People Seem To Take My Behaviour Too Personally When There's A Reason I Do It

[Cat Herder]

Some people take stuff way too personally, especially when they are the reason I did what I did. People from my real hometown living here got mad when they found out I don't tell people where I am really from. I tell people I'm from Halifax, but I grew up in a small town a few hours from there. Why don't I say where I am from where I am from? Because I was bullied mercilessly and excluded. It's perfectly understandable behaviour IMO. Nobody wants to identify with something that was the source of abuse. It's why a person will take the surname of their mother if they were abused by their father.

Has anyone had similar experiences? Has behaviour you do to make yourself more comfortable insulted others?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Why do you care what these people think? It's none of their business. If they have time to get pissy over something so stupid, let them. It's your life and you owe nobody an explanation.

 

[Lucycat]

I must admit I too have an extreme dislike of telling people where I am from. I am in Scotland with an English accent so I am frequently asked. It really depends who I am speaking with as to what I answer. I don't pretend not to be English, but I am reticent about what County in England I was brought up in.

It has taken a lot to get Rory to understand this, and he would answer for me, or tell them when I have specifically said not to. We had a big discussion about why this matters so much to me, and he has got better.

It is entirely your choice how much you choose to share with others. Your hometown friends should respect that choice - and you don't have to explain to them why. I think for me it is all about being in control of me and my past. The reason you choose not to share information is yours alone. Personally I would not debate or discuss it with them. Just state that that is the way it is and the way you want it to stay.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Oh yeah. Big time...I have no problem with telling people where I'm from: but that's because my problems weren't related to that place. I agree with scaredoflonely. You have your reasons, and people don't get that because they have no clue what it is like to have experienced a traumatic experience.

But people feel personally attacked by what I do all the time. I get pretty tired of them, geez... haven't they learned not to take me seriously by now? ;) I had a fight with my uncle the other day, I've known him since I was born. We've never had any trouble until I had to sit close to him in a car the other day, I was tense and apparently it showed, I got all hissy (anxious) and he got angry.

The thing here is he'd done me a couple of favors, so he expected me to be nice. Except PTSD doesn't understand reciprocity. It's not "if you are nice to me then I am nice to you..." it's more like "you are nice and I see that, but I can't be nice right now...". Which is impossible for them to understand...

 

[Philippa]

I've noticed that people are overly sensitive these days, ptsd or not. Especially online I've found myself being accused of attacking people when I was only communicating in a blunt manner. It seems like it doesn't take much these days to offend someone, so there isn't much you can do about it...but it is annoying, I agree.

I also agree with scaredoflonely in that it's none of their business what your reasons are for not mentioning where you come from exactly. If they are going to get huffy about it, or think you are dodgy for not telling them, then there's not much you can do about it once they've decided to conclude something.

I changed my name to help me distance myself from family members, when I cut them off last year. It has created a lot of confusion amongst my friends, who knew me as Philippa, and I can understand that, but I do feel a bit disrespected by their insistence to continue calling me by my given name, and then telling me that my new name doesn't suit me, or that it's "dodgy" to have two names.

I cannot control someone elses suspiciousness, or their inability to adapt, and it isn't my problem if they cannot deal with my right to tell them what I choose to...for my own reasons.

Basically, if they are taking it too personally, it is completely their own issue and has nothing to do with you...at all.