Photos And Triggers

[GWhizz]

My therapist has suggested I bring some pictures of myself as a child to therapy and begin a photo album with these to refer to when feeling down. I'm not exactly too sure what she is aiming at here. Has anyone any similar experience? The problem I have with this is that I get very triggered looking at my young self. It brings up all sorts of emotions and memories. Is this a good or bad exercise? I do not want to feel worse from this if you get me

 

[Springer80]

I think she should explain exactly what the purpose of it is. Just because she is your therapist doesn't mean it's an authoritative dynamic.

For me my mothers home, which I very rarely visit, is full of photo's of me as a kid. I have told her I don't like them. When I see them they fall into categories defined by abuse. Me before I was abused. Me whilst being abused, ones actually taken by my father whilst he was abusing me, me after the abuse (i.e. with ptsd) and me in the middle of a massive physiological breakdown.

None of them are happy. Well, there are maybe a handful from some holidays when I was around 8 to 10 but they are so few and they are because I was on holiday and away from home. These are the pitiful bittersweet category, a tiny minority.

Is she after some kind of exposure therapy method? (Good pun there! Exposure therapy by photographs :photogenic::photogenic:, she's funny maybe? :hilarious::hilarious::hilarious:)
I'd insist on discussing it. Tread carefully.

 

[Justmehere]

My therapist actually told me NOT to look at family/childhood photos when already vulnerable and down. She fully believes every survivor had some part of their childhood that was good, "or else you would not have survived" and she thinks that very selective choosing to remember those memories, even if it was only one thing, one moment, can be resourcing and helpful... But she very much tells me to not go "diving through photo albums" because it can stir so much up.

Maybe your therapist thought it would be soothing or maybe they thought it would help you access buried emotions... It would be good to talk to her about why she suggested it.

With every therapist suggestion, we all get to figure out what helps, what doesn't, and it's pretty common for some things that therapists suggest to just plain not work or fit for where we are at.

Being triggered by childhood photos sounds really normal for someone who went through childhood abuse. It might be a good launching board to process things with her more.

 

[Mystery]

I absolutely agree with Justmehere, I would find photos triggering, even the happy ones. They just stand in the shadow of the vault of unhappy memories. The little smile I see, represents the brave face I put on to the world.

I also agree with Springer80 that just because your T suggests something doesn't mean you have to do it. We are co-facilitators of our own therapy, it's difficult to remember that sometimes for childhood survivors. Just because something is uncomfortable doesn't mean that's a good idea not to do it, imho. I guess only you can know how well your coping mechanisms are and whether your life will allow you the time to process those kind of intense emotions. Best wishes.:)

 

[Springer80]

The little smile I see, represents the brave face I put on to the world.

Yes. But when I look at mine, that little smile was a forced brave face and it reminds me of how I was abandoned in that world. It's just tragic. Everyone I look at reminds be of the terror of disappearing in plain sight.

Years later when I was engaged, my fiance said to me. You look the same in every photograph. He was right. It's like the Mona Lisa but under mug shot conditions. I still don't like my photograph to be taken.

 

[fly away home]

I'm with you. Looking at photos is a massively challenging peek into my past and something I'm certainly not ready for even after a year of therapy.

I've just moved house and my therapist suggested I don't unpack the photos or any other boxes which may hold memories from my past until I am completely settled and ready. She said it may be a few years before it's safe to do that.

Like @Springer80 suggested., ask why and what this will achieve for you and what if the photos are painful to look at?

 

[Mystery]

Yes. But when I look at mine, that little smile was a forced brave face and it reminds me of how I was abandoned in that world. It's just tragic. Everyone I look at reminds be of the terror of disappearing in plain sight.

I really feel your pain Springer80, it's amazing what human beings are capable of surviving:hug:, isn't it?

 

[Springer80]

I think now I'm at a place where I could look at them but I don't choose too. They don't hold anything I don't already know. There is nothing good there to salvage or discuss anymore.

 

[LittleRed]

Photos of myself don't usually bother me, but photos of my mother or photos of me in family situations usually give me anxiety. My therapist hasn't suggested that I look at old photos, but she does suggest that I avoid things that I know will trigger me.

 

[d-art13]

There is probably a really good reason that therapists do this but it didn't do anything for me. It just made more more angry and anxious. I couldn't look at them. Best of luck to you all if you are able to do this. Its really tough!

 

[BloomInWinter]

Photos of me are triggering, and I avoided them. But avoiding them didn't help me grieve for the child me who went through those things. By looking at them, I can cry or swear or yell or do whatever safe response I need to do that helps me finally allow my child self the safe space to express what was not safe to express back then. Only now, that child has a safe adult, me, to help her know that she is not to blame and will never, ever go through that again.

Instead of hating my pictures like I used to, now I can see my child self with compassion and adult awareness of what truly was horrific yet overcome.

You decide for yourself what photos, if any, you wish to try working on. You know your tolerance level.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Follow your heart with this and trust your gut instincts. I look at old photos of me rarely and I do not recognize myself smiling. To this day I do not like to have my picture taken.