rock, so you can feel better. Take care, forge ahead the best you can.

 

[shimmerz]

I can relate to the thoughts of demonic attack Sonic. I am so very sorry. It can lead to really out of control thoughts (or it did for me) and helplessness. I need you to know that it stopped for me though. Please try to keep the faith. I kept focusing on a light in my heart and visualized it growing. I am not certain if you can relate to that at all, but it really put the whole feeling to 'bed' when I practiced it. And I practiced it in the moments I felt well. If you can attach to something like that it will help you to focus on positive and allow you more control

Your name says it all @sonicwhite . It is a beautiful and bright name. It doesn't matter if you have a PTSD label or not right now. Look for posts here that you can relate to and see what you can find. Connect with someone who can help keep you grounded (here perhaps). Keep moving. You have been doing such a great job.

 

[sonicwhite]

@shimmerz your the first person to know what my name meant without asking me. I use it on several other forums but I would imagine if crayons company came out with a brilliant white that sonicwhite would win the name. Good job.

 

[shimmerz]

I can hear it in you Sonic. Through all this we sometimes lose a sense of the light in us - I know I do. They are dark hours/days. Keep the faith that the light is still there. Focus on having it grow when you feel better. Find a spot where it emanates from and build it. It will help you in the dark times. Walk safely my friend.