PhoenixTheory
New Here
Greetings Folks,
I'm 25 year old male and have been struggling with PTSD as a result of an accident I was involved in at the age of 18 in 2004. Long story short, a gasoline can exploded while I was burning a Yucca Stump; this left me with 2nd and 3rd degree burns to 25% of my total body surface area (mostly my legs).
I was very lucky to come out of this accident with the injuries that I did, and physical recovery was much easier for me than many folks that have much less intense burns than I did.
I suppose I'm here because I'm at a tough point in my life - right after my accident, I was quite literally in Hell; constant pain, anxiety, the whole nine yards. Thankfully, after spending my time in the Timothy J Harnar burn unit out of UMC in Lubbock, I was well on my well to recovery. Looking back, I recall constantly being asked about how I felt "Mentally" while in the hospital, and I really didn't understand this at the time. Then, I was frankly annoyed as the rest of my body was in so much pain that I didn't understand that a much different type of pain might manfest itself mentally, psychologically as well as physically in the future.
Now at the age of 25 (almost 26), I've come to realize that as my physical wounds have healed, my psychological ones have seemingly only begun to show themselves. Perhaps that is a bit disingenuous, as I was diagnosed with PTSD at the age of 20, however I can honestly say that it feels as thought it's only gotten worse through time.
I'm Happily married to an absolutely beautiful angel of a woman, whom has really helped see me through my hardest times since my accident. I truly do not know what I would do without her! It's so incredibly comforting to know that I have the love of such a great woman in my life, and I am proud to call her my soulmate. We have been married about a year and half now and were together for 6-ish years prior to this (yes, I don't know exactly HOW long, don't tell her I said that! ;) ).
I'm not employed at the moment - Unfortunately I was fired from my Job that I held for about 1 1/2 in January due to problems directly from my PTSD. I've found in very very hard to work in recent years, and prior to this job I was unemployed for approximately six months as I felt very overwhelmed. I have problems with being around groups of people - they don't have to be 'large', even social situations of 5 people can overwhelm me. I noticed that while at my previous Job, I had very limited social interaction with my co-workers, and this of course had an impact on how they perceived me. This was a particularly stressful job in a Customer Service area, and at about 6 months of this, I realized that while I was good at my Job, that it caused me massive amount of stress that were not healthy. I'm not 100% certain, but I believe this stress triggered my PTSD in a massive way and I became overwhelmed near constantly - waking up and getting to work was like torture. I couldn't sleep, shower or eat without constantly thinking of my accident and having flashbacks.
So, unfortunately, my employer informed me that I was hurting them more than helping them at this point and I was let go. Now I feel I am at a crossroads in my life. My wife can't support us on her income alone, however I know that my PTSD directly affects my ability to work, not to mention every other facet of my life, and I know that I need to get a handle on this situation. Over the past two years, I've become more and more withdrawn (and I'm a very shy and reserved person to begin with), have had flashbacks at increasingly often levels, and have even had problems with memory loss which particularly disturbs me. I'm thankful that my wife and family understand this, however I'm still not sure what to do with myself. My father has suggested Social Security disability - I don't want to do this, but know that it is an option and I have to, I will go that route.
Quite frankly, I don't want to live my life being beaten down by a Four Letter Acronym. I'm young, and I want to handle this, become a better person, and live my life to its fullest. I feel lucky in the sense that things could be a lot worse, and I feel thankful that I had not had any problems with substance abuse or any other abuse, as a result of my PTSD. I'm currently trying my hardest to be progressive and get a handle on my PTSD, but I fully recognize that a time comes when You've just got to get help from a professional. I've seen many different Psychologists in the past, but ultimately I've stopped going to them due to funds, or just feeling that I was "better" at that point. Needless to say, I'm again going to be going to therapy again soon. I honestly feel like I'm going crazy at times, and just want to get help. I live in HUGE Military City, and as a result all of the PTSD treatment I've found is simply for Military Vets, which I am not. I'm still trying to find a Doctor whom specializes in PTSD treatment that isn't only for the military - talk about frustrating.
At any rate, I'm glad to have found this site. It's good to know that while I feel I'm going crazy at times, that I'm certainly not alone in how I feel. I know that we can always pick ourselves up from our own ashes and start a new - Here's to healing and living a good life.
Hope this wasn't too long, and that It was fairly readable (trying to type out all of the feelings in your head sure can be hard!),
I'm 25 year old male and have been struggling with PTSD as a result of an accident I was involved in at the age of 18 in 2004. Long story short, a gasoline can exploded while I was burning a Yucca Stump; this left me with 2nd and 3rd degree burns to 25% of my total body surface area (mostly my legs).
I was very lucky to come out of this accident with the injuries that I did, and physical recovery was much easier for me than many folks that have much less intense burns than I did.
I suppose I'm here because I'm at a tough point in my life - right after my accident, I was quite literally in Hell; constant pain, anxiety, the whole nine yards. Thankfully, after spending my time in the Timothy J Harnar burn unit out of UMC in Lubbock, I was well on my well to recovery. Looking back, I recall constantly being asked about how I felt "Mentally" while in the hospital, and I really didn't understand this at the time. Then, I was frankly annoyed as the rest of my body was in so much pain that I didn't understand that a much different type of pain might manfest itself mentally, psychologically as well as physically in the future.
Now at the age of 25 (almost 26), I've come to realize that as my physical wounds have healed, my psychological ones have seemingly only begun to show themselves. Perhaps that is a bit disingenuous, as I was diagnosed with PTSD at the age of 20, however I can honestly say that it feels as thought it's only gotten worse through time.
I'm Happily married to an absolutely beautiful angel of a woman, whom has really helped see me through my hardest times since my accident. I truly do not know what I would do without her! It's so incredibly comforting to know that I have the love of such a great woman in my life, and I am proud to call her my soulmate. We have been married about a year and half now and were together for 6-ish years prior to this (yes, I don't know exactly HOW long, don't tell her I said that! ;) ).
I'm not employed at the moment - Unfortunately I was fired from my Job that I held for about 1 1/2 in January due to problems directly from my PTSD. I've found in very very hard to work in recent years, and prior to this job I was unemployed for approximately six months as I felt very overwhelmed. I have problems with being around groups of people - they don't have to be 'large', even social situations of 5 people can overwhelm me. I noticed that while at my previous Job, I had very limited social interaction with my co-workers, and this of course had an impact on how they perceived me. This was a particularly stressful job in a Customer Service area, and at about 6 months of this, I realized that while I was good at my Job, that it caused me massive amount of stress that were not healthy. I'm not 100% certain, but I believe this stress triggered my PTSD in a massive way and I became overwhelmed near constantly - waking up and getting to work was like torture. I couldn't sleep, shower or eat without constantly thinking of my accident and having flashbacks.
So, unfortunately, my employer informed me that I was hurting them more than helping them at this point and I was let go. Now I feel I am at a crossroads in my life. My wife can't support us on her income alone, however I know that my PTSD directly affects my ability to work, not to mention every other facet of my life, and I know that I need to get a handle on this situation. Over the past two years, I've become more and more withdrawn (and I'm a very shy and reserved person to begin with), have had flashbacks at increasingly often levels, and have even had problems with memory loss which particularly disturbs me. I'm thankful that my wife and family understand this, however I'm still not sure what to do with myself. My father has suggested Social Security disability - I don't want to do this, but know that it is an option and I have to, I will go that route.
Quite frankly, I don't want to live my life being beaten down by a Four Letter Acronym. I'm young, and I want to handle this, become a better person, and live my life to its fullest. I feel lucky in the sense that things could be a lot worse, and I feel thankful that I had not had any problems with substance abuse or any other abuse, as a result of my PTSD. I'm currently trying my hardest to be progressive and get a handle on my PTSD, but I fully recognize that a time comes when You've just got to get help from a professional. I've seen many different Psychologists in the past, but ultimately I've stopped going to them due to funds, or just feeling that I was "better" at that point. Needless to say, I'm again going to be going to therapy again soon. I honestly feel like I'm going crazy at times, and just want to get help. I live in HUGE Military City, and as a result all of the PTSD treatment I've found is simply for Military Vets, which I am not. I'm still trying to find a Doctor whom specializes in PTSD treatment that isn't only for the military - talk about frustrating.
At any rate, I'm glad to have found this site. It's good to know that while I feel I'm going crazy at times, that I'm certainly not alone in how I feel. I know that we can always pick ourselves up from our own ashes and start a new - Here's to healing and living a good life.
Hope this wasn't too long, and that It was fairly readable (trying to type out all of the feelings in your head sure can be hard!),
