PTSD as a mental-psychological brain injury...

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
Lionheart-one aspect for me is that (outside of this year of COVID), when Im not feeling good, which is a lot, people dont see me. I dont go to restaurants or listen to music or even the grocery store if I dont have to. On better days, when I put on make up, fix my hair and dress nicely, my disabilities are not that obvious.

I have a handicap placard and dont use it unless I am forced to get groceries or something when Im in a lot of pain. So I know I may look normal at a outdoor free summer concert or whatever. I live in a small town with people who are nosey and judging. I remember once I told someone I was retired when I was only in my late 50's and they said, well how old are you, and then said, "how did you retire so young". Thats pretty nosey. I just said "well I guess I invested well" Now of course the difference is that I also have a husband that is working still. However, one thing I know is to not ever try to count someone else"s money. You never know others circumstances and I have never felt that is my business. When I look well, if I said I was disabled, Im sure some would think I am malingering. I refuse to give out that information.

Im not asking these folks to pay my bills....so none of their business. Truth is, I am in retirement status as far as my license goes, and I continue to keep it up every year. If I ever feel better, I will re-instate and work at least part time.
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
To be fair I'm more than happy when I can work to pay taxes and indirectly support anyone who isn't in the full ability of supporting themselves, whatever the reason is. If organised society isn't made to even out problems and difficulties, then I'd rather just live in the woods and don't even talk to anyone and eventually die from some silly disease. Some do though.
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
To be fair I'm more than happy when I can work to pay taxes and indirectly support anyone who isn't in the full ability of supporting themselves, whatever the reason is.
That is an admirable quality @ruborcoraxxx, I wish everyone felt that way about others who are unable to work!!! Not everyone does though. Still, I worked from age 15 until the day I literally could not stand on my own two feet because doctors said that stress was literally shutting my body down.

I wish I could work full time, I miss working and the sense of satisfaction I derived from it. But I can't even work part-time, at least not right now, my health is too poor but if I ever get to where I am feeling better I would like to work at least part-time. Anyway thanks for sharing and not shaming those of us who can't work.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
I think it’s about as useful as calling a cat a rhinoceros.

If you want to? Go for it.

Just don’t expect for people dealing with brain injuries to respect you for it.

Like I sooooo got PTSD from standing in that line, and OMFG, that waiter totally raped me! Look! He short changed me by $3 whole dollars. f*cking pervert. That’s so cancer.

Why should we mean what we say? Just pick a word you like. The definition doesn’t really matter.
How do you say “love”? I’m responding to this with love. Thanks.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
This is an interesting twist on a regular topic. I tried to respond yesterday. It’s like having an argument with myself.

I’m triggered by poor taste but few understand the finer points. There are two sides to everything. Poor taste is a matter of opinion to a certain point.

I don’t have to explain and really, you don’t want to know unless it’s medical.
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
Since reading all of the comments and posts in this thread I have decided not to use the term brain injury in reference to myself as it is disrespectful of those with actual brain injuries and although I am technically a disabled veteran, I have decided that is disrespectful to combat veterans because my disability is not service-related. However, I still like to think of PTSD as a psychological injury. I think I will say that I am retired if I am asked and leave it at that. I don't actually owe anyone an explanation and I am only opening up about having PTSD with those I trust from now on. I think I have been too open in the past.
 
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brat17

MyPTSD Pro
Lionheart-I have a brain injury and no matter what you call it, I would not feel disrespected. There are brain injuries from strokes and also accidents. I know some people who say things like their spine is worse than someone else so dont know what they're complaining about. I just dont find any benefit in comparing injuries. I can honestly say that the brain injury would have healed without the ptsd. I think the ptsd is worse in most respects, but also hard to separate too.

I have always been in favor of supporting those who need help, be it disability or state benefits. 85% of mine is subject to tax because I am married. Believe me, I dont know how anybody lives on ss alone, especially if they are single.
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
Thank you @brat17, I appreciate your support and understanding!

The main reason I like to call PTSD an injury is that it helps me to reframe the problem in a positive way, so people will understand that I got hurt thru no fault of my own. The second reason that I want to say I am retired or something besides I have PTSD, is that it is one way that I can be a little more selective with who I tell about my PTSD. I usually only tell doctors, nurses, and therapists now, because I was once too open about it and people knew about me having PTSD before I ever got the chance to meet them. I didn't care much for that, because I want to be in charge of who gets to know. I have found that there are people with preconceived notions about PTSD that are mostly if not totally incorrect. It is not that I am ashamed of having PTSD or being disabled, I am not, but not everyone needs to know personal info about me.
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
I agree Lionheart, people are misinformed, or they want to know why. Its all complicated. Im not ashamed either. I just dont feel the need to summarize something that is too complex for most to understand. It is not your fault, and I hope you remind yourself everyday.
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
people are misinformed, or they want to know why. Its all complicated....("it") is too complex for most to understand. It is not your fault, and I hope you remind yourself everyday.
Thank you @brat17 you are a good friend and I appreciate your understanding, insight, and support with this subject. I have told people before the reason for having experienced trauma (sexual child abuse), and then they watch me like a hawk around their kids like I am gonna do something bad, that I would never do. I think it bothers me because I am protective over animals and children, and women even more than I am for myself. So, I don't often explain my trauma unless it is to help someone else in a healing environment such as this forum.
 
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grit

MyPTSD Pro
This is quite thought provoking @Lionheart.
I think there are so many layers it is really hard to parse it through.
I will take a jab at my thoughts though.

First who is it that I need to explain anything about my inner workings of the mind or the brain? I do not see a situation in my life where I need to explain why I do what I do in such a detail that I have to focus my inner mind. The closest I can see is to my husband and if I feel he needs to get me more information or understanding of me, I may tell a story or a thought from my childhood and say hmmm I wonder if I do this because of that...but if I am able to articulate that good, it is healing for me...it is no longer operating underneath so even then do I need to give evidence? Most likely no. I may move toward repairing the relationship rather than taking the experience and its fall out alone as a self-blame.

My stand is everybody has private inner mind and almost everybody does one time or another something that does not make sense to others. So rather than focusing on the relational aspect - I am sorry if I misunderstand you - should suffice for misunderstanding or hurting others rather than the blame, identification route of - It must be my brain works this way which is f*cked up from trauma, injury, mental health etc. I think most people may just understand a mistake, misunderstanding, a slight, etc.

So in my perspective, I do not see any situation that needs my explanation of my mental status in such a detail that they will have no idea what the hell I am talking about. I do not identify with PTDS. I feel I had a really bad and abusive childhood and sometimes I may not act as I want but more automatic - but again this is for me to know and be aware of. Even on this website, I hardly ever see two people agreeing what is ptsd!

This sort of makes me think about asking a heterosexual person - when did you know you were hetero? the thought behind this is - it is a question often asked gay people.

I know a lot of people who do not have trauma or ptsd but yet all do wild things that I do not even do. I think they will be super confused if I ask them to explain how they came to do what they just did. The onus of conveying what is ptsd is for me and my therapist and taking my time talking about the details ...anywhere else in the world, I am just grit, a person with her unique outlook in life and as long as I am not a serial killer and need to explain how or why to justify my actions, I am just a person who sees things her way just about as everybody else.

I guess my point is this: I have internal versus external and I do not need to inverse just so a person may understand because there is a point - every human has a unique and mysterious way of being.

When I am alone and introspection - I do not see mental health issues but thoughts or feelings that may be foreign to me and I try to understand how I learned or what I need to learn from them. I have zero judgement internally and if I should even go deeper I would say I love myself all warts including ptsd and try my best to mitigate my shortcoming as human by using language to acknowledge the situation because there are others and we are bumbling to each other.

my mighty two cents!😊
 
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