Ptsd And Intimacy

[vixy]

Ermm.... Okay, so how do I put this. I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now at the beginning it was like most relationships apart from the odd small ptsd symptoms. We were stuck together at the hip and just couldn't keep our hands off each other but as my PTSD has gotten worse I'm finding it very difficult to be intimate with him or even have face to face cuddles with him without having some form of breakdown. I'm trying so hard to be able to do these things and want to do them so much but there's something stopping me and I just can't do them. Although my boyfriend is extremely understanding and tells me it's okay I can't help feeling bad about it and feel that he'll eventually start to think about leaving me because of it even though he's told me he'd never do that. Has anyone got any advice on how to help me to be able to be a bit more loving and intimate with him again? I just want to be like a normal couple

 

[trying2movefwd]

You might need to talk with him about what's been going on if you haven't. If you have a therapist maybe he/she could go to an appointment with you for a little ptsd education. Finally do you have any pets? Once my touch aversion got so out of hand my therapist recommended hugging my dog at the time and starting small to work my way back up. It's helped. Also whilst hugging now, I remind myself who I am, Who i am with, where i am, and that i am safe...:) hope this helps give you some ideas to try

 

[vixy]

We've talked about it and he's very understanding . It's mainly me. I just struggle to even do things such as just looking at each other face to face without freaking. He's also a sex addict which is very hard for him and I want to be able to do things together to help him but I just can't and end up feeling really bad about it as I know how much it affects him. I'm waiting to see what's happening with my therapy as my therapist has been off sick for over a month now and they don't know when she'll be back which has had a huge impact on me.

 

[EveHarrington]

Given that you're a trauma survivor and he's a sex addict, I think this is a question best left to professionals.

 

[vixy]

True. I just didn't know if anyone else had encountered this situation that may have been able to help

 

[Gs172003]

Being with a sex addict is difficult at best. Is he in treatment?

 

[Gs172003]

Under no circumstances are you to feel like you have to give in to him because of his addiction. You are not a blow up doll or a thing to be used and never forget that. Just throwing that out there. His addiction is his to deal with not yours to sooth. Be there for him but don't enable him. And for Gods sake don't take his lies or excuses cause I'd he's still an active addict he will do both. Trust me.

 

[vixy]

He's not in treatment as he doesn't want others to know. We ended up having an argument last night over me wanting to talk to my therapist about it so that I could get help. It feels like his dignity is more important than me getting help. We love each other very much and I want to be able to show that I love him and not just say it but how can I when I can't get help because he doesn't want anyone else to know about it. I need to explain the situation in full to my therapist for her to understand and be able to help me fully

 

[Gs172003]

If he's not willing to get help I hate to say it but it's in your best interest to walk away. He won't get better on his own. At the very LEAST he needs to find an anonymous men's group to go to. I'm speaking from experience. Not once but twice.

 

[Gs172003]

Think about it this way. Why should you get better and he get worse? You can't treat him any more than he can treat you. I'm just trying to save you some heartache. If I knew now what I didn't fifteen years ago my life would be so different.

 

[vixy]

I love him with all my heart and he means everything to me and I don't want to leave him but I feel like it may end that way. If he can't help himself then how does he expect me to help both myself and him. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be getting the help I need so I want to do the same for him but he's just too stubborn.

 

[Jane1234]

Hi vixy does your partner have PTSD? My husband does and its very hard to understand. I'm seeking help for myself, I haven't been to a therapist yet but am researching for myself.