Undiagnosed Psychiatrist Told Me I That I Am Fine.

[Liana]

Hi, I'm new to this. I'll give a little background information first, I guess.

I grew up without my father. He and my mother divorced before I was born, and so I didn't know who my dad was. When I was about 3 years old, my brother's dad (who I thought was my own) told me he was never going to see me again and that was the last anyone saw of him. My mother then had a multitude of relationships, 80% of them being abusive, physically and emotionally. I witnessed them beat up my mother, and a couple turned on my older brother too.

When I was 12 I got in touch with my father, I found out who he was. When I was 13, I move countries (14 hours away by plane) to be with him. I planned on staying there for 2 years. However, after a week, I found out he was a violent alcoholic who beat up anyone he could get his hands on. I was hit, as was my 3 younger sisters and my step-mum. He was a horrible man, and to this day I hate him. Whilst I was with my father, I met a guy and had a relationship with him. The relationship was forced by my father as the guy's father was a family friend. So I was trapped, with my father and with an unwanted relationship. The guy wasn't nice, he forced me to do a lot and was 2 years older than me so out of intimidation and fear, I did them. I was terrified - he didn't let me see my friends, I couldn't dress how I wanted, he'd hit me and force me to do a lot of sexual things I wasn't ready for. I will specify that he did not rape me and we never had sex.

My mother found out some of the things that happened and got me on the first flight back after 2 months. Since then, for the last 3 years, I have had terrible nightmares, I am extremely afraid of men. Especially older men, I am getting better with younger men as I met my boyfriend and he is helping me be more comfortable and less frightened. But the older men thing, will not go away. I panic, sweat and my heart races and I feel like I can't breath. I don't sleep well, waking up constantly through the night, and my nightmares are getting worse. Constantly through out the day, I am reminded of what happened with my father and it's like my mind is transported back there.. I'm not quite sure how to describe it, but it's like I'm there again and it scares me so much. It's the same when I am going to sleep, I lay down and as soon as I shut my eyes, I can't open them for fear of being back in my room (at my fathers house).

It's interfering with my life, I was kicked out of college due to low attendance, because my father went to the same college I was going to and I couldn't go in.. I panicked every time I got to the bus stop and ran home crying. I'd then lay in bed all day and finally college sent me a letter saying I was out. I am going back this year, which is why I want to get help with this before September. I want to get the ball rolling so to speak.

For the last 3 years, I have been seeing various therapists - I am currently seeing a clinical nurse who refereed me to a psychiatrist for an assessment for depression. She turned around, and after barely hearing me out, said I was fine and just a teenager with a bad history of trauma. I think differently and I would like an assessment for PTSD instead of depression. But I'm not sure what to do.. I could talk to my therapist next Wednesday though I highly doubt she will do anything since all she usually asks me about is the weather.. I could make an appointment at my doctors and talk to them, and possibly get a referral or they could write a letter to my therapist explaining my worries which might help..

What should I do? Does this even sound like PTSD?
Sorry if it is long, and sorry if it is in a great amount of detail. I was thinking I could print this off and show it to my therapist or doctor, which is why it's in such detail. Sorry!

 

[Echo]

"just a teenager with a bad history of trauma" - I just can't get past how stupid a comment that is. I'm so sorry you are finding such unhelpful, unprofessional people around you.

What you have experienced is repeated sexual assault, from what you describe, coercion and domestic violence. These are all things that might well cause you to have PTSD. We are not able to diagnose here - we are just sufferers and supporters. I would, however, suggest you ask to be referred to a trauma specialist, or consult one privately yourself. I did the latter and eventually the NHS caught up and agreed with the diagnosis. I now see this trauma specialist privately, since the NHS could offer me nothing. Though it is a massive struggle to afford to do so, I feel as if it is a way of taking back control of my life. Perhaps you could at least ring such a specialist and ask if they would see you for a few sessions to talk things through.

I wish you well. You've got a lot on your plate and you've nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[Liana]

Thank you Echo. I was distraught when she said I was just being a teenager. Yes, I have hormones buzzing around like there's no tomorrow, but I know that what I am going through isn't me just being a teenager. What makes it worse, is my mum seems to have the mindset of 'well, if the doctor said so'. As does my boyfriend, though he is more understanding now and is accepting that maybe it's something else.

I would consult a private trauma specialist or whatever, but my mum is struggling with money as it is and so that it probably out of the question. I might still contact one though, find out more and such.

Again, thank you for your reply.

 

[WillyKat]

Unfortunately, there are professional idiots in all parts of life, including the medical and mental health professions. Seems like you've found a few.

I'm not qualified to diagnose you and you shouldn't accept any diagnosis over the web either. That said, your history certainly suggests the possibility of PTSD. I agree that you need an assessment from someone with a functional brain stem and I understand that money and your health care system (I'm in the US and so am ignorant of how yours works) are lacking. If you're seeing a therapist soon, then you need to impress upon them that it needs to be taken seriously.

 

[Liana]

I do need to talk to my therapist about this, though I will admit, I lack the backbone to stand up to her. I don't feel comfortable with her, and last time I asked to change (my mother rang up for me) the therapist arranged for me to be assessed for depression, where I got laughed at pretty much.. So I'm not in the best frame of mind in regards to confidence.

 

[Echo]

@Liana - I only needed to see my trauma therapist once, after sending her an e-mail detailing what had happened to me, for her to tell me that I have CPTSD - complex post-traumatic disorder. The session cost me £45. The key thing is to find someone good, i.e. either get a recommendation, if you know someone local who might know, or by checking a few websites of suitably qualified people and seeing who appeals to you. At least you could then get him/her to write you a report with your diagnosis.

Another way to deal with this outside of the NHS, if you are finding them difficult, is to go to one of the women's services. I know you say you weren't raped, but I am sure your local Rape Crisis would help you and direct you to suitable help. They may have counsellors who can take you on (usually they ask only for a donation and you need not pay if you can't). They do deal with people who have been subject to sexual assault, too. You can consult them in confidence and they will believe you without question. They also may offer support groups in your area. They certainly offer a phone service and you can ring any time they are open.

 

[WillyKat]

I don't want to hijack the thread, but it amazes me, as a US citizen, to hear stuff like this. On this side of the pond, we've become accustomed to the idea that health care in Europe is universal and reasonably good. But I keep hearing awful things about NHS, which I assume means National Health Service or some such. Frightening.

 

[Echo]

@WillyKat - the NHS has very little provision for adults with PTSD or CPTSD. Their mental health services don't really cater for this. There are also a lot of cut-backs at the moment, especially in women's services, but it depends which county you are in as to what is available to you. No problem if you've got heart problems or such like; they just don't care to understand or fund help for PTSD. At least not trauma therapy, in my experience.

 

[LaraGeel]

Sometimes I feel I need help and sometimes (probably under PTSD) I said to people : " Yes, next week I go to a kind of therapist. ". I have none, but I gave it a try, even the person on the photo or some other photos saying me : " Mmm, it's a fluffy. ". On a day I was there, he constantly interrupted me and he asked me what I was searching for and how he could help. OKay; You see, people who goes for the internal feelings and best to turn direction if you feel wind in front of you. I've gone through some storms, cause I am a rebel. So ... long things short I've paid him 50 Euro for an hour, no refunds.

Later on I wrote a letter, sometimes I cannot really say an opinion and you need to be a bit polite in his area of his job. I've wrote : " Sorry, you can't help me. I've thought about it. But my problems are from a higher level, but I guess you have your clients and probably you do a good job for them. For me, I am as an old mental cracking cart behind a horse. And I have to live with it. ".

I've a good connection with somebody that I've found over YouTube, so I can talk hours over Skype with her. She is from Roxboro, I am from Belgium. But I am used by timelines difference from 6 to 9 hours. And I know you need an understanding and a venting valve before you or I feel lost in all the feelings they cannot feel. So, I've got a tip to find a doctor and a MEG-Scan, A MEG-scan can see PTSD as marks or temperature workings or something else in your brain. Some other scanners comes close. The only problem I have in Belgium, they have only one MEG-scan and not for public access. I had prove enough to have the PTSD on scan. It can be a good thing for your insurance company. But me going to talk with a therapist : Oh Gosh, it will be difficult 'of who I am' and even not believed in what I see/saw 'for who I am'. I have a disability income at the moment. Me and doctors don't go easily together.

So make a choice what you think is good for you. Or compare different psychiatrist. Lara.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Liana,

I am sorry to hear all that you have gone through and you are not finding the assistance you are seeking. I'm not sure how the healthcare system works where you are at, but I hope you are able to get another opinion. Meanwhile, take a look at this site and I hope you find the information and support beneficial.

Debbie