Possibly unanswerable, trying anyway. looking for tips. how to not cry when sad?

[littleoc]

Sorry for odd grammar in the title, was trying to fit all the necessary info in there.

I have been a bit depressed this week and been fighting the urge to cry.

I’m fighting crying because it causes me extreme pain and can ruin my day. Once or twice got me into a hospital. Sometimes my brain just won’t function through it and my only choice is to be forced to rest.

I have a lot of tricks for avoiding crying. They look a lot like coping skills. But after being on this site a while, I’m starting to think that maybe I need to be able to sit with sadness somehow, without crying.

I’m guessing that also because I’ve been really, really fighting crying this week. I’ve been getting up and walking around to distract myself to prevent it.

Does anyone have advice on sitting with sadness without crying? How to avoid crying while being sad, but not leaving the thing that’s making you sad, so you can get through it properly?

Thank you :)

 

[Joan]

No real answer...just wanted to say I am sorry you are feeling so sad. For me personally the more I fight something the worse it is. For me better to let tears out...write or create art around what tears are for, but that is just me. Hope you are feeling better soon.

 

[littleoc]

No real answer...just wanted to say I am sorry you are feeling so sad. For me personally the more I fight...

Thank you :)

 

[Vee]

I'm sorry you're feeling sad :( I'm feeling sad, too.

To avoid crying, I have switch my brain's channel. Do something that absorbs my attention to distract me.

A warning though...I think many time when I avoid feeling sad, it comes out in anxiety. It's like I get anxious trying to suppress the sad thoughts. Sometimes I almost thing it's better to embrace the sadness.

 

[Suzetig]

When you say crying causes you pain, what do you mean? Is it that the act of crying causes you physical pain or that crying makes your feelings more real or something else entirely?

I ask because crying when you’re sad is a very normal reaction, it’s the way our bodies are built and there’s some evidence that the tears make up changes depending on why we’re crying and so is physically healing.

Not crying at all is expecting your body not to react the way it was intended to, and that way demons lie. I wonder if your distress levels reach such a height that you feel overwhelmed when you’re crying - which is a different thing. DBT skills can really help with distress tolerance so that you can still feel sadness without your coping mechanisms being overwhelmed- but you still might cry, because tears are part of it.

 

[mumstheword]

Hugs @littleoc :hug: .
Snuggles with a furry friend. Hot cuppas, having a lie down, exercise, hugging yourself, stroking yourself (I do this a lot when I'm upset, it's grounding and comforting) breathing exercises. Writing poetry. Stuff like that. But the reason I didn't reply before, is because I still cry a lot. I'm a big sooky crier, like, most days, but it doesn't give me a migraine like it does you, so it's not so scary. It actually relieves my stress, unless I cry too much and then I can feel pretty terrible.

 

[blackemerald1]

I'm sorry you are sad atm @littleoc. :hug:
I can get a full blown migraine or even just a bad headache if I cry and don't stop it. (Is this what you mean)
So for better or worse I try not to cry.
Writing the reasons I am sad or pushing myself to do a job around the house or helping someone seem to be good alternatives. But sometimes nothing will shift it and I just have to live through it on my own.
I know that's not much help but I hope you feel better soon.

 

[ILoveLife]

:hug: @littleoc

I teach you how not to cry, while you teach me how to cry? Ok.

Just stuff it all up and distract distract distract. Lots of "I'm not going to cry" sentences out loud.
But... It's actually pretty healthy to cry.
Releases emotions bottled up for ages.
So, I think its good to cry. I miss a good sob.
This strong all the time mask gets emotions out in other ways, not very desirable ways. Crying is better.

:hug:

 

[MyWillow]

Crying hurts and ruins me from top to toe. It rips me apart. I’m trying to allow myself to cry for a short period rather than stopping myself altogether or crying until I can’t function the next day.

Sorry you’re all hurting too xxx

 

[New]

Great Question!

Sometimes I can avoid and turn off emotions with distractions like reading, working out, staring at the wall. Ha! (But usually I don’t even realize I’m avoiding)

I seem to cry at the most embarrassing moments and when it starts I can’t stop. For example... someone can just say something kind and I will start crying and feel so silly and embarrassed and it will drain me.

Sorry that I’m not really offering advice.

 

[littleoc]

So, quick clarification: I think it’s healthy to cry if it won’t hurt physically. I think you need to cry to heal properly. I don’t think it should just be avoided. Everyone who can, please cry! Don’t use this thread to avoid crying if there’s no harm in it!

Reason:

When you say crying causes you pain, what do you mean?

I mean that it’s causing me something like a horrible migraine. It makes things much worse, especially if I’ve also had a flashback or have dissociated. I’m not really sure what’s causing it but they’re worse than other headaches or migraines. They make it hard to move, and hard to eat or breathe. Feels like pressure almost.

I’m not really sure how to prevent that besides just not crying, which works. If I cry, it’s back within minutes, and my entire day gets put on hold. I like to stay pretty busy, so that alone is pretty distressing

If I didn’t have that problem, I would be more careful to let myself cry. But so far, even a second of wet eyes is enough to trigger a headache. Ibuprofen helps a bit, especially if I mix it with acetaminophen, but I don’t want tohave to do that regularly.

I'm sorry you're feeling sad :( I'm feeling sad, too.

I’m sorry you’re sad :hug:

I think many time when I avoid feeling sad, it comes out in anxiety.

I think I feel similarly, now that you mention it. Like an overflowing Tupperware

crying when you’re sad is a very normal reaction, it’s the way our bodies are built and there’s some evidence that the tears make up changes depending on why we’re crying and so is physically healing.

I’ve heard that tears also contain hormones in them like cortisol, so crying sort of “detoxes” you of some stress hormones and allows you to relax better!

It actually relieves my stress, unless I cry too much and then I can feel pretty terrible.

Crying too much hurts? Do you do anything for it?

I'm sorry you are sad atm @littleoc. :hug:

Thank you :hug:

I can get a full blown migraine or even just a bad headache if I cry and don't stop it. (Is this what you mean)

I think that’s what I mean. I haven’t been evaluated much beyond being told I have something seizure-y going on. My dissociative brain looks similar to an epileptic brain, apparently? I’ve been told this is normal but I’m sure it’s making things worse when I try to cry.

But anyway, what do you do for it? And how did you get evaluated, if you did?

I teach you how not to cry, while you teach me how to cry? Ok.

You should do all the crying! It’s great!!

It's actually pretty healthy to cry.
Releases emotions bottled up for ages.

I fully agree!

for a short period rather than stopping myself altogether or crying until I can’t function the next day.

At what point does crying too much prevent you from functioning, if you don’t mind me asking? Do you do anything for it?

Sorry that I’m not really offering advice.

It’s okay :) It’s nice to be validated too. I’ve done that around this site at times.

I wrote another post ages ago (in Internet time) that was about advice because I was afraid of crying. Got some nice advice, but what I thought would work l, hasn’t just yet. Such as being sure to stay very hydrated.

I do try writing out what’s bothering me, because I’m prone to fear tears and also sad tears. I’ve been using my trauma diary for that. I want to work through these, but I also don’t want to cry, because it hurts. I can’t seem to get my doctor to help me with it — probably because I’d need tests I can’t afford, and a lot of tests she’s afraid to have me do because they’re traumatizing for now. So I’d like to get to a point where they aren’t :)

 

[MrMoonlight]

I’m not really sure what’s causing it but they’re worse than other headaches or migraines.

Sorry littleoc you suffer from this. I know migraines well and have suffered with them since I was fifteen. Just recently I started to consider the possibility that they are caused somatically. Like my migraines are an expression of repressed, unprocessed, stuffed away trauma/emotion..etc. Just wondering if this could be a possibility.

I'd only consider it though if everything else was medically ruled out you know.

Does anyone have advice on sitting with sadness without crying?

I don't know man, the only place I come close to crying is in my therapist's office. During the week I do think about my traumas at home. Sometime a tear will roll down my face but no more than that. I think I come close in my therapist's office because I trust her. Maybe feeling safe for us is prerequisite to processing and expressing emotion.?