Ptsd And Anger Justification

[darrenS]

I recently became aware that my ptsd is a unusual form , in the sense that if i feel i have suffered an injustice, i will try to correct it , sadly it leads me into incredibly dangerous situations and takes all my energy to stop trying to fight, naturally my responses have led to a litany of traumatic incidents throughout my life. But sadly i still make the mistake. I am just recovering from another incident , and yes i am struggling not to want to seek retribution and fight , but i am also aware , it could very much cost me my life - i was nearly stabbed 2 sundays ago by a psychotic drug user. I have spent the last couple of days fantasizing about retribution, i dont like it when i do, because it tends to become dissociative. Does anyone else suffer this response ?

 

[whserenitynluv]

I wasn't threatened to stab by anyone, but the perception in there eyes is different. They would use the words you use to describe their hate for me. And in turn I payed the ultimate sin. Disassociation, lightly out when I remember how I screamed to god at the waterfront. I wish I had someone to seek but I don't. Just some random website of the last hope I have. And that's gone too. I saw on this website some very disturbing things. My fault for going there. But I knew it was for me, and they think I am terrible. Today I have allergies. I am here writing to help others before the days end. I hope things get better for you and if you have someone there with you, please don't forget that them being there is the most precious gift you will ever have.

 

[user27357]

sure I get it. I think of it as just another aspect of being hyper vigilant and overstating the danger of almost any situation. I try not to get wrapped up in retribution, thats easy after the event has passed. But when some person has slighted me in a personal way I do feel an overwhelming desire to right the wrong. It can cause problems if I let it get out ahead of me and act without thinking.

I try to remember that anger is OK to feel. It is a legitimate emotion. the trouble lies in the actions that it brings with it. Innapropriate responses cause more trouble than the original problems sometimes.

Try to keep it in your head that sometimes the best reaction is no reaction.

I know that it feels like if you let one slight get by without a response you are losing ground and soon will be slighted all the time with no chance of regaining the upper hand but it just isn't so. Thats a hard one to get and I battle with it all the time.

think of it as saving your strength for the battles that really matter and doing nothing when nothing is the best thing to do.

 

[whserenitynluv]

sure I get it. I think of it as just another aspect of being hyper vigilant and overstating the danger of almost any situation.

Thank you for such insightful feedback. It is much appreciated. Overstating danger? There's no danger, just peace today. That's dangerous.

 

[darrenS]

Thanxs for the response Enough, i have discussed this in detail with my T , and sadly its not hypervigilance, i am hyper vigilant and have been since the incident occurred , but the justification part has a different angle ..it tends to make me want to fight for whats right ....regardless of the opponent ...sadly the last one was a gang member ...

 

[whserenitynluv]

I'm sorry the last was some gang member. My situation was long ago.the flashes of the site, and my abuser and the gang ya he belonged too, still haunt me. He doesn't think he was abusive. He doesn't think he did anything, matter of fact he thinks it was the other way around. He stalks me to this day. In his heart he hurts because he knows the truth nd can't let go, but it's scary. My new boyfriend does care thank god.

 

[Friday]

I run towards danger. Always have. Probably always will.

There are times when I know it's stupid. Literally look over at my partner and we both groan. Because we both know I'm going to go dive in. Oh no. No we really don't want to, ah f*ck. Here we go. As well as far far far too many times when I've had to seriously obey to not do what I feel is right. ((One of the smartest things I can personally do, is to make sure I'm in situations where I have to obey, the vast majority of the time. I tend to run a little riot when I'm unsupervised.))

I did it as a kid.
I did it as an adult.

PTSD has put a bit of a polish on it, for sure, but the running towards danger thing is my own.