My partner of 5.5 years is in an isolation period. A few times a year, these periods of withdrawal and unresponsiveness go on quite long. So far it has been 3 weeks, but we haven't seen each other in person in about 2.5-3 months. I'm trying to figure out what to do when he starts being responsive again. He sees an individual therapist, and I have been going to CoDA meetings in now, which are helpful, but I forgot (until I found this website) that isolation is a cPTSD symptom. (I probably need to find my own therapist soon - my last one was a poor fit for me).
Anyway, I don't need "constant" contact or reassurance, but it is a lot easier for me to stay regulated when we can talk every 2-3 days. And, despite the cPTSD, I *do* need to know that he is willing to make some sort of a commitment to working together in this relationship. I've been dealing with 5.5 years of his fear of commitment (he used to show physical and verbal affection, but I think that spooked his avoidant attachment and he has retreated to a "safer" arm's length distance in the relationship since then, which keeps the relationship on a pretty shallow level) and I need him to have just a *little* more of a stake in this. A relationship without expressions of affection, without making a commitment after several years a together, and without communication just isn't much to hold on to. I've been really willing to work with him. I think he's just dealing with a lot of fear and overwhelm and past hurts & trauma.
I'm wondering if finding a couples therapist with a trauma focus could help us to develop some skills together to help make these longer periods of isolation (1) less frequent and (2) more tolerable for both of us.
Anyway, I don't need "constant" contact or reassurance, but it is a lot easier for me to stay regulated when we can talk every 2-3 days. And, despite the cPTSD, I *do* need to know that he is willing to make some sort of a commitment to working together in this relationship. I've been dealing with 5.5 years of his fear of commitment (he used to show physical and verbal affection, but I think that spooked his avoidant attachment and he has retreated to a "safer" arm's length distance in the relationship since then, which keeps the relationship on a pretty shallow level) and I need him to have just a *little* more of a stake in this. A relationship without expressions of affection, without making a commitment after several years a together, and without communication just isn't much to hold on to. I've been really willing to work with him. I think he's just dealing with a lot of fear and overwhelm and past hurts & trauma.
I'm wondering if finding a couples therapist with a trauma focus could help us to develop some skills together to help make these longer periods of isolation (1) less frequent and (2) more tolerable for both of us.
