Previous Trauma Has Left Me Vulnerable To Further Abuse

[Lilla]

My history of childhood trauma has left me with PTSD and a dissociative disorder.
It also has left me very vulnerable to further episodes of trauma.

I returned to my home area at the weekend and someone from my past deliberately triggered dissociation, so they could abuse me.

I've now returned to a safe place but I'm a mess. Mentally, emotionally and physically. I briefly spoke to my therapist today about it and she wants me to get medical help, but I can't. I'm also too ashamed to talk any more about it with her.

I'm also worried she'll take things out of my hands and report it.

I know that the dissociation means I had no control or chance of stopping it, but why do I feel so ashamed and guilty?

 

[Vupep]

I don't think she is legally allowed to report it if you are over the age of eighteen and have not given her permission to do so. Regardless, if you do return for whatever reason, I would advise recording the abuse and getting a restraining order. In my state, it only takes two incidents of harassment to get one. :hug:

Guilt and shame is a normal part of dealing with PTSD. You are a good person and do not deserve to put up with any of that stuff. I think a lot of people who have been through abuse and dissociation try to blame themselves for it, so that it could SEEM like they could've prevented it, but in reality it was out of their control and they didn't deserve a second of it. Does that make any sense?

 

[Lilla]

It does make sense. And whilst I KNOW there was nothing I could've done at the time, I shouldn't have gone back. I knew the risks and still decided to go, so kind of only got myself to blame for things happening.

I don't think she'll report it to the police, but she will pass it on to the psychiatrist and possibly my named nurse etc. I just don't want the whole staff team knowing. I'm too ashamed for that.

 

[Igeco]

It does make sense. And whilst I KNOW there was nothing I could've done at the time, I shouldn't have gone back. I knew...

Do you have any other people to reach out to, aside from your therapist? A support group (even a non-trauma related one like a book club) and/or religious institution might be able to help.

She can't pass it on to anyone else under HIPAA without your permission. Especially not the nurses. If she did, that's a violation of your privacy and she could be sued (on top of losing her license).

 

[Lilla]

I'm in an inpatient therapy unit, so they do share relevant information.

There's nurses and support workers, therapist and psychiatrist. They're all part of the MDT taking care of me, so that's why I worry about things being shared.

Last time there was an incident, the whole staff team knew about it. They discussed it whilst apparently trying to work out how to support me. (They didn't offer much support really)

 

[Gowoj]

I'm in an inpatient therapy unit, so they do share relevant information.

There's nurses and support workers, therapis...

Ah ok. If they do sharing that information, I believe it'll help them understand you a little more. :hug: If they end up using it against you (unlikely), you can always report them. It is still illegal for them to report that stuff to the cops if you are over 18.

 

[Lilla]

I understand the benefit of sharing some information, but I don't want them to know this. I was told that the therapy was confidential when I started it, but then they have shared information that I'd rather they didn't all know.

I just feel so ashamed and I don't want them pressuring me about seeking medical attention.

 

[Fuberu]

I was told that the therapy was confidential when I started it, but then they have shared information that I'd rather they didn't all know.

You should talk with your therapist about re-doing your release forms. At some point (if you are in the US) you would have signed a document that allows for what they call 'co-ordination of care'. Every different doctor you interact with should have a separate release form. You have the right to alter these at any time.

Even if it's a unit operating together, there should be a degree of separation that you can control. It's possible that the unit requires a release across all clinicians in order to accept you as a client - but you should ask about it, because that may not be the case.

Try and remember, though - they do this so they can help, not so they can gossip. I'm sorry for what happened to you, and try and work through the shame - you've got nothing to be ashamed about, and no reason to blame yourself. You aren't the person who took advantage of you, the person who abused you is.

 

[Lilla]

Thanks for the reply. I'm in the UK, I signed a consent form, but that was it. I have also changed therapists since signing the form. I did discuss with her that I was worried about all of the staff knowing, and explained why, however she said they needed to try and support me.

I didn't make an agreement with her as I was too upset by the end of the session. I've spoken to the nurse on the night shift (so after handover) and she is aware, which means that things were passed on. I'm not yet sure how much.

 

[Heruci]

I don't think you can control info while inpatient. You're being taken care of by a team and the team has access to your charts.