Probably Just Avoidance

[Bristol]

i have a strong feeling that this is just a way for me to avoid therapy (so call me up on it if i am) but i am struggling to see the "point" in it as such. We are getting to the hard stuff, on to talking about particular memories and i am running out of ways to avoid it. I know i need to do it and i want to finally start to move on from it all. i think what i want to know is how i know when i am making progress? How many times will i have to go over these memories until they are "processed"? I appreciate that i am right at the beginning, i have only been in therapy for about 6 months but i am doing my best not to give it up because is too hard and my session tonight and thursday are hanging over me like a black cloud and my usual instinct is to run and run as far as possible.

 

[Deadman]

Its avoidance. Therapy is hard and uncomfortable. But eventually, if all goes well, you can expect to have some sudden insights that help you move on. Those realizations will probably be things that you wouldn't accept if someone just told them to you.

I was the last person to want to go to therapy. I thought as you are now. Now I'm glad I made that step. And I'm still going.

 

[ChandraD]

Find ways to comfort yourself before and after. Pretend you are a child. What would have brought you comfort? Do those things. Also know that the anxiety leading up to something is often bigger than the actual event itself. Go to therapy as a gift to your future self.

 

[Bristol]

Thank you both for replying, i hope your right in eventually it will be worth it :) i will try your suggestion @ChandraD thank you

 

[Freedomfighter]

i have a strong feeling that this is just a way for me to avoid therapy (so call me up on it if i am) b...

Yeah, those first years are the toughest. So much to work on in the first years. You can rest assured that as you go on you will be able to think more and more clearly.

I have learned so much in the past years. I can spot abuse with the first letter in a sentence, I can spot a lie with the first breath of a predator.

My brain is much more clear now and no dangerous pedophile will be able to inject their lying sentences or thoughts into my healthy brain.

You will get better and better and better. Hold on to that thought, no matter how impossible that may seem at times.

 

[Bristol]

Thank you @Freedomfighter it feels like a mountain to climb but T keeps telling me to focus on each session rather than the end which is a hard change of focus

 

[Suzetig]

Your therapist is right, take it as it comes and try not to anticipate how hard it's going to be. Each time you do a bit of work you process something, but it's baby steps - sometimes you won't see change until you look back over a period of months.

You may not be in therapy for years either. Not everyone does process everything to the end degree. Most people do enough to keep themselves functioning and don't want to delve deeply into their experiences and memories - and they do ok in terms of their mental health. Some people do bits at a time with a break in between and some purely use therapy to manage their symptoms. Simply put if you're doing ok in daily life, without significant distress and symptoms are manageable you may have processed your trauma to a good enough extent.

It may be worth thinking about how you think you'll know you've done enough because that will be different for each individual.

 

[Bristol]

Thanks @Suzetig that makes sense, i havent really thought about what my end game is, how i expect to feel or anything maybe thats something i think to think about next