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Relationship Setting Kind Boundaries Now

i shared my childhood trauma with 10 siblings, 4 elder and 6 younger. i started my ptsd therapy in the u.s. army under the moniker of "civilian shell shock" in a therapy group of combat shell shock victims. while many symptoms overlap, i am utterly convinced that personality types are a HUGE factor. some of us come out afraid to try anything new. others (me) come out afraid to trust cultural norms and/or resembling authority. here in the early 21st century, romantics are conformists. if i've never seen ^it^ on a chick flick, ^it^ can't be real. welcome to the divorce fast track. i often wonder how many chick flick relationships could endure in real life. divorce seems to have morphed into a standard romance phase.

however many symptoms or traits we share in common, no two humans are identical. the diffs become critical when mental illness enters the equation. i shoot for the balance between learning from fellow humans while staying true to what is inside of me. as one of my favorite sisters likes to put it:

love all. trust few
always paddle your own canoe.

I love that quote at the end - and thanks for sharing an insight into what things are like for you.
I feel like I'm learning all the time on this forum!

Well, if nothing else, it sounds like you guys have developed something of a life together over a long period of time.

I suppose you can't plan these things in advance sometimes, you just have to try to be true to yourself and figure things out as you go.

With that in mind, I won't write the relationship off entirely, necessarily; but... I also don't think I can re-engage with it just now.
I had the feeling that I was going a bit crazy, before - and it was very unpleasant.

I have a lot of love for them though - and by sharing my own experience, I don't mean to denigrate them in any way.
They're actually very inspiring, and very steady considering the challenges they've had to face.
One day if things feel more settled and I'm in a steadier place... who knows?

For now, I guess it's all about looking to move forward :)
 
I suppose you can't plan these things in advance sometimes,
sometimes? planning is one of the OCD symptoms of my control freakitis. with a salute to all the therapy work that helped me break that stranglehold, let me insert another quote from someone a bit more renowned.

"life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." ~john lenon (beautiful boy)

stay honest and true to you. allow your friend equal dignity.
 
however many symptoms or traits we share in common, no two humans are identical. the diffs become critical when mental illness enters the equation. i shoot for the balance between learning from fellow humans while staying true to what is inside of me. as one of my favorite sisters likes to put it:

love all. trust few
always paddle your own canoe.
100%
 
JMHO but I think we have to be responsible for our own feelings, including anxiety; our reaction to other's actions are still our reactions, and teach us about ourselves. Boundaries are your limits, communicated, not punitive consequences. It is being kind to yourself to have them and kind to others to let them choose their's and their choices. Otherwise we are trying to make someone in to what we want them to be like, which is a reflection of ourselves and not loving them for who they are. Hopefully it's mutual, but you can only be true to yourself and you are unique. Not easy to navigate with ptsd on top of it.

Best wishes to you.
 
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