I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember everyday for at least 5 years. My chest hurts daily and it feels like my heart skips beats. It has become a normal for me. Over the past 5 years maybe once a month is would go into a full blown panic attack. For the last year and a half I have full blown panic attacks everyday multiple times a day.
I don't know how to make them stop. My mind is always going. Meds make me feel like I'm not myself. I worry that the med feeling is normal and I have been messed up for so long that normal feels scary to me.
My head hurts everyday all day long. I feel like I'm not breathing deep enough. I feel trapped in a broken body. I feel like this is all I will ever have.
I am mad at God. I think about death. I get even madder at God because I'm not brave enough to do it. How can my creater let me live in torture and not give me enough strength to end it.
People say you are young and things will get better. I am 30 and feel like I am knocking on deaths door. I can't imagine living 5, 10, 20 years like this.
I don't want to let my abusers win. I have the prove them wrong personality. That is what hurts. I am letting myself down. I am questioning my whole life.
I am grieving for who I am, what I want to be and what I should have been.
I don't know how to make them stop. My mind is always going. Meds make me feel like I'm not myself. I worry that the med feeling is normal and I have been messed up for so long that normal feels scary to me.
My head hurts everyday all day long. I feel like I'm not breathing deep enough. I feel trapped in a broken body. I feel like this is all I will ever have.
I am mad at God. I think about death. I get even madder at God because I'm not brave enough to do it. How can my creater let me live in torture and not give me enough strength to end it.
People say you are young and things will get better. I am 30 and feel like I am knocking on deaths door. I can't imagine living 5, 10, 20 years like this.
I don't want to let my abusers win. I have the prove them wrong personality. That is what hurts. I am letting myself down. I am questioning my whole life.
I am grieving for who I am, what I want to be and what I should have been.
